Werewolves by the Bay

One of the advantages football has over the other sports, in terms of fan appeal, is that there are 53 guys on the roster, with another 8 on the Practice Squad, and 19 others who trot into town for Training Camp and trot right out again when they are cut. Eighty guys with bones that you can gnaw on, versus say baseball, which has only 25 with another 15 that can be either on the DL or in the minors. Hockey has 22 and basketball is a joke with only 15. Plus a lot of guys who play football are perilously close to being clinical psychos, making them much more fascinating to follow.

Looking over our roster, I’m focusing the bleary old ogler on identifying which member of the team is probably the closest to sprouting hair on the back of his hand on any given night there’s a full moon. In the past, we’ve had your Hacksaw Reynolds type maniac, and we’ve had the Charles Haley severely strange model, and of course the Bill Romanowski steroidal rage wall banger. The 49ers will never be able to compare to the 70’s Raiders lunatic asylum, which probably will never again be equaled by any franchise, even the Bengals. But let’s give it a go with our current crew of fine upstanding warriors. Is there a loose nut in the building?

Alex Boone certainly roared in from the college scene with all the ingredients necessary to become a full fledged hide-the-women-and-children type of guy. But he seems to have been tamed by the love whip of our HC. Pity. Vernon Davis also had the equipment to take a walk on the dark side, but he also has been channeled into the straight and narrow.

I always thought Isaac Sopoagna could have really been a stone age gorilla, a true rabid mauler, but the flame never jumped the fire line in his character any more than it did on the playing field. A two time semi-bustola in the I coulda been a monsta department. Maybe it’s a Samoan thing. Too mild to be wild.

Oline guys have the size to be threatening, but they rarely are. About the best you get from this cerebral section is the occasional leg biter or thumb-in-the-eye gouger, like Harvey Dahl or the infamous Conrad Dobler. This behavior is more sneaky and dirty than crazy.

Wide receivers and cornerbacks can certainly be egomaniacs and dysfunctional compadres, but they also do not tend to be frayed at the cranial edges. Their skills are more balletic than ballistic.

So, the fellow we’re looking for is going to be a linebacker or a defensive lineman. The violence positions. All three of our hall of fame coo coos listed above were linebackers, although Haley was technically referred to as an elephant, a hybrid linebacker/defensive end. And linebackers throughout NFL history have provided most of the outstanding loose wires we have come to know and love. Jack Ham, Sam Huff, Dick Butkus, one might even toss our current HC, Mike Singletary, into the mix for madman eyes alone. I’m sure readers have their own favorites to nominate for inclusion here. The good old days, before the money got obscenely lucrative, provide a wealth of borderline Blutos to choose from.

The 49ers, though, were lulled into gentlemanly brutality by Bryant Young. This mild mannered warrior was THEE team leader and set the tone for the defense for thirteen years. Sopoagna idolized him, and perhaps that’s what diluted Soap’s inner wacko during his formative years. It would take an import from another civilization to restore a sense of wild thing to the defense.

And that guy is Justin Smith. Our selection as the 49ers reigning edgy dude. I’m not saying he’s a hall of fame drooler, or even close to that, but he’s the best we’ve got. For now.



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16 comments on “Werewolves by the Bay
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Does rob know Justin Smith was hired by Nolan? Should we tell him?

  2. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    So was Franklin, Clements, Lewis, Larry Allen, Ahmad Brooks, and Spikes. We should lock Rob and NoFear in a padded room together for a fateful thrown down. One who loves too little vs one who loves too much.

  3. robNo Gravatar says:

    yikes i’m starting to feel like V , thnkbg and mr. zero here ! well next time the doomsday crowd on the insider ask what free agents we signed that helped the team , i’ll know the answers to give !
    49ers free agents “hired” by nolan !

    ( how much input he got from scott m. and singletary one can only guess !)
    this would have to be the area in which nolan was the most successful in his 49ers tenure ! to me this list is a bit of a mixed bag ! i do remember that unlike some , i was happy that nolan had a good relationship with the ravens , and thought this would help us greatly in free agency ! he was able to land some mid-range free agents because of it , who were able to make our depleted roster better ! overall his signings were ok , but he had too many misses and failures and mismanaged this end of it … julian peterson , kyle kosier and andre carter and others come to mind ! all in all when you factor in scott and sings probable input , with his hits and misses and other mistakes he wasn’t so hot even at this !
    2005 jonas jennings , nate clements and a couple of scrubs whose names escape me oh, and marques douglas
    2006 larry allen , antonio bryant , darrel jackson , moran norris
    2007 sam rayburn DT , mike lewis , ashley lelie , aubrayo franklin , colby buckwoldt , tully banta cain .
    2008 isaac bruce , deshuan foster , bryant johnson , dontarius thomas , justin smith , jt o-smellivan , allan rossum

    hey skeebs , i’m not sure how this list compares to other team’s free agent signings 2005 thru 2010 , but it might make an interesting blog topic … hmmm ??

  4. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    You’re asking me to do research, Rob? This is the wild speculation center. Maybe you should give this task to mr_zero. It might shut him up for an hour or so. Problem is that kind of research is undoubtedly going to show that all teams have some hits and some misses. Zero will report back only with the other teams hits and compare the list to only the 49er misses. That’s his stock in trade.

  5. robNo Gravatar says:

    i know
    maybe we should compare the free agent signings of the nolan years and the rest of the league to the 49ers free agent signings since singletary took over !
    i bet GEOMAK would have a field day with it !!!
    馃榾

  6. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    FA has pretty much dried up over the past few years as a big time spree. Now it’s mostly bad teams make splashes and good teams make ripples. Since the Smith signing, the 49ers have gone from splashers to ripplers.

  7. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    I think what happened to Nolan was somebody fed him a Bar-S hot dog!

  8. DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Excellent point, Fear. Singletary better come to the realization, and come to it quickly, that Jimmy Raye is all on him. It’s both their offense. Why the hell did he hire him in the first place? Because he knew no one else would ever want to take away his little lap dog. Well, those dogs better start barking this year, or there will be hell to pay.

  9. robNo Gravatar says:

    poor nofear …
    i know poor nolan after four years with the team was like 7 – 19 over his last games with us , had a 5-11 season in his third year with us , lost the team after 06 according to all reports , managed to give us the 32nd and last , 26th , 32nd and last and 28th ranked defenses (his “strong ‘suite’ “) …while he was here . after all his horrible game management and tons of other infamous bad moves , poor nolan was targeted by 95% of the evil fans and local and national media for his poor performance as our head coach ! just to make it worse , the poor guy
    after all of those people with their shameful grudges they had agianst him for some reason ( god only knows why )
    wouldn’t you know it …. in some strange twist of fate , as soon as poor nolan gets fired , the team starts to play up to its talent level , we go 13-12 and all the good nfl experts start to like what they see here and pick us to win our division !
    WHAT A HORRIBLE INJUSTICE ! IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU HERE TO RIGHT SUCH HORRIBLE WRONGS NOFEAR !

    OF COURSE the point … since you demand time and time again to know …
    was to give credit where credit is due , answer berger’s querry / shot at me earlier in this thread , and present a
    completely bias free , level headed cool and cold hard look at the facts in this case , without any pre conceived notions or ideas getting in the way of my purely analytical , thoughtful and completely unbiased analysis of the situation …
    just as i always do !
    and just as i’m sure , this response to you will now clearly demonstrate !

  10. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    The US soccer team is using the 4-4-2 alignment. That would equal a loss. This is like using the Sardine Can Offense. I have always hated the 4-4-2. I’d use a 3-3-4 and attack.

  11. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Berger. I didn’t know there were 10 guys on a soccer team. Can’t say I give a crap, either. Running around all day and getting 1 point has never grabbed my attention as a spectator sport.

  12. unca_chuckNo Gravatar says:

    Soccer is hockey without the hitting, the excitement, and the scoring.

    Like watching grass grow. . . .

    I missed the US goal, too. Kinda like the Boyle deal with the Sharks.

    Oh well. I’m sure there are people in England hwo are planning the murder of their goalie.

  13. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Luckily for us, England used a 4-4-2 also. We were lucky to tie. I think we were outplayed.
     
    Skeebs, there are 11 on the field when you count the goalie.

  14. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    That guy in the cage is a player? I thought he was the target.

  15. DennisNo Gravatar says:

    That English goalie’s favorite baseball player must be Bill Buckner. Whoops.

  16. robNo Gravatar says:

    berger will like this …
    Vann , the undrafted rookie from Florida A&M has looked capable at the corner during offseason practices. He seems to have a knack for being in the right place at the right time.
    “I feel like since I came from a black college, and most everybody comes from the big D-I schools and whatnot, they’re not gonna look at my ability to play cornerback, because they feel like the talent is not as good as it is in D-I college,” Vann said recently. “But if you could play, you could play, and I know I could play cornerback, receiver… wherever they put me, I could play it.”
    maybe we found a return man and help against those pesky fast WR.s too!

2021 Schedule
09/12 - 10:00 AM @ DET
09/19 路 10:00 AM @ PHI
09/26 路 5:20 PM v GB
10/03 路 1:05 PM v SEA
10/10 路 1:25 PM @ AZ
10/17 BYE
10/24 路 5:20 PM v IND
10/31 路 10:00 AM @ CHI
11/07 路 1:25 PM v AZ
11/15 路 5:15 PM v LAR
11/21 路 10:00 AM @ JAX
11/28 路 1:25 PM v MIN
12/05 路 5:20 PM @ SEA
12/12 路 10:00 AM @ CIN
12/19 路 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 路 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 路 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 路 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
 
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
WINNERS:
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

LOSERS:
Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

ABSTAINERS:
Grumpy: DNP
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