Bears 26, 49ers 6

With two minutes to play in the first half, the 49ers held a solid 6-0 lead over the injury riddled Bears, who were missing eleven starters. It looked like the team was finally on the way to its second win of the season and an end to its epic ten game losing streak. Chicago faced a third and five and Chip Kelly had confidently called two time outs to get the ball back with a minute thirty left, to try and extend the lead before halftime.

But the Bears squeezed out a first down, third string QB Matt Barkley took to the air, discovered the 49er secondary couldn’t cover anyone, and 26 unanswered points roared across the scoreboard.

Shades of last year’s crushing defeat at the hands of the woeful Cleveland Browns. By the start of the fourth quarter, Blaine Gabbert’s Backup had completed ONE four yard pass in five attempts with five sacks, giving him minus 21 net yards passing for the day and somewhere in close proximity of the worst QB performance in franchise history.

Mercifully, he was finally replaced by the real Blaine Gabbert, who promptly completed an 18 yard pass. At the end of the game, the 49ers had recorded only SIX net passing yards.

But hey, it was a team effort. The team that couldn’t get any worse actually did get worse. GM Trent Baalke has certainly loaded up the Niners with eyebrow raising underachievers and out right duds.

We have now entered the area where we need our toes to help add up the consecutive losses. Two hands just doesn’t get it done.

Somewhere at Niner HQ, located next to Jim Harbaugh Stadium, owner Jed York is frantically looking for a place to hide. We all hope he is successful. Although that would deprive us of a squirming, red-faced end-of-year speech groaner. Sigh. Choices, choices.

On the plus side, the loss pushed the Bears out of contention for the number two pick in next year’s Draft, leaving only the Jaguars as competitors for this spot. From NFL runner-up best team to NFL runner-up worst team in four years flat. These Yorkies sure know how to run a franchise — straight into the toilet.

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Wasn’t It a Long Way Down

Congratulations to the 2016 49ers. In the 68th year of the franchise, you guys have accomplished the awesomely difficult task of losing ten straight games, the most in team history. No mean feat.

To think, only four years ago, this franchise was in the Super Bowl. Epic, epic FAIL!

Some may think the season couldn’t get any worse, but au contraire mon ami. The next two games might be the first games all season that the Niners will be favored to win (@Bears, home for the Jets). And both games are very winnable. Should the team accomplish the probable, they’ll ruin a season’s worth of stink and fall all the way from second to five or worse in the 2017 Draft.

Even worse, there will be those tempted to make remarks like “turning the corner” or “hope for next year” or even the dreaded “WE CAN BUILD ON THIS!” Bah, humbug. Is Jed York still the owner? Has Trent Baalke been fired?

How fitting that the 49ers second win of the year should come against the decimated Bears. They have 15 players on IR, including some of their top players such as Kyle Long and Lamarr Houston and 2015 first-rounder Kevin White. It was a fluke victory over Chicago last year that improved the Niners’ record to 4-8, prompting Jim Tomsula to prance around all week like he’d just won a playoff game and gotten a contract extension.

Of course, that all came crashing down around his ears the following week when the Browns drubbed us, followed by two more losses, before a final flimsy win over the Rams. And adios, Tomsula. Who has not been seen since. Is he still alive? He’s certainly not employed anywhere in the league.

Here’s hoping he’ll be joined in oblivion this coming offseason by at least Mr. Baalke.

Below is a screenshot of the final play of the Miami game. Kaepernick appropriately ends the game as he begins it, on his knees. Caught from behind by Suh and steamrolled from the front by Alonso. The old high-low play. Ouch! In the far left is Joshua Garnett surveying the damage caused by him missing his block and allowing the penetration that flushed Kap from the pocket. And, of course, a little cheesecake with the hot babe from the stands looking on, along with three disinterested kids.


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Dolphins 31, 49ers 24

Close, but no cigar. Or close, but light ’em up!

Blaine Gabbert‘s backup took a mouthful of shoulder pad from Ndamukong Suh and Kiko Alonso at the two yard line as time ran out on his desperate attempt to be a last second hero. Coming up short again, something of a ritual in his career.

As a result, the 49ers planted themselves in the record book with the first and only ten game losing streak in franchise history. The last six under the backup’s watch since he was booted upward to “spark the team.” He has yet to win a single game.

Miami was missing three-fifths of its starting O-linemen, which robbed them of their potent rushing attack. Jay Ajayi recently put up consecutive 200+ yard games, but he was held to only 45 in this one. As a result, the game became a QB duel. Ryan Tannehill lost the yardage battle but won the scoreboard war.

The Miami defense was a curious no show. They entered the game ranked 16th in the league (good, not great), but allowed the Niners 31st ranked offense to pile up 475 yards. Egads, gentlemen, hang your heads.

Still, our record breaking crew found a way to undercome the Dolphin defensive ineptitude. The backup tossed an interception and Garrett Celek coughed up a fumble. The former booboo led to Dolphin points and the latter led to not 49er points.

I should probably pause here to say something nice about the Niners, something along the lines of “plucky.” Nah. Screw it. They lost their tenth game in a row. Nice went out the window a long time ago.

The only thing nice about this team is the embarrassment it is causing Jed York and Trent Baalke. In that regard, they are doing an excellent job, out there in the middle of the road stinking to high heaven.

Joe Staley does not deserve this mess, though. Does not deserve to have his name associated with this disaster. It’s sinful what the Yorks have perpetrated on this warrior’s career. The same goes for Cleveland’s Joe Thomas. Two extremely distinguished left tackles and fine gentlemen stuck with worthless franchises. At least Staley had three years at the top. But maybe that just makes what is happening now even worse.

Oakland just clinched its first winning season in 14 years. How long will it take the Niners to get back to that level? Don’t hold your breath.

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Aiming For Infamy

Some good games on tap for Thanksgiving this year. Minnesota vs Detroit for NFC North supremacy, Dallas vs Washington for the NFC East, and Pittsburgh vs Indianapolis for two teams trying to stay alive in crappy divisions.

The 49ers won’t be playing, so there is that to be thankful for. Though as turkeys go, they certainly qualify.

Instead, the Niners will fly to Miami and attempt to set the all time franchise record for consecutive losses. That’s roughly 67 years of 49er football without ever losing ten games in a row. That might be business as usual in Cleveland or Tennessee or a few other NFL joints, but not for the five time Super Bowl champion franchise.

Chip Kelly‘s name will be displayed as the architect of this disgrace, but he’s more of a partially innocent bystander this year. The team is a Jed York/Trent Baalke production all the way.

Neither one of these incompetent jackasses shows his face much in public these days, which only adds “gutless” to their already fetid resumes. At least Kelly stands up each week and stoically takes a beating without ever losing his composure.

In the sixteen years the Yorks have owned the franchise, they’ve only made three good hires. One was Jim Harbaugh, who courted the Niners more than they courted him. Another was Mike Nolan, who brought in Scot McCloughan and the two of them built the team that eventually went to three Title games and the Super Bowl. The third was Paraag Marathe, who is probably the only one in the FO that knows what he’s doing and is good at his job. Unfortunately, he’s a bean counter, not a football guy.

At any rate, one more loss and we can pin “Biggest Loser” to Jed York’s legacy, planting him in the historical infamy he so richly deserves. Go Miami!

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Patriots 30, 49ers 17

Inspired by the presence of Eddie Debartolo and a host of star players from the glory years, the current 49ers made their own history Sunday afternoon by losing their record tying ninth straight game. Next weekend, they’ll travel to Miami looking to set a new record, one that might last forever. Or maybe just until next season.

Despite the heroic effort, the Niners still trail the league leading Browns, who kept their record perfect Sunday by losing their tenth straight game. Cleveland is coached by Hue Jackson, the 49er FO’s first choice to be the new HC during the last offseason. Thank goodness Chip Kelly landed in their lap instead. These two brilliant coaches are a combined 1-19 on the year.

It was a typical Niner game. Competitive first half, non-competitive second half. Blaine Gabbert‘s backup once again had the kind of game that mirrors his career. Starts out looking good, then steadily deteriorates as the game (career) goes on. He was 8-9 passing in the first half, then went on a 2-11 streak in the second half, at one point throwing eight consecutive incompletions. Then picked up some garbage stats in the final moments of the game to make his day look mediocre rather than awful.

Carlos Hyde had his first decent game of the year, rushing for 86 yards on 19 carries. But he was out rumbled by the Patriots LeGarrette Blount, who totaled 124 yards on his 19 carries, thus becoming the eighth RB this year to top the century mark against the 49ers.

FS Eric Reid was sufficiently impressed by Blount that he tried to avoid tackling him for most of the game, “missing” four tackles. Good thinking, no doubt, because when he finally stuck himself in harm’s way, he received a torn biceps for the effort. He will now mercifully sit out the rest of the season.

The Patriots haven’t had much success rushing the passer recently, but they rung up five sacks yesterday. This apparently caused some disgruntlement among the Niner O-line guys, who were having a pretty good year until Mr. Clueless was re-inserted into the lineup.

On a positive note, the Niners fumbled five times and didn’t lose even one of them! They also won the TOP battle for the first time this year, holding the ball for 38 seconds longer than the Patriots.

On a less than positive note, the 49er greats stood in the rain during halftime, honoring Debartolo’s HOF induction. A brutal reminder of what this franchise has lost and what it has become. Just epically obscene.

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2016 Schedule
Sept. 12 vs Los Angeles: W 28-0
Sept. 18 @ Carolina: L 27-46
Sept. 25 @ Seattle: L 18-37
Oct. 2 vs Dallas: L 17-24
Oct. 6 vs Arizona: L 21-33
Oct. 16 @ Buffalo: L 16-45
Oct. 23 vs Tampa Bay: L 17-34
Oct. 30 BYE
Nov. 6 vs New Orleans: L 23-41
Nov. 13 @ Arizona: L 20-23
Nov. 20 vs New England: L 17-30
Nov. 27 @ Miami: L 24-31
Dec. 4 @ Chicago: L 6-26
Sunday, Dec. 11 vs New York Jets
Sunday, Dec. 18 @ Atlanta
Saturday, Dec. 24 @ Los Angeles
Sunday, Jan. 1 vs Seattle
2016 Draft Class
1. Deforest Buckner, DL
1. Joshua Garnett, OG
3. Will Redmond, CB
4. Rashard Robinson, CB
5. Ronald Blair, DE
5. John Theus, OT
5. Fahn Cooper, OT
6. Jeff Driskell, QB
6. Kelvin Taylor, RB
6. Aaron Burbridge, WR
7. Prince Charles Iworah, CB
2016 Prognostications
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Grumpy: 3-13
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10
Spitblood: 3-13
Winder: 3-13