When the 2010 season began, the first five 49er games of the season were widely viewed as two easy wins (KC and Seattle), two sure losses (Saints and Atlanta), and one toss-up (Eagles). As it turned out, all five of those teams ending up being playoff teams. Also, the easy wins became lopsided losses, the sure losses were nail-biter defeats, and the toss-up was an ordinary they whupped us game.
Aside from the fact that these five losses were entirely the fault of Alex Smith, and even though these five losses were entirely the fault of Mike Singletary, and that three of the losses were entirely Jimmy Raye’s fault, and all five losses were the direct fault of the overrated defense, it’s clear that all of the blame for these five losses can be placed squarely on the shoulders of an evil conspiracy.
Actually, no I’m not. The fault lies at league headquarters, specifically in the Schedule Makers office. Each year these dweebs work overtime to make sure that both the 49ers and Raiders get as screwed as they can screw them. This might be viewed as a paranoid projection by those who are full of shit, but it is a reality to those of us who KNOW STUFF. Why would the league have a vendetta against these two franchises? I’m glad you asked.
The Raiders and the 49ers represent the megalopolis known as The Bay Area. This glop of municipal humanity has EIGHT Super Bowl titles to its credit, two distinct brand name Offensive Philosophies (one galling known and copied throughout the league as the “West Coast” offense), and two ownership thumbs gouged into the NFL eyeballs (DeBartolo and Davis). No other area or metropolitan center in the entire U.S.A can match these achievements or this maverick genius. Ha ha ha!!!
The overhyped New York area has four piddly Titles, Massachusetts three, Pennsylvania six, Chicago ONE, Texas five, Los Angeles one (loaned from The Bay Area), Florida two, Denver two, Washington D.C. three, Green Bay four (the first two don’t really count), and your scattered ONEsies around the country. The East Coast absolutely HATES being DOMINATED, KICKED AROUND, SMACKED IN THE FACE, by the West Coast.
These Eastern insecurities do everything they can to unbalance the league and tilt it eastward of the Rockies. Pittsburgh got three tarnished trophies (all over western teams) courtesy of the league’s referees (but not when playing the sacred remains from Wisconsin). New England got three tarnished trophies by cheating and by the league inventing the Tuck Rule to keep the Raiders out, just like they did with the Immaculate Reception that gifted Pittsburgh. [excuse me, got to go wipe some foam off my lips]
Okay. You see my point. Where the Bay Area is concerned, the two teams have to beat not only the teams they face, but the 13th man at league HQ. Most recently, the league hauled the tampering rule out of moth balls to help inhibit the 49ers rebuilding efforts, erasing a 5th round pick and pushing us downward in the 3rd round, too. When this rule was applied to Detroit this year, the penalty was a heisted 7th round pick and a swap in the 5th round! These are real facts, fellas.
Don’t get me wrong. The NFL wants teams out here on the West Coast, but only to get their hands on the money in this geographical region. Not to fairly compete with the darlings on the Least Coast. Mike Nolan didn’t understand this handicap, and neither did Singletary. They were East Coast dupes, uninformed citizens. But Bill Walsh and Eddie DeBartolo knew. Oh, yeah, they got it.
And so does Jim Harbaugh. He learned it at Stanford, which has been taking a back seat to the overrated Ivy League schools for half a century. We’re in good hands now, fans. We have a coach who KNOWS STUFF. When you know your enemy, you can beat him.