Tonight Mike Singletary puts his coaching career and the fate of the 2010 49ers season on the line in Arizona. The Smith QB best prepared to run the immense and intricate playbook of Frank Gore to the left, to the right, up the middle, and swinging into the flat, with an occasional ponderous look downfield until throwing the ball away or bolting for the sideline, will be sitting on the bench.
Starting in his place will be the other Smith, who has only mastered a few pages of this book and will be restricted to Gore up the middle, to the left, to the right, and in the flat, with an occasional look downfield until running out of wiggle room and getting sacked. Keen observers of the game will immediately notice the missing wrinkles in these various Gore plays and the wiggling versus 1,2,3 get out of here style differences of the Smith position performers.
Over the weekend, a stunning scandal erupted in Denver when it was revealed that the Broncos had taped a 49er practice in London. The Belichick Tree in action. Apparently, Denver coach Josh McDaniels was not a keen observer of wrinkles and versuses, and attempted to get a competitive disadvantage by cheating. What a fool! Playing the 49ers was already a competitive disadvantage! What was this idiot thinking?!
Plus, of course, Denver lost the game. Whooooeee, what a burn! It was nice of Mr. McDaniels and the Broncos to attempt to steal the debacle spotlight from the 49ers, but tonight the Niners play a nationwide game and can regain the 2010 Dunce Cap trophy with one phinal phizzling phailuresque phall on their phaces.
The Cardinals, however, have quietly stunk it up for five consecutive games themselves and might just be in the mood to make it six in front of the whole country! Apparently, Arizona coach Ken Whisenhunt, smarting from losing twice to Singletary last year, decided to show who was the superior dunce by attempting to play the whole season with third string QBs who were the featured members of the offense, rather than the hand-it-off members.
Whisenhunt has job security, however, and Singletary does not. Whisenhunt has a Super Bowl appearance (thank you, Kurt Warner) and a couple years left on his contract and works for the tight fisted Bidwells, who have been running a York operation for half a century. His griddle won’t get hot till next year.
Many people think a Monday night game between two 3-7 teams will be uninteresting. Gadzooks! This is a Vulture Game! There is a guaranteed road kill squad waiting to be beaked apart limb by limb. Throw in an excessive number of screen shots of Singletary’s Crucifix and the Cardinal cheerleaders doing the spread and we will have SEX, DEATH, and RELIGION all on the menu. These three winners are what make the Tabloids and movie industries rich. Viewers paradise.
Meanwhile, there is an actual game that will be played, hidden cleverly in all the non-stop blather, and the winner, thanks to Seattle’s loss at home to the Chiefs, will be only one game out of first place in the NFC West with five games to play. The 49ers have three more division games and two road wipe outs left on their slate, so 7-9 is the best they can do. Will it be enough? Probably not, but if you say it doesn’t matter, then ask yourself how you will be feeling if that last game of the season at the Stick, against these same Cardinals, is somehow a win and in deal for the 49ers. Be honest.
Are we ready for some football? Yummmm Baby!