Lame Owners’ Bowl

The Jeckyll and Hyde 49ers return home this weekend to play the Cowboys, hoping the Doctor is in and not the other guy.

The howls have already begun to yank Blaine Gabbert and try one of the other bust QBs on the roster. As though the QB was the only thing wrong with the team. What a hoot.

The past two opponents have put 46 and 37 points on the board against the Niner defense. There’s no QB in DEFENSE. In addition, there’s no WR in OFFENSE. Not the 49er offense, anyway. The team has no skill position players. Carlos Hyde is the only Niner player anyone has to defend against. And he’s averaging 3.9 yards per carry. A stat vastly inflated by garbage time yards last Sunday.

Twenty years ago, Niners vs Cowboys was a big time game. Now it’s on the schedule because each team finished dead last in its division in 2015. Of the two teams, the Cowboys seem to have a brighter future this year than our boys. Much of that rosier outlook is due to 4th round QB pick Dak Prescott, who’s played very well during Tony Romo‘s annual trip to the repair shop.

The 49ers could have drafted Prescott, but GM Trent Baalke, picking two spots ahead of the Cowboys, took yet another CB, Rashard Robinson, who’s been mostly a special teams player this year. When you’re getting your butt kicked in the draft by Jerry Jones, it might be time to consider another line of work.

Dallas does not have a good defense, their O-line is a bit banged up, and Dez Bryant is nursing a hairline fracture to his right knee. So the Niners are catching them at a good time. They thought they were getting Seattle at a good time last week, though, and look how that turned out.

Below are two pics showing the well designed and executed second play of the Seattle game.

The first pick shows Doug Baldwin cutting across the field with Chris Davis already five steps behind him, and Jerome Kearse coming from the opposite direction to politely impede Davis’ path while also drawing Jimmie Ward away from the play.


This second pick shows Kearse perfectly positioned to block Ward, Davis so far behind he’ll never catch up, and absolutely no safety or ILB help anywhere in sight. Antoine Bethea had to come all the way across the field to cut off Baldwin. Presumably, Tyler Lockett and Jimmy Graham had drawn both safeties and Tramaine Brock up the field and far from the action. Easy 34 yard gain.


wordpress stats plugin

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Game Previews

Seahawks 37, 49ers 18

The Seahawks hadn’t scored a touchdown in their first two games of the season, but it only took three plays and 43 seconds to remedy that ailment against the inept 49ers Sunday in Seattle. They added three more, tossed in three FGs for good measure, then let the Niners run out the clock in the fourth quarter with a ground game that had done squadooshky through the first three quarters.

Somewhere out there lounging on a patio recliner, former HC Jim Tomsula is smiling and counting the four million dollars per year Jed York is paying him for his early retirement. He’ll be collecting for two more years, no doubt soon to be joined by current HC Chip Kelly, who’ll be collecting six million per for his own failed efforts.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Ohio, Mamma and Poppa York are squirming and wondering how much money their son Jed is going to throw down the toilet while masquerading as a legitimate NFL owner.

The 2016 season is mirroring the 2015 season with eerie accuracy. Big win at home to start the year, followed by two severe tramplings on the road.

The Niner O-line isn’t a sieve like last year — they gave up zero sacks in the game — but Anquan Boldin‘s replacement, Quinton Patton, is averaging about one catch per game for around eight unimportant yards. QB Blaine Gabbert gets the ball out fast (part of the reason for the O-line’s clean slate), but the guys he’s getting it to are fellows who could pass through waivers at any time without fear/hope of getting claimed by another team.

Seattle RB Christine Michael and 49er RB Carlos Hyde both had a hundred yards rushing, but Michael got his while the game was being contested, most of it right over first round draft pick DeForest Buckner, who is the only member of the 2016 draft class that is playing, and Hyde got his in garbage time, after the Seahawks had lit up victory cigars and were using their iPads to make dinner reservations.

Despite eight recent draft picks on secondary players, the Niners still don’t have any real talent at CB or safety. Those gents were again over matched, this time against WR Doug Baldwin and TE Jimmy Graham, both of whom hit the century mark in yards, with a TD each.

All in all, however, a fun game to watch — if you enjoy seeing York and all the guys who wanted Jim Harbaugh and Greg Roman heaved out of town eat the shit of their woeful choices. But probably not so much if you’re still clinging to the “Red and Gold til I’m Dead and Cold” fanwagon.

A few more weeks of this, and we can expect the Niner FO to start scrambling around to find and begin leaking this year’s scapegoat. Pssst: Trent Baalke Must Go!. Wait! Is it kosher for the Niner FO to leak bad mojo against one of its entrenched members? More to the point, is this a football franchise or an upstart competitor to The National Enquirer?

wordpress stats plugin

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Post Game Spread

Dink and Dunker Special

The 49ers haven’t won a game in Seattle since the 2011 season. They swept the Seahawks that year, split with them the next two years, and were skunked in 2014 and 2015.

Still, our boys have a golden opportunity to end this drought next Sunday. Seattle is struggling without Niner killer Marshawn Lynch, and Russell Wilson has a high ankle sprain that has robbed him of his biggest weapon — his scrambling ability.

Against the Rams last week, Wilson was virtually immobile, forced to get the ball out fast or be squashed. IOW, he experienced first hand what it was like to be a 49er QB in 2015. Even so, he might very well have beaten the Rams with a game ending drive if Lynch replacement and former bust Christine Michael hadn’t fumbled the ball away deep in Rams territory.

The Niner O-line has been vastly improved this year, but Seattle’s has not. It seems like the Seahawks don’t bother much with the O-line, since Wilson is so elusive that most pass rushers are over-matched trying to catch him. That won’t be the case Sunday.

OTOH, the Niners don’t have near the pass rush that the Rams do. Plus, they’ll be selling out to stop the run. Just like Seattle will be doing. This game will probably be a low scoring affair, with a couple of big plays from either team determining the outcome. Seattle will be at home, has more big play guys and a much better defense, so it’s hard to pick against them.

But, it’s football and who knows, maybe the Niners will pull off the upset.

Below are a couple of pics from last Sunday’s game against the Panthers.

The first depicts a clueless Panther fan making a fool out of herself in front of several million TV viewers on the East and West coasts. At least out here in the Bay Area, we know how to fly a banner right side up. This poor woman went home from the game more embarrassed than the 49er team. Quite a feat. Alas, for the rest of her life, whenever anyone looks a bit askance at her, she’ll be thinking, “They know! They saw! They laughed! OMG!!!”


This second pic clearly shows, as Ahmad Brooks predicted, the fear and trembling Cam Newton felt as he looked out over the 49er defense before barking out the signals for the next play. An obviously terrified soul.


wordpress stats plugin

Tagged with: , , , , , ,
Posted in Game Previews

Panthers 46, 49ers 27

The 49ers dusted off the old rope-a-dope strategy Sunday versus Carolina by lulling the Panthers to sleep with an endless stream of three and out punts, counting on the Panthers to get careless with the ball. It worked! They got 20 points from four Panthers’ turnovers and only got shellacked by 19 points, instead of … oh, say, 30 or 40!

Those 20 points came on scoring drives of 11 yards, 59 yards, -4 yards, and 1 yard. It’s possible the one yarder was the shortest TD drive in NFL history!

Before the game, 49er OLB Ahmad Brooks crowed that the Panthers’ would be scared by the Niner defense. Yet somehow they trembled their way to 529 yards and 46 points. That was the most yards the Niners had given up since 2007. CB Jimmie Ward was torched for 3 TDs. In all fairness to him, though, the Niners had no pass rush and no run defense — a fairly deadly combination.

The Panthers had two players with more than 100 yards receiving (Kelvin Benjamin and Greg Olsen), and one player with 100 yards rushing, backup RB Fozzy Whittaker. For the 49ers, their running game was stuffed (Carlos Hyde had 34 yards on 14 carries) and QB Blaine Gabbert completed less than 50% of his passes.

On the plus side, the rebuilt 49er O-line gave up only two sacks — their first two of the season. The second one came near the end of the game when the team had its Hail Mary offense on the field, so it can be somewhat discounted. The one that came while the outcome was technically still in doubt occurred when RG Andrew Tiller briefly left the game and was replaced by Marcus Martin, who was promptly abused by Panthers’ DT Star Lotulelei.

Many are wondering why Martin is still on the team, let alone playing ahead of first round draft pick Joshua Garnett, who has yet to see any action. The answer might lie with the guy who traded up to draft Garnett, the dubious 49er GM Trent Baalke. Do we have yet another bust in the offing?

If this game seems dayja voogie, relax — it was. The 49ers opened last season with a resounding win at home, got cocky and overconfident, then went on the road to be trampled by the Steelers, Cardinals, then Packers at home, before righting the ship with a narrow loss to the Giants.

Despite the inept performance, the 49ers emerged from the game precariously atop the NFC West standings, where every team is 1-1. Can they cling to this lead for fourteen more games and be the first team eliminated from the playoffs?

wordpress stats plugin

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Post Game Spread

Carolina In My Mind

The 49ers travel to North Carolina this weekend to throw themselves under the Panthers’ playoff bus on Sunday. At least, that’s the general view around the league and in Las Vegas.

Apparently, the blow out win over the Rams did not impress anyone all that much. Partly that’s because the Rams don’t impress anybody all that much, but also because the Niners only managed 14 points through the first three quarters. If that’s all they manage against the Panthers’ defense, the team would probably be looking at a sizable deficit entering the fourth quarter, rather than clinging to a modest lead.

Cam Newton, the Panthers’ QB, is not exactly in the same zip code as the Rams’ QB Case Keenum. Probably not even in the same galaxy. Newton’s offense finished numero uno in the NFL last year. The 49er offense is not going to be much better or worse than what they were against the Rams, but the Niner defense will have a whole other challenge than what the Rams offered. How the defense fares in this game will probably tell us all we need to know about the likely future of the team the rest of this season.

Still, this is a great chance for the Niners to send a message to the rest of the league that they are no longer in the bottom dregs of NFL society and have leapt into the “7-9 bullshit” arena of dependable and sustainable mediocrity. Hip, hip, hoo cares?

Below is a picture of Carlos Hyde’s first TD run against the Rams on Monday night. This is about as well executed a blocking scheme as you’re liable to see the entire rest of the season. Hyde’s eyes must have lit up at what he saw. And there was good old Joe Staley five yards down field along with Vance McDonald sealing off the linebackers for an easy jaunt to the end zone. Great job by the O-line


wordpress stats plugin

Tagged with: , , , , , ,
Posted in Game Previews
2016 Schedule
Sept. 12 vs Los Angeles: W 28-0
Sept. 18 @ Carolina: L 27-46
Sept. 25 @ Seattle: L 18-37
Sunday, Oct. 2 vs Dallas
Thursday, Oct. 6 vs Arizona
Sunday, Oct. 16 @ Buffalo
Sunday, Oct. 23 vs Tampa Bay
Sunday, Oct. 30 BYE
Sunday, Nov. 6 vs New Orleans
Sunday, Nov. 13 @ Arizona
Sunday, Nov. 20 vs New England
Sunday, Nov. 27 @ Miami
Sunday, Dec. 4 @ Chicago
Sunday, Dec. 11 vs New York Jets
Sunday, Dec. 18 @ Atlanta
Saturday, Dec. 24 @ Los Angeles
Sunday, Jan. 1 vs Seattle
2016 Draft Class
1. Deforest Buckner, DL
1. Joshua Garnett, OG
3. Will Redmond, CB
4. Rashard Robinson, CB
5. Ronald Blair, DE
5. John Theus, OT
5. Fahn Cooper, OT
6. Jeff Driskell, QB
6. Kelvin Taylor, RB
6. Aaron Burbridge, WR
7. Prince Charles Iworah, CB
2016 Prognostications
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 9-7, 8-8, 7-9, 10-6
Grumpy: 3-13
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10
Spitblood: 3-13
Winder: 3-13