Hopes, Hype, and Horseshit

The 49ers certainly hogged the news feeds Wednesday with their much publicized and speculated upon search for a GM. Bill Parcells and Michael Lombardi bubbled up to the surface and quickly floated downstream. No word yet whether Bill Walsh’s corpse has been exhumed for a posthumous DNA study, but there are a few days left before the grand announcement that nothing will be different takes place.

It would be nice to think Jed York knows full well that this whole process is a loud bit of distracting noise and doesn’t give a crap if it’s obvious or not. Any diversion from discussing any part of this past season is a plus. Of course, it’s entirely possible that he just isn’t yet any good at disguising phony baloney from the expert sniffers and pokers employed throughout the land.

Meanwhile, Alex Smith has been chosen by Jim Tomsula to start the season finale against the Cardinals. Tomsula cited his “experience” as the main factor, a reasonable conclusion that obviously played no part in Mike Singletary’s extensive exploration of his gut vibes when selecting Troy Smith to lead the flopathon last Sunday in St. Louis. Not that it would have mattered, since the offensive line capped off another pathetic season by being totally useless one last ignominious time.

It is presumed this Sunday will be the finale opportunity for 49er fans to boo Alex. Unless, of course, the next HC decides that Smith is the best QB available this off season and cajoles management and Smith to return to the front lines for yet another year. This would be a terrific way for the new HC to get off on the wrong foot, for not even assurances from Bill Walsh himself would likely be enough to persuade the firmly entrenched Smith Haters to tolerate seeing Number 11 take the field ever again. If Smith did return for another season, you’d seriously have to ask yourself if he’s anywhere near as smart as he is reputed to be. [Haha. Relax, folks. Just stirring the pot a little in a dead week.]

Speaking of the next HC, that search will be conducted next week and will generate a lot more avid interest from 49er fans than this quasi GM search has. Since the entire world now knows that Jim Harbaugh is the target, let’s hope he doesn’t give the franchise the finger. That would not be a good thing.

Frank Gore admitted yesterday that it would be nice to have a head coach who knew something about offense. He has never played a pro game for this type of coach. He also never says anything to depart from loyal company guy, so this admission fairly shouted out the words that the blogosphere has been chanting for many, many moons. Briefly translated: Our Offense Sucks! Good riddance to Singletary!

Does anyone know what kind of offensive system Harbaugh employs? Digit? Verbiage? West Coast? I don’t have any idea. I do know he likes big offensive linemen and a strong running game, which sounds like a familiar 49er refrain these past few years, and is certainly the way this team is built to perform. If it ever performs, that is. Offensive linemen in San Francisco seem to enter some sort of Voodoo Zone when they arrive here.

At least the Niners do not own a patent on years with bad endings. It only seems that way. For instance, this winter Brett Farve will have to limp home to the farm like a damn fool and spend a whole bunch of icy days and nights with his wife, who is no doubt quite displeased with knowing her husband’s organ was vividly displayed to a young lady in New York in recent years, along with a lot of amorous textie-wextie. I can’t help wondering how many innocent citizens Charles Haley would have offended if iPhones and Blackberries were available during the days he was waving his size triple X wand around at the universe with neurotic and fiendish glee. Must take nap now. Go away thoughts. Do not come back.

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9 comments on “Hopes, Hype, and Horseshit
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    I just can’t get dithyrambic until I know who the coach will be. And even then I worry since the last three coaches ended up disappointing me after I initially went dithyrambic.

  2. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Skeebs- If you want to know what a Jim Harbaugh offense looks like, think Norv Turner.

  3. TonyNo Gravatar says:

    Hey guys…. if we get Harbaugh… games with the Seaguls will have an extra element….The last couple of years Harbaugh has had Carrolls number…Harbaughs first big win was against USC a few years back and Stanford ran up the score on the (then) mighty Trojans. Dont think Carrolls looking forward to playing against Harbaugh coached teams again …this could be fun ..

  4. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    What I’m mainly thinking is how severe the playbook learning curve will be for this team next year, especially since Nate Davis might be our only available option at QB.

  5. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Could be a good reason to bring Alex back. What playbook or system has he not seen in six years? At this point he should have a decent clue about all of them, he just needs to master one. I’m hoping he decides to write a book some day on offensive philosophy because he has seen it all and could probably articulate it fairly well for the common fan like me.

  6. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    The only reason he should really come back is to piss off fans such as yourself. That would be entertaining.

  7. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    The only QB under contract to the 49ers after Sunday is David Carr.
    I’m a HC coach looking for a job, I can’t wait to come to the Niners.

  8. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    RT- Funny thing is as a younger dude I was always commissioned to be the trouble shooter for the companies I worked for. I always looked for the biggest challenge. Why wouldn’t a coach want to come here. You sound like such a democrat.

  9. FranchiseNo Gravatar says:

    The Andrew Luck Draft Watch update: 


    #1 Carolina 2-13 Andrew Luck QB Stanford 
    #2 Denver * 4-11 Marcell Dareus DE Alabama 
    #3 Cincinnati * 4-11 A.J. Green WR Georgia 
    #4 Buffalo * 4-11 Jake Locker QB Washington 
    #5 Arizona * 5-10 Robert Quinn DE North Carolina 
    #6 San Francisco * 5-10 Nick Fairley DT Auburn 
    #7 Dallas 5-10 Adrian Clayborn DE Iowa 
    #8 Houston 5-10 Prince Amukamara CB Nebraska 
    #9 Detroit 5-10 Patrick Peterson CB LSU 
    #10 Cleveland 5-10 Justin Blackmon WR Oklahoma 


    * Teams who will try and trade up to that coveted spot, swap #1’s, and give Jerry Richardson more draft picks than heartburns at his Hardees restaurants. 


2021 Schedules
09/12: W 49ers 41, Lions 33
09/19: W 49ers 17, Eagles 11
09/26: L Packers 30, 49ers 28
10/03: L Seahawks 28, 49ers 21
10/10: L Cardinals 17, 49ers 10
10/17 BYE
10/24: L Colts 30, 49ers 18
10/31: W 49ers 33, Bears 22
11/07: L Cardinals 31, 49ers 17
11/15: W 49ers 31, Rams 10L
11/21: W 49ers 30, Jaguars 10
11/28: W 49ers 34, Vikings 26
12/05: L Seahawks 30, 49ers 23 12/12 · 10:00 AMCIN
12/19 · 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 · 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 · 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 · 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
2021 Prognostications
Bullit: 12-5
Grumpy: 13-4
NJ49er: 11-6
Skeebers: 14-3
Winder: 12-5
Rob: 17-0
Spitblood: 0-17