Balloons and Beasts

Last call for the Cloud Nine Balloon Ride! Next week’s availability is TBD. It’s Friday and the 49ers are still great. They’re wonderful. We’re happy. They’re happy. It’s a wonderful world.

Later today, the team will get on a plane and head for Detroit for the Great Balloon Popping game. Will that deflated whizz out belong to them — or us?

The Haven’t Ever Been Any Good upstarts versus the Haven’t Been Good In a Real Long Time upstarts. Whatever happens in this game stands a good chance of being repeated again in January during the Wild Card playoff round. Get your notebooks ready, blogoscoutmasters. Sharpen those pencils and polish those eyeballs. This is not just another game. This is a mega-GPS game.

Detroit has two supersonic androids on their team, Ndamukong Suh and the more traditionally monikered Calvin Johnson. These guys aren’t just androids, either. They’re T-888 HUD Cyborgs. Can our I-950 Hybrid human based androids hope to defeat these fellows? They do in Hollywood, but this is Motown. Scary hasta la vistas, baby.

The 49er O-line has played six straight quarters of non-suck football. Are we going to see this streak of eptitude continue against the awesomely fierce D-line of the Lions? Or will we see our boys flying backward and tossed aside like rag dolls? The Alex Smith Novena will be conducted Saturday from noon to nine. Bring your knees and fervant prayers, fans.

The 49er defense will be going up against Scott Linehan, the OC who wanted no part of Mike Singletary. Scott rejected Singletary and instead chose the then woeful Lions as his career path. Such astuteness should not be underestimated. He’s got a QB ranked just below our QB, so the guy is no slouch. Especially with the skyscraper talents of Johnson at his beck and call.

If I’m Vic Fangio, I’m having my defensive backs practice the ancient art of slugging a guy in the nuts as he ascends for the highly thrown spheroid, making sure to mimic the act of attempting to also catch the sphere. Another defensive back should be stationed on the ground with his cleats in the air to catch the descending receiver in the same area violated on the upward ascent. Good acting is a must here. This might seem like a tacky approach to winning, but it’s no fair that one player like Johnson can have talents so vastly superior to the mere mortals who must cover him. Even the playing field. A time honored western strategy stretching back to the days of Butch Cassidy.

For the third time in the past four weeks, the Niners will be playing a 10am eastern time zone game. They’ve won the other two. Can they make it three? It seems a bit much to ask for, and this is a season that nobody asked for much and we’re getting a lot in return. So, we will not ask for this game. It will be a defeat. A learning experience. A bump in the road. Blah blah blah. Beat these androids! Beat ’em bad! Down with the machines! Go Niners!!!

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46 comments on “Balloons and Beasts
  1. barleyfreakNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t believe Rob Ryan said that Calvin Johnson would only be the 3rd best receiver if he were on the Cowboys just prior to the Lions visiting Dallas. What an idiot. He got his just dessert.
    I don’t think you can stop that dude other than by, as someone on another blog astutely pointed out, putting Stafford on his back. That is going to be the key. They HAVE to get in his face, hurry him, hit him, sack him.

  2. winderNo Gravatar says:

    The Niners have been very physical to the opposition this season. Detroit has to know this and I am sure they are not looking forward to playing us no matter what anyone says. Our guys are hitting hard and this is the game where we have to dig deep and hit em a little harder. Barring injuries I think we do get to Stafford and disrupt their game plan.

  3. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    So let’s see, we go up against “A Boy Named Suh” and the real “Flying Johnson” this week. I would probably change the one name to “A Man Named Suh” and the other to “The QB must go down, and he must go down haad”.

  4. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Through cosmogony we understand, or think we understand, the origin and development of the universe. Megatron is what has developed.

  5. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    I remember calling my friend from NY and Del a few years back when Georgia Tech was on TV to tell them to watch this receiver named Calvin Johnson. My friend from NY couldn’t remember his name from week to week and kept calling him Calvin Murphy. He doesn’t get the name wrong anymore.

  6. unca chuckNo Gravatar says:

    Detroit’s going to see nickel all day, and a 4-3 defense as well. Aldon Smith needs a big game. He’s going to be in a lot. I ain’t worried about Best and their run game. It’s all going to come down to pressuring Stafford.
    Was watching NFL Live last night, and our defense is getting a lot of love. As in hard-hitting tough relentless. No finesse tag for these guys. Harbaugh’s getting his due as well, early on anyway. I must say, Goldson’s hit on the TB RB last week WAS pretty nice.
    +10 in turnovers. Got to keep THAT train rolling. I’m weirdly confident about this game. I was last week as well, so let’s hope I’m 2 fer 2.

  7. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    I’m thinking we should shadow Johnson with Culliver, like you box and one a star basketball player.

  8. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Chuck’s never went 2 fer 2 in his life. We’re doomed.

  9. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    I’m thinking we should put ipecac in Calvin’s breakfast eggs.
    He’ll be too busy puking and shitting to catch any touchdowns.

  10. unca chuckNo Gravatar says:

    Culliver has the size at CB. He should be jamming CJ every play. With help over the top, they should be able to at least lessen his impact.

  11. robNo Gravatar says:

    guys , don’t look now , but our defense is 2nd in the league in points allowed !

    oh and … nbc sports on TV just called alex smith a ” very good QB !”

  12. robNo Gravatar says:

    imo we should put rogers (with as much safety help as we can )on calvin j. ! we also (of course ) need to double suh on EVERY PLAY ! IMO we might want to try some rollouts ,a moving pocket quick slants and bootlegs too !

  13. robNo Gravatar says:

    omg ! almost everybody has our game in their spotlight this week !
    when was the last time that happened !

  14. robNo Gravatar says:

    ok , since some people don’t like preseason predictions (NOFEAR)how about this !



    PACKERS over PATS !

  15. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Rob, NBC doesn’t know its head from its ass. I won’t even go into their liberal slant when it comes to reporting the news, I’ll leave that for Berger. But NBC just cancelled The Playboy Club. They took away my Bunnies. Screw NBC.

  16. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Great test for the O-line tomorrow. If they push the Lions around like they did the Eagles & Bucs, we’ve got a major league team on our hands.

  17. bullitNo Gravatar says:

    The Lions appear to be vulnerable to traps and stretch plays. The Oline needs to maintain their focus and not kill the team with false starts. Niners have proven they can run outside and gash the opposing D.
    On defense they just have to have solid tackling. Calvin Johnson will get his catches, just try to keep him out of the endzone and don’t let anyone else on that team beat you. Lions have had great players, just make them one dimensional.
    Niners win 27-23.

  18. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    The Lions D-line are gonna throw our guys around like a Raggedy Ann doll.

  19. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    We better keep an eye out for Titus Young. The rookie from Boise St. could hurt us in the slot should we focus too much attention on Calvin.

  20. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    I guess everyone went fishing today. I’m still waiting on my FedEx package from Rob. And remember, no bones!

  21. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    I always had some luck with the 3/8 oz chrome/chartreuse Kastmaster lure. It was good for a variety of fish; trout, kokanee, bass (both large and small). I used to go house boating many moons ago up at Shasta Lake. You could troll with those Kastmasters on the end of your Pink Lady and Ford Fender. Some would add a worm to their Kastmaster lure. Not me. I saved those suckers for the bottom of my tequila bottles.

  22. robNo Gravatar says:


    had to get up in about three and a half hours to sell bonsai trees ! couldn’t talk when you called !
    call me today !

  23. robNo Gravatar says:

    how long since we’ve had a big game and been so excited before a football game !

  24. TonyNo Gravatar says:

    Rob, its been toooooooo long…and have a feeling theres many more in the future!

  25. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Hopefully we’ll be doing the Dougie today! Carlos Rgers does the Dougie here after his pick-6.

  26. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    It is a good thing I am the awake and alert Berger. My 49er T-shirt was in the dirty clothes hamper. It is now in the washer and should be clean by game time.

  27. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    49er inactives: Scott Tolzien, Braylon Edwards, Tarell Brown, Moran Norris, Daniel Kilgore, Mike Person, Ian Williams
    Del Mar Dennis inactives: none. I’m playing!

  28. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Let’s hope this holds true for the Lions today!

  29. robNo Gravatar says:

    we can win this !

    up 12-10 !

  30. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    You are correct.

  31. TonyNo Gravatar says:

    Harbaugh asked Shwartz …”Whats your deal man?”

  32. TonyNo Gravatar says:


  33. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Considering how poorly we played, this might be the best win of the year.

  34. bullitNo Gravatar says:

    What a win!!!
    Here the what’s your deal moment after the game

    Jim Schwartz time to come back to earth. You lost.

  35. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    The TV heads are raking Harbaugh over the coals for not keeping his emotions under control. No mention of Schwartz going bonkers and having to be restrained.

  36. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Skeebers calls it the “best” win of the year despite saying we played “poorly.” We must have different dictionaries. My definition says we were LUCKY.
    But you know the old saying…I’d rather be lucky than good.

  37. robNo Gravatar says:

    who’s 5-1 !!!!

    imho we won , but the lions deserve a pat on the back for their performance !

  38. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    When you play poorly, and on the road, and still win, it’s the mark of a good team, Del.

  39. bullitNo Gravatar says:

    The previous link was taken off by the NFL

    Try this one if you want to see the post game festivities

    not sure how long this link will work

  40. bullitNo Gravatar says:

    Overcoming 100 plus yards of penalties, Megatron doesn’t score, Suh only has 2 tackles,
    Vanden Bosch is only mentioned on our first play from scimmage and that’s it and our defense has 5 sacks to the Lion’s 2.

  41. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    No, Skeebers. When you play poorly, and on the road, and still win, it’s an Act of God.
    Expect a flood, earthquake and locusts forthcoming.

  42. unca chuckNo Gravatar says:

    Well, at your house, Dennis.

  43. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    The offense had its problems today… but the defense… absolutely awesome. Outplayed the hyped Lions in their house.
    This might be the best Niner defense since 1994, and with young guys like Bowman, Aldon Smith and Culliver, it might still be two or three years from its peak.

  44. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    What was wrong with the offense? We rushed for over 200 yards. Seemed pretty good to me.

  45. NJ49erNo Gravatar says:

    As a guy who supported Anthony Davis from the start, I’m extremely happy to see how he took it to Suh today. Our Offense has now exposed the recipe to take out the Lions.
    Anthony Davis….NJ Attitude Baby!
    49ers have peoples’ attention now.
    Great Road Win despite a 100 miles in penalty yardage.

  46. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    New post is up.

2020 Schedule
9-13: L Cardinals 24, 49ers 20
9-20: W 49ers 31, Jets 13
9-27: W 49ers 36, Giants 9

10-4: L Eagles 25, 49ers 20
10-11: L Dolphins 43, 49ers 17
10-18: W 49ers 24, Rams 16
10-25: W 49ers 33, Patriots 6

11-1: L Seahawks 37, 49ers 27
11-5: L Packers 34, 49ers 17
11-15: L Saints 27, 49ers 13


11-29: W 49ers 23, Rams 20

12-7: L Bills 34, 49ers 24
12-13: L Washington 23, 49ers 15
12-20: L Cowboys 41, 49ers 33
12-26: W 49ers 20, Cardinals 12

1-3: L Seahawks 26, 49ers 23

2020 Draft Class
1. DT Javon Kinlaw, South Carolina
1. WR Brandon Aiyuk, Arizona State
5. OL Colton McKivitz, West Virginia
6. TE Charlie Woerner, Georgia
7. WR Jauan Jennings, Tennessee
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

Grumpy: DNP