February Sucks

It’s February 1st today and all football fans know what that means. The most useless month of the year has arrived.

Tomorrow, somewhere in New Hampshire or Maine or one of those hoity-toit states up there in the northeast corner of the country, local idiots will actually watch some ugly ass groundhog pop out of his hole and either cast a shadow or not. Hey dolts, if the sun’s visible, there will be a shadow. Otherwise, there won’t. You don’t need a groundhog to figure this out.

I know it’s all for fun, at least we hope it is, but seriously, who thought up such a dildo event in the first place. The Puritans, no doubt. They couldn’t look at each other with lust in their hearts, under penalty of death, but ogling a naked rodent was A-OK.

Speaking of naked rodents, there are over 5,000 press credentials handed out for this week’s Super Bowl coverage. The annual competition for which reporter will ask the dumbest question will now commence in earnest.

After the game, many football fans will abandon the sport and the blogosphere until sometime near the draft. Those who remain in blogland will have nothing to discuss except each other, which they will do with a vengeance. If you like nasty, catty shit, this is your month to log into the Chronicle’s Insider and amaze yourself with the decadent level of perverse, subliminal existence that is loitering around out there somehow eluding the straight jacket boys.

In a normal 49er year, the blogs would rage all month about how stupid the Yorks are and how incompetent the Niner head coach is. Jed York’s hiring of Jim Harbaugh as HC has pretty much killed off these topics for this year, meaning the cannibalism factor will be more pronounced than ever.

The Chronicle Insider is the blog that most blogophiles, myself included, got their introduction into cyberspace blather. When the Insider began, commenters there actually discussed football. Within a year or so, as anonymous personalities rubbed each other raw, that site deteriorated into a pissing match zone and the quality of urination has steadily declined with each passing year. People who make football comments there seem like alien broadcasters inadvertently intersecting that particular bandwidth.

At any rate, we will attempt to stick with football here, even through the dark days ahead. The expiring CBA contract will soon take center stage, an event dreaded since last summer, and these posturing fools will strut in front of the cameras all month making hideous comments of doom. The pictures I have seen of DeMaurice Smith do not look promising. This fellow is a sour looking gent. Roger Goodell does not look sour, but he smells that way. We will monitor these goof balls, but not take them seriously. No matter what they say, a new deal will be signed at 11:59pm on March 2nd.

Until then, we have one last week of football. It is imperative that the football gods punish Ben Roethlisberger for being a loathsome creep. These gods took care of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, but good. I am going to trust them to do their job this Sunday.



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Posted in Angst 101
13 comments on “February Sucks
  1. robNo Gravatar says:

    february sucks !
    and so does pissburgh !

  2. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, the chances of this CBA getting signed in time are about the same as an ambisinister person winning Wimbledon.

  3. robNo Gravatar says:

    anybody on the christian ponder bandwagon ?
    huh ? an ambisinister person ?

  4. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, Rob, what’s up with you anyway? You’ve been disappearing for long stretches this year. Are you doing clandestine missions abroad or simply hiding out from the police?

  5. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    rob- I’ve been on the Ponder bandwagon for two years now. My only issues with him are the amount of injuries he gets. If not for that he would be my #1 QB in this draft. The injuries have sapped some arm strength. Is he going to get that back? Probabaly, but who really knows.

  6. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    Rob – Check out the Senior Bowl highlights if ya can. Ponder was named MVP. Von Miller was the best player on the field — by far. Doubt he falls to us at #7.

  7. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    I just now saw that Mel Kiper called Ponder a “poor man’s Chad Pennington” last week. That does it. I’m all in with him. The Niners will have to wheel and deal, though. #7 is too high, and he won’t be there by their pick in Round 2.

  8. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    RT- I think if he gets his arm strength back he’ll be much better than Pennington. Problem with Ponder is the ifs from the injuries. If he throws a ball 70 yards at the combine he could go as the 1st QB off the board and #5 is possible. He used to have a plus arm and right now he has an average arm, at best. That is probably the Pennington reference. Ponder says he is 100% healthy right now but if he ever gets all of arm strength back it may take at least another year. This why his distance throw at the combine will tell us where he gets picked, IMO. Personally, I’m hoping he throws the ball 60 yards and because of that he falls to us with our 2nd pick. Then as time goes on he gets his arm strength back.

  9. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    One advantage we have with Harbaugh is he has had to recover from a shoulder separation so he would understand the time it takes to get the strength back. That injury is not the one that worries me. He had a bursa sac removed from his elbow. I know nothing about the effects from this. Does this cause one to lose arm strength? I do not know. One thing I do know is his girlfriend is good to look at. If he came here we could get a glimpse of here now and then.

  10. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Reno, if Kiper says he’s a putz, then I want him. Not to mention that he impressed me the most of any QB in the Senior Bowl… I read somewhere that his elbow injury had been misdiagnosed by team doctors at FSU. It was really something like plantar fascitis (a foot injury); I couldn’t find reference to it today. I’m hoping it’s not chronic and untreatable. That would be a major problem… I’ve never cared if QBs could hit the long ball; that comes from watching Joe for so many years.

  11. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    I meant “incurable” not untreatable.

  12. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Come on over the my blog, Skeebs.

    It’s the fricking Insider Jr. NoFear and V are taking potshots at me ad nauseum . . .

  13. NJ49erNo Gravatar says:

    Skeebers, it’s a Grounhog named Punxsutawney Phil from Punxsutawney PA.

    Dumbass rodent knows Winter like Singletary knew Offense.

2020 Schedule
9-13: L Cardinals 24, 49ers 20
9-20: W 49ers 31, Jets 13
9-27: W 49ers 36, Giants 9

10-4: L Eagles 25, 49ers 20
10-11: L Dolphins 43, 49ers 17
10-18: W 49ers 24, Rams 16
10-25: W 49ers 33, Patriots 6

11-1: L Seahawks 37, 49ers 27
11-5: L Packers 34, 49ers 17
11-15: L Saints 27, 49ers 13

BYE

11-29: W 49ers 23, Rams 20

12-7: L Bills 34, 49ers 24
12-13: L Washington 23, 49ers 15
12-20: L Cowboys 41, 49ers 33
12-26: W 49ers 20, Cardinals 12

1-3: L Seahawks 26, 49ers 23

2020 Draft Class
1. DT Javon Kinlaw, South Carolina
1. WR Brandon Aiyuk, Arizona State
5. OL Colton McKivitz, West Virginia
6. TE Charlie Woerner, Georgia
7. WR Jauan Jennings, Tennessee
 
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
WINNERS:
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

LOSERS:
Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

ABSTAINERS:
Grumpy: DNP
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