Holy Gulparoni!

Has an NFL franchise ever won a division title on the last day of the season, playing at home in front of a crowd wearing paper bags over their heads? With Sunday’s splutz out by both the Seattle Seahawks and the St. Louis Rams, this window is now open for wagers.

I know one thing, it’s better than being a New York Giant fan this morning. Wowzoozie! What a melt down! 28 points in the last 7 minutes of the 4th quarter! Some of you sadists out there would pay dearly to see Mike Singletary face the press after a collapse like that. One hint of having to “look at the tape” would cause howls of laughter that would be heard at the South Pole.

This football fanning stuff is a tough racket. It leads to philosophical quandaries about whether it is better to have a good team that is a loser or a crap team that ends up a winner. Whether it is better to have a top ten draft pick and a new coaching staff or a #21 draft pick and a cameo playoff beat down described sneeringly by whomever is telecasting the game. Out sneered, of course, by the super hip 49er fans who would attend this playoff game still attired in the above mentioned paper bags. It would be fitting, since the franchise that made paper bags famous, New Orleans, would most likely be the Niners’ opponent.

For the first time since 2002, the 15th game of the year is a meaningful game for the Niners. During the Nolan/Singletary years, winning the 15th and 16th games of the season has become almost a sure thing. However, can the team do it when it matters? (Hint: They’ll blow it.)

Those who are praying for a Singletary axe job could not have asked for a better opportunity. Losing to the Rams would make it impossible to retain him. But, beating the Rams and getting into the playoffs would make it hard to fire him. It’s edge of your seat drama, one week away. Putting aside the embarrassment and pain of this underwhelming year, isn’t this what any fan could hope for out of a season? Nooooo? Okay. Just throwing it out there.

Personally, I’m not ashamed to admit I hope we win this game. I’ve laid too many eggs in life to get huffy about style points. Sneak in, crawl in, bribe your way in, who cares? Just get in. It’s the same game plan I have for The Day of Reckoning (Dear Lord, I plead severe confusion. Let me in. Please.) Give these bums a taste of victory at last. It’s one more game to watch. It’s an end to the Takeo Spikes playoff jinx. It’s Alex Smith tripping in the end zone while trying to spike the ball. Wait. Where’d that come from?

This is the way I used to feel about the game that would give the Niners home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Hmmmm. Not a good comparison. I’m depressed again. Where was I? 2010. Right. Sigh.

Below, NoFear checks in with a horrendous play from the San Diego game, which was duplicated almost precisely by the Patriots in Sunday night’s game, almost getting Tom Brady killed, like Smith was in 2007.

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NoFear’s Fotos

4th and 1 at the goal line following Smith’s near TD run stopped short in the first series of the 2nd QTR. Did anybody block it right? Maybe the TEs.

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12 comments on “Holy Gulparoni!
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    For the nth degree of absurdity, we are still ferreting a play-off. The paper bag analogy was very fitting.

  2. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Two rookie O-linemen, 11 in the box and we still try to jam it in the middle. Is it Sing, MJ or Alex’s fault. I say all of the above.

  3. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    Why, oh effing why, are we still taking after all the rebuilding of our O-line the last few years, about defenders getting underneath our guys?

    Its like the most fundamental thing in blocking – low man almost always wins – is a total mystery around these parts.

    Our O-line hasn’t had decent technique since Saint Bobb died.

  4. unca_chuckNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, it was Alex’s fault. He should have blocked the LB who came in clean . . . Sure looked like Iupati missed his assignment.

    Think Dixon makes it if Iupati makes his block? Snyder whiffed as well. Looking at the (lack of) blocking there, nothing would have likely worked. Both edges were covered, and the middle was stuffed. Although rolling to the right made sense in that situation. They MAY have been able to get off a pass to Byham.

  5. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    unca- Good point. I should clarify. Alex should have seen the 11 in the box and either called a TO or called an audible or improvised. MJ should know better than to go power I with one play to get it in. Spread the formation to take some out of the box. That would allow for easier blocking assignments. But of course it comes down to the coach. We are not here to fool anybody, right. Including the scoreboard when it shows no points being added on.

  6. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Even had the Niners gotten 7, I would still say “Never, ever, take points off the board.” I don’t know, I heard that somewhere.
    For draft, since we won’t get Luck, I want a pass-rushing monster or the best CB available.
    I’m just a couch potato (former barfly, but my drinking days are long gone along with my cancer), but aren’t pass-rusher picks high risk, and CBs low-risk? A CB would be the best CB on the team by the end of camp. Hard to pass that up, if true.

  7. unca_chuckNo Gravatar says:

    I just hope prince is around when we pick. he’s about the best thing the Niners can get.

  8. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    I was screaming for a naked bootleg even before the Niners lined up.
    I thought since everyone knows Sing would run it up the middle, and Alex would be extra motivated after his almost-TD, it would be the perfect time for the call.

  9. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Looking at the “blocking” on the right side (picture 4), that wouldn’t have worked either.

  10. FranchiseNo Gravatar says:

    Nice shots NoFear. 
    Skeebs – may I post my brother’s shots from our game at the Q? These are compelling closeups of Smith running for his life that only a Canon EOS 50D can deliver. Also showcases Smith’s incomparable form and throwing motion for his consecutive incompletions. 

  11. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Sure, Franchise. Sounds great. You can email them to me at Skeebers@49ersOutsider.com. Don’t worry about the size. I can scale them to fit.

  12. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    If the 49ers had a ferret as its mascot, I know which and whom’s orifice I’d wish it to crawl up.

2021 Schedules
09/12: W 49ers 41, Lions 33
09/19: W 49ers 17, Eagles 11
09/26: L Packers 30, 49ers 28
10/03: L Seahawks 28, 49ers 21
10/10: L Cardinals 17, 49ers 10
10/17 BYE
10/24: L Colts 30, 49ers 18
10/31: W 49ers 33, Bears 22
11/07: L Cardinals 31, 49ers 17
11/15: W 49ers 31, Rams 10L
11/21: W 49ers 30, Jaguars 10
11/28: W 49ers 34, Vikings 26
12/05: L Seahawks 30, 49ers 23 12/12 · 10:00 AMCIN
12/19 · 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 · 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 · 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 · 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
2021 Prognostications
Bullit: 12-5
Grumpy: 13-4
NJ49er: 11-6
Skeebers: 14-3
Winder: 12-5
Rob: 17-0
Spitblood: 0-17