The Thirteenth Man

When the 2010 season began, the first five 49er games of the season were widely viewed as two easy wins (KC and Seattle), two sure losses (Saints and Atlanta), and one toss-up (Eagles). As it turned out, all five of those teams ending up being playoff teams. Also, the easy wins became lopsided losses, the sure losses were nail-biter defeats, and the toss-up was an ordinary they whupped us game.

Aside from the fact that these five losses were entirely the fault of Alex Smith, and even though these five losses were entirely the fault of Mike Singletary, and that three of the losses were entirely Jimmy Raye’s fault, and all five losses were the direct fault of the overrated defense, it’s clear that all of the blame for these five losses can be placed squarely on the shoulders of an evil conspiracy.

Just kidding.

Actually, no I’m not. The fault lies at league headquarters, specifically in the Schedule Makers office. Each year these dweebs work overtime to make sure that both the 49ers and Raiders get as screwed as they can screw them. This might be viewed as a paranoid projection by those who are full of shit, but it is a reality to those of us who KNOW STUFF. Why would the league have a vendetta against these two franchises? I’m glad you asked.

The Raiders and the 49ers represent the megalopolis known as The Bay Area. This glop of municipal humanity has EIGHT Super Bowl titles to its credit, two distinct brand name Offensive Philosophies (one galling known and copied throughout the league as the “West Coast” offense), and two ownership thumbs gouged into the NFL eyeballs (DeBartolo and Davis). No other area or metropolitan center in the entire U.S.A can match these achievements or this maverick genius. Ha ha ha!!!

The overhyped New York area has four piddly Titles, Massachusetts three, Pennsylvania six, Chicago ONE, Texas five, Los Angeles one (loaned from The Bay Area), Florida two, Denver two, Washington D.C. three, Green Bay four (the first two don’t really count), and your scattered ONEsies around the country. The East Coast absolutely HATES being DOMINATED, KICKED AROUND, SMACKED IN THE FACE, by the West Coast.

These Eastern insecurities do everything they can to unbalance the league and tilt it eastward of the Rockies. Pittsburgh got three tarnished trophies (all over western teams) courtesy of the league’s referees (but not when playing the sacred remains from Wisconsin). New England got three tarnished trophies by cheating and by the league inventing the Tuck Rule to keep the Raiders out, just like they did with the Immaculate Reception that gifted Pittsburgh. [excuse me, got to go wipe some foam off my lips]

Okay. You see my point. Where the Bay Area is concerned, the two teams have to beat not only the teams they face, but the 13th man at league HQ. Most recently, the league hauled the tampering rule out of moth balls to help inhibit the 49ers rebuilding efforts, erasing a 5th round pick and pushing us downward in the 3rd round, too. When this rule was applied to Detroit this year, the penalty was a heisted 7th round pick and a swap in the 5th round! These are real facts, fellas.

Don’t get me wrong. The NFL wants teams out here on the West Coast, but only to get their hands on the money in this geographical region. Not to fairly compete with the darlings on the Least Coast. Mike Nolan didn’t understand this handicap, and neither did Singletary. They were East Coast dupes, uninformed citizens. But Bill Walsh and Eddie DeBartolo knew. Oh, yeah, they got it.

And so does Jim Harbaugh. He learned it at Stanford, which has been taking a back seat to the overrated Ivy League schools for half a century. We’re in good hands now, fans. We have a coach who KNOWS STUFF. When you know your enemy, you can beat him.

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Posted in The Usual Suspects
6 comments on “The Thirteenth Man
  1. rob_No Gravatar says:

    NJ 49ER
    good to see you on here ! i have’nt been able to do as much draft research as usual this year ! i do think we should look at a QB in rds. 4-7 , so far stanzi and enderle come to mind ! maybe a fullback in 5-7 too ! got any good late round prospects for me ?

  2. rob_No Gravatar says:

    speaking of league issues , the local sports radio guys were all a-buzz over just having seen eddie D. recently (he lives in the area) and were all wanting to send him to the NFL meetings ! they all figure he could get it done !

  3. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Skeebs chortle today is a full rant. Can’t say I agree but it was funny. My one concern about Harbaugh is he likes to run straight up the middle, how long will it take him to figure out it doesn’t work as well in the pros?

  4. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    The Eagles are tampering with Brian Westbrook. I demand satisfaction. [insert sound of glove slapping face]

  5. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Not likely, Dennis. Remember, we KNOW STUFF.

  6. NJ49erNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Rob, wondered if you’ve been hold up in a Witness Protection Program or something?

    I’ve been scouring the Draft sites and collecting data since October.

    I’m down for a QB in the mid to late range also.

    Sticking with Stanzi/Devlin/McElroy only because I want early picks to improve the Defense.

    Can’t argue against Kapernick, he’s interesting, but I certainly can’t buy Newton.

    Get me a good stockpile of 3-4 weapons already, starting with the DLine.

2021 Schedules
09/12: W 49ers 41, Lions 33
09/19: W 49ers 17, Eagles 11
09/26: L Packers 30, 49ers 28
10/03: L Seahawks 28, 49ers 21
10/10: L Cardinals 17, 49ers 10
10/17 BYE
10/24: L Colts 30, 49ers 18
10/31: W 49ers 33, Bears 22
11/07: L Cardinals 31, 49ers 17
11/15: W 49ers 31, Rams 10L
11/21: W 49ers 30, Jaguars 10
11/28: W 49ers 34, Vikings 26
12/05: L Seahawks 30, 49ers 23 12/12 · 10:00 AMCIN
12/19 · 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 · 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 · 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 · 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
2021 Prognostications
Bullit: 12-5
Grumpy: 13-4
NJ49er: 11-6
Skeebers: 14-3
Winder: 12-5
Rob: 17-0
Spitblood: 0-17