The San Francisco 49ers’ two game flirtation as a bona fide NFL entity came to a screeching halt Thursday night as the Seattle Seahawks pounded them into oblivion, ravaged their village, stole their manhood, ran off with their wives, and posted it all on Youtube with a thunderous laugh track.
The 49ers took the opening kickoff, briskly went three and out, then watched Seattle’s Marshawn Lynch rip through them for sixty yards and a TD. Game over — but they played the rest of it anyway. For the night, the 49ers managed just 142 yards, the fewest for any NFL team in any game this season.
QB Colin Kaepernick proved once again that he’s only effective if he has ten seconds to find a receiver, with a clean pocket as wide and empty as the high-priced stadium seat section. He was sacked six times during the game and managed nothing as a result. Conversely contrarily, Seattle QB Russell Wilson was sacked five times, tossed two interceptions, but still effectively posted twenty points. That’s what franchise QBs do. Kaepernick doesn’t.
The offensive line sucks, but that’s entirely on Trent Baalke, who assembled this collection of mutts, terming the whole shebang a “retooling.” What a crock of horse manure. It’s called “I know what I’m doing because twenty years ago I was in the same room as Bill Parcells who noticed me for a couple of seconds.” Psssst! Trent, old boy. YOU SUCK!
I’d say the defense was moderately okay, except that Seattle really isn’t that good any more. Their offensive line is a joke. The Niners came into the game without any sacks for the past couple of games, barely getting any pressure all year, and yet managed five against Wilson. That’s a really bad O-line. Lynch can’t pound away like he could before, unless it’s the Niners, whom he owns. He bulled his way to 122 yards in this game, even though the strength of this defense is supposed to be against the run.
Afterward, several players and HC Jim Tomsula termed the results “unacceptable” — thus proving that Jed York‘s tweet from last year has emblazoned itself in infamy on the team and the entire known world. Football guys don’t use terms like “unacceptable.” They say, “We got our butts kicked.” Or, “We stunk it up tonight.”
Tomsula finally broke from his season long “own it, fix it, and move on” mantra and said he was miffed. Maybe this butt-licking, back-stabbing, ownership-groveling tool is going to actually yell at the players today, like a real NFL coach might do. Watch out, Jimmy T., the whole locker room might come tumbling down around you.
Unfortunately, you can’t fix bad players. Or bad coaching. Or front office bunglers. Not this year. And maybe not for a long, long time.