CSI: Blogosphere, USA

As pointed out here by a Patriots fan Sunday (and expounded on by our foreign correspondent), Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis said the crime rate would rise if the lockout went on too long. I had been thinking that same thought recently myself. But Lewis and I arrived at this observation by different routes. He is a borderline criminal who was speaking factually. I am a blogger speaking sarcastically.

Lewis apparently feels that the idle player is the devil’s workshop. In his own case, this idle time occurred after a January, 2000 Super Bowl party when two guys were knifed to death in the vicinity of Lewis’ white floor length fur coat, which allegedly blood-stained ostentation managed to escape the crime scene and never be found.

Lewis was eventually charged with murder, along with two friends. He beat the rap by ratting out his friends and admitting he gave false information to the cops, which resulted in a year’s probation and a $250,000 fine by the NFL. His two friends eventually beat the rap completely, leaving two dead guys killed by unknown assailants. Four years after the murder, Lewis made a financial settlement with one of the victims’ family, and another settlement with the four year old child of the wife of the other victim. Hmmmm.

One year after this sordid affair, Lewis was the Super Bowl MVP and his long road back up the image spin trail culminated in the cover of Madden in 2005. He is now acknowledged to be one of the greatest linebackers to ever play the game and one of the worst schtick performers in Super Bowl history. Some people think he’s a big fat turd, too.

At any rate, his crime rise theory would make a person nervously await the post-careers of NFL players, which would feature full time, year around, idle time. Should these ex-NFLers be registered as crimes waiting to happen if they move into your neighborhood?

The bright side of this story is that Lewis does not play for the 49ers. If he did, we would be torturing ourselves trying to like him. We would all be pointing out his charity work and casting aspersions toward the police who arrested him back in 2000. Everybody occasionally misplaces a floor length, blood-covered, white fur coat, right? Heck. Some bum is probably curled up in it somewhere in the backstreet alleys of Atlanta.

But, as I mentioned, he doesn’t play for the 49ers, so I am free to be dispassionately observant. SHOVE IT, LEWIS! YOU’RE A BUM!

Lewis’ crime wave theory suggests that the splendid young fellows who are entering or have already entered the NFL have a propensity to lawless behavior, which is curtailed by the parental dictatorship of NFL coaches who work their asses off day and night, leaving them little time or energy to be mischievous. And, of course, there’s the random locker room drug tests that must be passed in order to stay in the league.

What is ultimately disconcerting about Lewis’ theory is that he’s probably right, and in making his remarks public may have attracted the notice of the secret and evil powers that rule the world, who will be tempted to put the football model to work on the ordinary citizens of the planet, leaving little room for lazy guys to blog on the internet all day long. Scary, man, scary.

Hey, Ray! STFU!

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25 comments on “CSI: Blogosphere, USA
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Any writing of Ray Lewis should be considered a longueur.

  2. robNo Gravatar says:

    wow , ray lewis schooling us on crime is like …

  3. robNo Gravatar says:

    drew brees btw was the QB a wanted us to go after when it wasn’t fashionable in the “blogosphere” ! this time it’s vince young we could probably have for a song ! however i’m not too sure DADDY dr dork would give his ok . to giving it a shot ! imho old dr deyorkian would never risk a draft pick on the potential that old VY would give us ( even tho our only options at QB are carr , smith and smith …. and copernicus ) lol !
    c’mon deyorkian … take a chance every now and then !!!
    am i missing something here ???

  4. robNo Gravatar says:

    this a really like …
    ” Crabtree arrives in the Bay Area for 49ers workouts
    Michael Crabtree is in the Bay Area, and he plans to start working out with quarterback Alex Smith and a small but growing group of 49ers, according to a source close to Crabtree. The receiver had been working out in his hometown, Dallas, until recently.

    A number of 49ers who live in the South Bay have been training together since February. Since the draft, those sessions have included pass routes and plays from coach Jim Harbaugh’s playbook, which has been circulating among the players. Rookie quarterback Colin Kaepernick, for example, did not get a playbook on draft day but said last week he had been given a copy by a teammate. It’s a safe assumption that Crabtree also has or will get a copy ”

    you guys see this ???!!!

    crabtree , our #1 WR. of the future is in EARLY !!! so for the FIRST time he should get a full training camp under his belt before the season opens !!!
    he is working with SMITH , copernicus and harbaugh , on our playbook !!!
    what more could you ask of smith and crabs ???

  5. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    rob- I don’t have a problem with VY’s talent, but I do question the leadership of a guy that bails on his team and had to be talked out of suicide. I’d say OK if he were a pass rusher or a RB, but as a QB, no.

  6. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    Rob, even here in the land of VD and Crabs, Alexitis is the more dreadful affliction. It certainly seems difficult to get rid of. 😉
    Over on the Comical Incisor, Catmandu posted:
    It’s a sound argument that if Alex Smith’s quarterback rating has been about 82 the past two years in Mike Singletary’s inept offense, it could easily climb to 100 in Jim Harbaugh’s offense.
    That’s some bad shit he’s smoking. I could see Alex improving marginally, but a 100 QBR? I’d put my money on the Rapture or the Mayan Apocalypse first.

  7. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Four, count them one, two, three, FOUR quarterbacks had a QBR above 100 last season. My QB, Tom Brady (111), Rivers (101.8), Rodgers (101.2) and the Puppy Killer at 100.2.
    This idiot has the audacity to call it a “sound argument” to think A*** S****’s QBR could easily climb under Jim Harbaugh’s offense and join the ranks of those Pro Bowl, MVP and Super Bowl winning MVP quarterbacks in that rarefied stratosphere?
    I’m not even going to dignify that with a joke. It would be an insult to those other worthy quarterbacks. Minus the motherless son of a f**k puppy killer, but of course.

  8. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    If we’re forced to soldier on with Alex and he posts an 85, I’d consider it a job damned well done by Harbaugh. A QBR of 90 and I’d worship at his feet.

    100? That’s up there with the miracle of the loaves and fishes. Even Jesus is gonna have to see that one before he believes.

  9. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Your Vick guy makes it interesting. Six years with the Falcons, never higher than a 81 QBR (mostly in the low to mid 70’s), about a 50% completion rate. Then he gets with Andy Reid and goes to 93.8 QBR and then the 100.2, with 62% completion rate. Coaching makes a difference, it would seem.

  10. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    As much as I hate to give the Puppy Killer credit for anything, he does possess one quality that is lacking in A*** S**** — talent.

  11. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    All I can say is if Alex does come back this is going to be good. The blogs will be running out of space if he does bad, and won’t be touched if he does good.

  12. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Going to be good for who? For what? Not the 49ers. That’s for goddamn sure. He overthrows 5 yd screen passes. He has the uncanny knack of getting 3 or 4 balls knocked down at the LOS every game. He has no leadership skills. No command of the huddle. What’s worse is that he has no heart. Vernon Davis was the one who had to convince him to stand up and tell Singletary he should remain in the game last year vs Philadelphia. His favorite play is to roll right and throw the ball outta bounds. He does nothing well. He makes no plays. In short, he sucks. Period. End of sentence.

  13. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    And you are, have been and will be even more on record. So I guess you are saying Singletary was a good coach for a QB?
    I think he’ll do well. I can’t be sure with the coaching quality and carousel he has had. I sit on the fence but lean toward the opinion that he’ll do well with Harbaugh. Finally, he’ll have a real offensive head coach that understands strategy, which makes things a lot easier for any QB. I thought Nolan was trerrible, then I asked for Singletary and got him. Man was that ever a mistake. The one thing that worries me about Alex is he put up with those two idiots.

  14. Philippine FanNo Gravatar says:

    It’s hard corresponding from foreign parts with no reliable access to NFL news, with sadly just you guys for input. But that’s nothing compared to the whack job internet company we got out here: ever hear of the Lasorda International Internet Company? No? Hahaha. Damn right you haven’t cause all they ever can do is take a big ol’ dump consistently. It’s the sh*ts I tell ya. So while wife and boy were shopping for school supplies (summer is almost over, don’t ask) down in the big city (population 4,012) I spent several hours and one thousand pesos (about 15 cents) hanging around SMART Bro Broadband Wireless Internet Company and Laundry Service begging them to take my lousy money as well as the half a day I crapped away to Please, please hook me up to the f’ing web already. I want my moneys worth damn it…Guy’s supposed to come out tomorrow and see if he can hang a wire from the nearest coconut tree without shorting out the whole damn islands power supply. Laughably I’m hoping this will actually work but then I have this odd affliction of believing the impossible really will work out someday, 49er fan that I am. Hey lightning could strike twice ya know.

    You think this post has no football content and you wasted your precious time reading pure crap? Yes you have dude, deal with it. Think you got problems man? Try dealing with the Lasorda International Dump Service for the last 2 years, wimp… Ah but SMART will save me just like Harbaugh, Jed and Trent will save our beloved 9ers. Actually JH, JY and TB have a hell of a lot better chance. Believe it.

  15. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Phil- That is good news because I thought I was the Lasorda International Dump Service!

  16. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    I have a new post ready to put up, but PF’s comment is too good to bury, so I’m going to leave this post up until the late arrivals have had a chance to start their day with a laugh. Something my post will probably not provide.

  17. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Phil- You should prink your palm tree and use it for worship. Just remember to get out of the way when the dogs need to pee!

  18. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of Lasorda, the Dodgers gave up 3 runs in the bottom of the 9th last night to lose 4-3. Just wonderful news to wake up to!

  19. Philippine FanNo Gravatar says:

    Hey guys; well he hasn’t blown the power supply yet so there is actually hope somebody somewhere will get off their ass and just once DO THEIR F’ING JOB for a change. Could there possibly be a parallel with the 49ers here? Maybe receivers will RECEIVE THE F’ing BALL!!! MAYBE LINEMEN WILL BLOCK?? Could the 1849ers play professional football? again? Please?

    Yeah Skeebs we gotta laugh cause some of this crap is waaaay too serious. So my next silly post is gonna ponder how my overseas B of A bank account (now available) is gonna allow me to get a matching D’moron Smith vooodoo doll to go with the Al Davis one I already got online.

    Unless moron in the coconut tree blows it again! Jeezz, rapture would be better….

  20. Philippine FanNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Bergs, good news on the LAdodgersmorons losing out late in the game love it!! How can you not hate Los Angeles seriously/

    It’s too remote to track from here (with one eye on the moron in coconut) but damn that’s good news.

    Failure in LA = music to my ears!

    Late, PF

  21. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Phil- Somewhere I heard you need to put a lime in the coconut? Nielson Shmielson, or something like that.

  22. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    I have Clayton Kershaw on all three of my fantasy teams. That POS reliever cost him, and me the W. Talk about having Tommy Lasorda fall right on your head. Might as well just call me Kohler. Don’t forget to flush. Whooosh!

  23. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking about Lasorda, do any of you want Clements back at a reduced price? I’ve seen enough of that turd at full price. No reason to believe that piece of crap will play any better at a cheaper cost. That Lasorda is so big I might need to call the Roto-Rooter man after I flush Clements down the toilet.

  24. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    New post is up.

  25. Philippine FanNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah we been doing a little lime in the coconut around here. Was that really Harry Nielsen? I’ve forgotten.

    I’ll take Clements cheap but we need serious help with our DBs. Gonna be interesting to see how our defense plays this year same as the freakin’ offense. Could we actually be any good??

2021 Schedules
09/12: W 49ers 41, Lions 33
09/19: W 49ers 17, Eagles 11
09/26: L Packers 30, 49ers 28
10/03: L Seahawks 28, 49ers 21
10/10: L Cardinals 17, 49ers 10
10/17 BYE
10/24: L Colts 30, 49ers 18
10/31: W 49ers 33, Bears 22
11/07: L Cardinals 31, 49ers 17
11/15: W 49ers 31, Rams 10L
11/21: W 49ers 30, Jaguars 10
11/28: W 49ers 34, Vikings 26
12/05: L Seahawks 30, 49ers 23 12/12 · 10:00 AMCIN
12/19 · 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 · 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 · 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 · 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
2021 Prognostications
Bullit: 12-5
Grumpy: 13-4
NJ49er: 11-6
Skeebers: 14-3
Winder: 12-5
Rob: 17-0
Spitblood: 0-17