The 49ers finished 3rd in the NFC West last year. This was very disheartening, if I may understate the issue. That plain statement of fact hurts worse than all the cuss words in the Urban Dictionary or Unca_Chuck’s blog that could be hurled instead. 3rd in the NFC West. Egads, gents! Have you no shame!
The lone bright spot in this gargantuan failure is that the 2011 Niners will not have to experience their yearly butt kicking by the Green Bay Packers. The team will instead face the equally third place Lions, who will be picked by many touts as a rising commodity in the NFC North. We also do not have to face the New Orleans Saints or Atlanta Falcons, getting the Buccaneers instead — the team that beat us worse than the first two last year.
The rest of the 2011 schedule will be against the AFC North and the NFC East. We’ll have home games against the Cowboys and Giants, and the Browns and Steelers. Which means the team will still get its ass whupped by the Philadelphia Eagles again next year.
Of course, these oracles are based on recent 49er history, which may or may not apply to this coming season. Greg Manusky had no answers when it came to the Packers and Eagles, but maybe Vic Fangio does. Or maybe we just need some better horses for the course.
The Niners should be able to get at least one of these needed players with the 7th pick in the 2011 Draft — either a cornerback or a passing rushing OLB. It seemed doubtful we would get a premier guy a month or so ago, but the annual rising stock of the QBs is making that 7th pick look more and more promising.
Cam Newton, he of the impressive butt, according to Trent Dilfer, whose wandering eyes bring a squeamish twinge to the land of the Talking Heads, is oohing his way up the draft board ever closer to Numero Uno. Blaine Gabbert may also squeeze his way up past our 7th pick, which would push two defensive studs downward toward our sweaty little fingers.
Or should I say Trent Baalke’s grasping apparatus. Trent has control over the draft and the 53 man roster. This apparently doesn’t bother Jim Harbaugh, so it presumably shouldn’t bother us. Ha ha. Sure.
Baalke had a pretty decent first year on the job. His 2010 Draft was solid. Mike Iupati is already a big time player, and if Anthony Davis and Taylor Mays become stars, last year’s draft will get an A+. Baalke’s post-draft actions, unbeknownst to us at the time, also look impressive. He realized Mike Singletary was a bum and let him drown, rather than dive in and try to help keep him afloat. At season’s end, he landed Harbaugh, the hottest coaching candidate on the market.
What’s not to like about Baalke? So far, nothing. You da man, Trent. But you better not eff up that number seven pick this year. Or grab a bunch of weiners with the other picks. Hot dogs are okay, but weiners are der schnitzel waltzy-schmaltzy. I’m sure you know the difference. I hope you know the difference. You better know the difference.