One Toke Over the Line

The OTAs and minicamp have concluded and the players have the next six weeks off. Most will go home and have backyard barbecues and some will pose for mug shots. The 49ers are holding their breath that Reuben Foster does not appear in the latter somes.

For the rookies, it’s a good time to form your official NFL entourage. These groups consist of losers the player grew up with who now feel entitled to share in the player’s new found fame and wealth. For the player, it shows he hasn’t abandoned his roots and also allows him to feel like a massive big shot.

These groups will invariably consist of some serious pot heads and drunks, a mix that makes nightclub hopping a dangerous threat to a player’s career.

Reuben got busted for smoking weed in Alabama, which is very seriously stupid. I smoked dope for 35+ years without ever once coming close to a bust. Of course, I never made the mistake of sitting in a car at 3:00am huffing away on a city street, either.

When I first lit up, the only dope around was Mexican weed that had stems and seeds in it. You had to sift out the seeds before you could use it. It came in baggies called “lids.” It was nothing like the super dope that’s around now. You had to buy hash back then to get the sort of high that today’s weed supplies.

The NFL remains one of the last bastions of anti-weedness. In my day, a weed bust was serious jail time. Now it’s more or less a misdemeanor or an excuse for a cop to hassle you. More and more states are making it legal. But not the NFL.

At any rate, for the nonce you NFL guys, do your toking at home and have a normal short career, rather than a drug testing nightmare career.

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Palace Intrigue

By all accounts, Kyle Shanahan and John Lynch are co-existing in pleasant harmony. So were Jim Harbaugh and Trent Baalke in 2011, their first year together. Then Baalke delivered Harbaugh a 2012 draft class that was worthless. End of harmony.

It’s highly unlikely that will happen to Lynch and Shanahan in their second year. Baalke used his first two picks in 2012 on a couple of small offensive guys who were supposed to be playmakers. They weren’t. And Baalke’s inability to draft players who could help the offense began its long, slow ride to infamy.

Lynch also used his second pick this year on a small offensive guy who is supposed to be a playmaker. We’ll see. But, he used his first pick on an offensive tackle — about as close as it comes to a sure, safe pick in the draft. There have been a few first round tackles who flopped, but it’s the rarity, rather than the routine.

All of which makes WR Dante Pettis the key member of the 2018 draft class. If he becomes a difference maker, Lynch and Shanahan can remain pals. If he doesn’t, there might be some stirrings of doubt seeping into the hunky-dory partnership.

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Roster Review

The 49ers defense ranked 24th last year. 22nd against the pass and 22nd against the run.

The offense was 12th in yards and 20th in points. 9th in passing yards, 21st in rushing yards.

It’s tough to draw too many conclusions about the offense since there were two of them last year. The one quarterbacked by Brian Hoyer/C.J. Beathard and the last six games QBed by Jimmy Garoppolo.

Still, it looks like the team moved the ball fairly well between the 20s and not so well into the end zone. Without a career year from kicker Robbie Gould, the point total would have been among the worst in the league.

The 49ers spent the offseason mostly addressing the offense. They picked up a new center in free agency, a new right tackle in the draft, and added two speedsters — RB Jerick McKinnon in FA and WR Dante Pettis in the draft. McKinnon is more dangerous than Carlos Hyde in the passing game, but it’s hard to see him improving that 21st ranked rushing attack.

The only help the defense has gotten so far is LB Fred Warner and DB Tarvarius Moore, both third round draft picks, and the aging and injured CB Dickhead Sherman via FA. Warner will only play if Reuben Foster can’t and if Moore is playing it will be because our curent DBs are sucking.

The Niners are obviously hoping that DE Arik Armstead will stay healthy in his fourth year and show why he was a number one pick in the 2015 draft. He hasn’t done anything in his first three years, so we’ll see.

The edge pass rushers, which were mediocre to awful last year, remain the same this year. The team did not bring in anybody in FA or the draft to improve this lot.

IOW, DC Robert Saleh will have pretty much the same 22nd ranked crew as he did last year. It was difficult to tell whether last year he achieved more with less, or less with more, or just achieved what any modestly skilled DC would have achieved. We’ll get a better idea of his worth during this coming season.

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

Dead Air > Hot Air

The 49ers are plodding through their annual Organized Team Activities lately, though nobody seems to be paying much attention to this exertion. Good luck, fellas. Try not to get injured.

As we all know, Reuben Foster is back with the team, having narrowly escaped the end of his football career. His former girl friend, Elissa Ennis, was similarly lucky. She’s now a two-time failure in filing false Domestic Violence reports, spending time in jail over the first claim, but apparently will not be charged in this second effort.

Both of these characters face some tough sledding in the future, though. Foster has run afoul of civilization four times in the past year, so it’s probably wishful thinking to expect him to behave somewhat properly for any extended period of time. Ms. Ennis might be advised to get a legal name change at this point. Any future boy friend applicant would have to think long and hard about hooking up with her.

A lot of Super Bowl talk buzzing around the 49ers these days. That ought to splat against the windshields pretty quickly in the new season.

There’s not much to discuss at the moment, and when that happens some of our commenters think we’d all like to hear about their political views. Where they get this notion is beyond me, since nothing could be further from the truth.

It’s a free country and people can think and say whatever they want about almost anything. This site doesn’t care a fig what your political views are. We’re only interested in your football views. So, we’re not going to hear any more about political views. Whether that’s a voluntary occurrence or an enforced one is up to you.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Divisional Flip Flop

The Cardinals and Seahawks have owned the NFC West in recent years, but they both look ready to eat some humble pie this coming year.


I don’t have any particular beef with the Cardinals, who are led by one of the classiest guys to ever play the game — Larry Fitzgerald. The only boasting behavior from that team came from their HC, Bruce Arians, and it was almost solely directed at the Seahawks, who deserve any uncomplimentary remarks anyone in the league throws their way.

But injuries, age, inflated salaries and egos, and bad luck in the draft have finally conspired to knock the swagger out of Seattle. They’ve acquired a rep as poor winners and poor losers. They missed the playoffs last year and won’t come close this year, either. Welcome to the bottom feeder club, assholes.

The Rams made themselves the team to beat this year by winning the division last year and conducting a Super Bowl or Bust offseason. Their DC, Wade Phillips, has a chance to create the kind of stifling defense that he put together in Denver and rode to an SB title in 2015. Beating them will be a stiff challenge for the Niners.

Poor old Detroit. They haven’t done anything right since they took down the 10-0 Packers on Thanksgiving Day in 1962, beating them 26-14 in an NFL stunner. Now they hire a squeaky clean fellow from the Patriots to run their team and it turns out he has a 22 year old skeleton in his closet. Tough to see Matt Patricia surviving this one. The Lions may have to take the unprecedented step of firing an HC before he even coaches one game.

Being famous sure isn’t the public image cakewalk it used to be. Be thankful you’re a nobody, Outsiders!

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Posted in Existential Elbows
2018 Schedule
9-9: @ Vikings, 10:00 am Sun.
9-16: vs. Lions, 1:25 pm, Sun.
9-23: @ Chiefs, 10:00 am, Sun.
9-30: @ Chargers, 1:25 pm, Sun.
10-7: vs. Cardinals, 1:25 pm, Sun.
10-15: @ Packers, 5:15 pm, Mon.
10-21: vs. Rams, 5:20 pm, Sun.
10-28: @ Cardinals, 1:25 pm, Sun.
11-1: vs. Raiders, 5:20 pm, Thur.
11-12: vs. Giants, 5:15 pm, Mon.
11-25: @ Tampa, 10:00 am, Sun.
12-2: @ Seattle, 5:20 pm, Sun.
12-9: vs. Broncos, 1:25 pm, Sun.
12-16: vs. Seattle, 1:25 pm, Sun.
12-23: vs. Bears, 1:05 pm, Sun.
12-30: @ Rams, 1:25 pm, Sun.
2018 Draft Class
1. OT Mike McGlinchey
2. WR Dante Pettis
3. LB Fred Warner
3. DB Tarvarius Moore
4. DE Kentavius Street
5. CB D.J. Reed
6. S Marcell Harris
7. DT Jullian Taylor
7. WR Richie James
2017 Prognostications
NJ49er: 6-10
Skeebers: 6-10
Bullit: 5-11
Mr Fletch: 5-11
RTFirefly: 5-11
Chuck: 9-7
Grumpy: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
Winder: 4-12