Horses and Dogs

The 49ers finished 3rd in the NFC West last year. This was very disheartening, if I may understate the issue. That plain statement of fact hurts worse than all the cuss words in the Urban Dictionary or Unca_Chuck’s blog that could be hurled instead. 3rd in the NFC West. Egads, gents! Have you no shame!

The lone bright spot in this gargantuan failure is that the 2011 Niners will not have to experience their yearly butt kicking by the Green Bay Packers. The team will instead face the equally third place Lions, who will be picked by many touts as a rising commodity in the NFC North. We also do not have to face the New Orleans Saints or Atlanta Falcons, getting the Buccaneers instead — the team that beat us worse than the first two last year.

The rest of the 2011 schedule will be against the AFC North and the NFC East. We’ll have home games against the Cowboys and Giants, and the Browns and Steelers. Which means the team will still get its ass whupped by the Philadelphia Eagles again next year.

Of course, these oracles are based on recent 49er history, which may or may not apply to this coming season. Greg Manusky had no answers when it came to the Packers and Eagles, but maybe Vic Fangio does. Or maybe we just need some better horses for the course.

The Niners should be able to get at least one of these needed players with the 7th pick in the 2011 Draft — either a cornerback or a passing rushing OLB. It seemed doubtful we would get a premier guy a month or so ago, but the annual rising stock of the QBs is making that 7th pick look more and more promising.

Cam Newton, he of the impressive butt, according to Trent Dilfer, whose wandering eyes bring a squeamish twinge to the land of the Talking Heads, is oohing his way up the draft board ever closer to Numero Uno. Blaine Gabbert may also squeeze his way up past our 7th pick, which would push two defensive studs downward toward our sweaty little fingers.

Or should I say Trent Baalke’s grasping apparatus. Trent has control over the draft and the 53 man roster. This apparently doesn’t bother Jim Harbaugh, so it presumably shouldn’t bother us. Ha ha. Sure.

Baalke had a pretty decent first year on the job. His 2010 Draft was solid. Mike Iupati is already a big time player, and if Anthony Davis and Taylor Mays become stars, last year’s draft will get an A+. Baalke’s post-draft actions, unbeknownst to us at the time, also look impressive. He realized Mike Singletary was a bum and let him drown, rather than dive in and try to help keep him afloat. At season’s end, he landed Harbaugh, the hottest coaching candidate on the market.

What’s not to like about Baalke? So far, nothing. You da man, Trent. But you better not eff up that number seven pick this year. Or grab a bunch of weiners with the other picks. Hot dogs are okay, but weiners are der schnitzel waltzy-schmaltzy. I’m sure you know the difference. I hope you know the difference. You better know the difference.



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19 comments on “Horses and Dogs
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Let us ope Baalke doesn’t dip into the libations before the draft as it appeared McCloughan did.

  2. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    You said it, Berg. Not me. I was tempted to write something about keeping a lean look and not going puffo face on us, but thought it might be too tacky.

  3. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Libation is the WOTD. You can’t beat that with a stick. Our quarterbacks, however, I’d like to take a 2×4 and go medieval on their ass.

  4. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Looks like Harbaugh wants Alex to resign with us. He made that clear on KNBR this morning. So the question is not if the 49ers want him back but if Alex wants to be back. Looks like the ball is in Alex’s court.

  5. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Hopefully if Alex signs the lockout will last until next February.

  6. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    I wasn’t going to bring that Alex news up, either, Berg. I thought our resident non-jock-sniffers and non-excuse-tolerators could use a quiet, peaceful weekend before going ballistic next week. I see it’s already too late.

  7. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    I already resigned myself to my fate, Skeebs. Having David Carr and a draftee as your only QBs isn’t going to cut it.
    Besides, with Alex as starter against this year’s schedule, the Niners will have great draft position to trade up for Luck.

  8. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    That’s the spirit, RT. A glass half-fuller approach. It’s either #1 in 2012 or gosh, what a year in 2011. Happy guy either way.

  9. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    If the Niners don’t Luck out next year and keep Alex starting through 2013, they can not only suck that long but be first in line for Nick Montana when he comes out early in 2014!

  10. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    He’s not coming back. I won’t allow it.

  11. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Dennis, maybe they can find a double for Alex, like they do with 3rd world dictators. All they’d have to do is teach him to run to the right and throw it out of bounds. If someone gets in his way, then find the first guy in the same colored jersey and heave it over his head. Or at his feet. How hard could that be? Same results, but at least we’d know it’s not Alex.

  12. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    And those who have no other goddamned quarterbacks are doomed to keep starting Alex Smith.

    Its not a perfect world.

  13. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    You guys are craking me up! One thing is for sure, if Alex fails with a coach who understands the position (Harbaugh), then you guys were correct all along. But I say that would just be dumb luck to go along with emotions that get in the way of facts. If Alex sucked under Singletary then I guess you are telling me Sing was a good coach and it was the QB? OK, now I got it.

  14. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    It’s a shame about Harbaugh, though. I wonder if, when Alex The Coach Killer gets done with him, he can still get the Michigan job?

  15. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    RT- I’ve been drinking so I will not post again tonight, but you are the one Smith hater I respect. You have made your opinions clear from the start while others have evaded the subject. You, my friend, are the one Smith hater I would say is an honest man. The others, they tell us how they are just telling the truth, whatever? You, my friend, are always welcome in my house because you do not mince words, you are an honest bloke. We disagree, but I’m OK with that. I like honesty. Even in politics we disagree in a major way, but you are always welcome in my house, I love a man I can trust. I doubt we will ever agree about much, but whatever, I still like you. Peace brother.

  16. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    Well, one good thing about Alex is, he is the only warm body right now between us and the David Carr Era.

    Since the CBA fiasco is about to make trades and FA signings impossible, probably until right before games finally start, and since there are no rookies I see us drafting who could come in and start on Day One in any event, I think its now better than 50-50 that Harbaugh sweet talks Alex into coming back. Just no other options now.

    At this point in his career, the historical trends run against Alex ever being more than mediocre. Very few guys blossom so late. But I agree that Harbaugh is the best QB handler we’ve had since McCarthy left, and if anyone can get Alex to stop thinking and play football it would be him.

    So I’m expecting this will be a frustrating off-season, and a rebuilding largely put off by events outside our control. Alex will start, JH will try to mentor him, and the fans will be impatient.

    Most likely, it will be painful, but WTH, as they say, Maybe the Horse Will Learn to Sing.

    In the meantime, someone lay in a stock of booze and antidepressants for Dennis and the rest of us who are doubters.

  17. FranchiseNo Gravatar says:

    Pretty spot on Grumpy when it comes to 2011 expectations. I’m mentally preparing myself for that same fate. 

     

    Call me a sucker once again for getting behind Alex. First when Sing endorsed him at the start of 2010, now let’s see if Coach can get something out of him. If not, Alex is keeping the seat warm for… what’s his name… the one from Menlo Park who enjoys knocking DBs on their backsides when not zipping 40-yard square outs. 

     

    I sincerely hope Blaine and his Beretta arm falls in our laps – catnip trade bait for other piss poor quarterbacked teams. 

     

  18. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    If Danica Patrick can lead a lap at Daytona, maybe Harbaugh could work his magic with Alex.
     
    What the hell am I saying? Harry Houdini couldn’t work his magic with Alex. Pass the antidepressants and booze. And you can pass Danica my way while you’re at it. Go Daddy!

  19. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe 7 is Alex’s lucky number. I hate the number 7. Worst goddamn number on the craps table.
     
    “7-out, line away. Don’t you pay. Last come gets some.”

2021 Schedule
09/12 - 10:00 AM @ DET
09/19 · 10:00 AM @ PHI
09/26 · 5:20 PM v GB
10/03 · 1:05 PM v SEA
10/10 · 1:25 PM @ AZ
10/17 BYE
10/24 · 5:20 PM v IND
10/31 · 10:00 AM @ CHI
11/07 · 1:25 PM v AZ
11/15 · 5:15 PM v LAR
11/21 · 10:00 AM @ JAX
11/28 · 1:25 PM v MIN
12/05 · 5:20 PM @ SEA
12/12 · 10:00 AM @ CIN
12/19 · 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 · 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 · 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 · 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
 
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
WINNERS:
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

LOSERS:
Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

ABSTAINERS:
Grumpy: DNP
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