Today, Alex Smith was Alex Smith. He was Alex Smith yesterday also. Some people believe he will be Alex Smith tomorrow, as well.
Alex Smith seems to have the business of being Alex Smith down to a science. It appears to be a sort of ordinary science, but many people seem fascinated by it. In fact, you could probably say people just can’t get their brains away from thinking about it. You can bring up just about any topic in the universe, and these people will find some way to relate it to Alex Smith.
It’s a strange phenomenon, this Alex Smith business. You would think that Alex Smith would be making a fortune out of all this rabid interest in his Alex Smithness. And, in fact, he is. Alex Smith has managed to transfer somewhere in the vicinity of $60 or $70,000,000 dollars from the York’s bank account into his. No wonder everyone is so enthralled with him! This guy is a raving genius! Everyone wishes they could be as smart as Alex Smith.
Like anyone who is rich and famous, Alex Smith has his detractors. A couple of fellows who were miserable failures have even blamed Alex Smith for causing them to fail. I won’t mention Mike Nolan and Mike Singletary by name, since this column is not interested in prurient tabloid sensationalism. We’ll just let these two unnamed failures remain anonymous. Besides, everyone knows who they are anyway!
Yesterday, my wife Skeebette gazed at me as I was looking around frantically in my wallet for any sign of some money, and said, “I like you, Skeebs, but I wish you could be more like Alex Smith.”
“Don’t we all,” I replied ruefully.
Just to check it out, being journalistically diligent, I asked my neighbor if he wished he could be Alex Smith. The neighbor replied, “Are you kidding? He’s the most famous, wealthiest athlete in the whole state of California. Who wouldn’t want to be like him!”
How could a mild mannered guy, from Utah no less, manage to move to the Bay Area and amass such a fortune with practically no extraordinary talents whatsoever?! It is truly amazing.
When it comes to 49er football, Alex Smith is all anyone wants to talk about. The team has a Pro Bowl linebacker, a Pro Bowl tight end, a Pro Bowl defensive tackle, a Pro Bowl punter, and a brilliant new coach fresh from astounding success at Stanford, yet fans still only want to talk about Alex Smith. Nobody else. Just Smith. Everything on the team, even the defense, is still all about Alex Smith.
I don’t get it. Maybe I’m suffering from envy or something, but what’s the fascination?! It’s creepy, if you ask me. The team plays the Raiders this week, so I went over to a Raider blog and they are talking about Alex Smith over there, too. Is there no place in California that has been declared an Alex Smith Free Zone? They got every type of Free Zone in the world in California. There must be one for Alex Smith, too.
I’d make this site an Alex Smith Free Zone, but the bloggers won’t let me. Even if I don’t mention him at all, sure enough, somebody else does. People will probably still be bringing up Alex Smith even after he’s retired and moved back to Utah and hasn’t left his house in twenty years! This is one hellava celebrity, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, I’m going to the game this weekend. From what I hear, actual games are about as close as it gets to being an Alex Smith Free Zone. This I gotta see. Or not see, as the case may be.