Ready, Set, Splat!

We wait seven months and 14 days to see the San Francisco 49ers again trot out onto the field and Michael Robinson promptly fumbles on the very first play. I was laughing for ten minutes after that pratfall.

Then the defense denies the end zone to the Colts and I asked myself, “Didn’t we already see this game? Last year?”

Sure enough, the Niners then went 3 and out, featuring a Jimmy Raye head scratcher, and my suspicions were confirmed. It was third and one. Didn’t we spend two number one picks on guys who were going to help us get over the third and one hump? Here’s a perfect time to test it out. Let’s run right behind Mike Iupati. Give ’em the old In Your Face!

But, no. A pass play, a sack. Sigh.

Apparently we are saving the third and one smash play for the regular season, not wanting to expose it to the league for scrutiny. Very clever.

Continuing last year’s trend, the offense stumbles around while the defense dutifully keeps us in the game until Boom! and my off season watch-this-guy favorite, Reggie Smith, wakes up the team with a 91 yard interception return. Did Mark Roman ever do such a thing? Oh, no, Nanette.

It was all Niners after that adrenalin shot. Of course, Peyton Manning had left the building. Once he did that, we saw how pathetic the Colts are without him hopping around directing traffic. I did spend a moment to offer silent condolences to our faithful reader, DelMarDennis, who watched his serial killer QB heart throb, Mr. Curtis Painter, look like a guy who’s going to be playing way, way backup for the rest of his rookie contract.

In addition to Reggie (isn’t it great to have a Reggie on our team?), we got to see some fine performances by Anthony Dixon and Kyle Williams. Dixon looked a whole lot like a bigger Frank Gore out there. I’m sure he will be getting a crash course in blocking from Rathman in the next four weeks.

I’m getting a feeling that other than Iupati and Anthony Davis and David Baas, our starters are not going to play much during the exhibition games. The third game is usually earmarked for one full half of starters play, but that probably will be the only extended session. I guess that is a good sign, that your team is set and there aren’t a lot of last minute job interviews going on for the various starting positions.

It was only an exhibition game, and the first one at that, but thirty-four points is a lot more than we are used to seeing these past few years. Even in exhibition games. Iupati seemed pretty solid at LG, but A. Davis is definitely a work in progress at this point. Let’s hope his progress is speedy, or we’ll be seeing a lot of Chuck and Duck again this year.

I have to admit I did not get to watch the fourth quarter, which kind of ticked me off. My brother-in-law, proving he is no fan of football, picked yesterday to get elevated to a fairly prestigious job position, which I am not at liberty to discuss. My attendance was required for the occasion. I even had to wear a suit, which happens to me about once or twice a decade. I admit all I could think of during the ceremonies was whether he would have enough pull now to finagle me a press pass from the Niners. Then I could be the Insider Outsider. Superb!



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18 comments on “Ready, Set, Splat!
  1. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    You had to wear a suit to your brother-in-law’s job promotion party? Damn, things must really be picking up at Burger King. Now that he’s asst. mgr. and must wear a tie, I hope you’re no cheapskate and bought bro a real one. Those clip-ons are real cheesy. 🙂
     
    A.D. is my new hero. Dude was kicking ass and taking names. Bam! Boom! Kid was punishing people. Stiff-arm here, stiff-arm there, get outta my damn way. That quote about him knowing that the DBs are gonna be “cake,” was classic. I like that guy. Already excited about seeing him next week vs the Vikings.
     
    As for Curtis “Paul” Painter. I’m gonna give his poor performance a pass. It was Sunday. Curtis never gets to play on Sundays as we all know that Peyton never gets hurt. I hear that Curtis does his best work on Wednesdays. Just wait till then.

  2. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    What about Ricky Jean? Great job! Who didn’t love Anthony Dixon. He just moved ahead of Anthony Davis for the A.D. moniker.

  3. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    You’re right, Berg. An oversight. It’s a funny game. All off season we’re hoping Balmer breaks through to improve the D-line, and instead it’s Francois who does what we drafted Balmer to do.

  4. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Skeebs- Good comment. That brightened my morning.

  5. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Balmer just got traded to Seattle. McCloughan still believes in this guy, it looks like.

  6. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, Berg, now Balmer gets to be a backup to your guy Red Bryant. I suppose if Seattle thinks Balmer will help them, they must be hurting on the D-line – bad.

  7. robNo Gravatar says:

    holy shit skeebs !
    talk about ‘good comments’ ! like berger said , there’s almost something mystical about scott ending up back on the team that drafted red bryant ! talk about karmic returns !!! now all that has to happen is for baalke to abruptly leave the niners like scott m , glen coffee and kentwan balmer before him , and wind up on the team that drafted cam thomas and terrance cody this year !
    (that would be the ravens for all you philistines)

  8. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    If the Niners are Ravens west, then Seattle is becoming 49ers north.

  9. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Red Bryant hasn’t been healthy for a season. Could be time to forget about him. Balmer is likely just insurance for Bryant.

  10. unca_chuckNo Gravatar says:

    The thing tht kills me about the 3rd and 1 passing game is the fact they DON’T run quick hitters. a 3 step quick out to a WR. Or a (GASP) slant. They run these slow-developing 8 yard outs, or screens that Smith sill can’t seem to find the touch on.

    The way to negate a strong pass ruxh IS to get the ball out in a hurry. Montana was saying the other day that Rice extended his career by 5 years because Montana was able to get him the ball quickly and not absorb as many hits. Jimmy Raye cannot seem to grasp this concept.

  11. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    I hear it’s for a 6th rd. pk. I’ll take it. Beats a kick in the head. Better have ST coach Schottenheimer burn the candle at both ends. Seattle has a new weapon on their KR team.
     
    Somebody tackle Balmer!

    Philistines? What was their final score with the Israelites? If my bible book learning is right, there were 13 battles. Jude Del Mar scored it 10 rounds to 2 with 1 round even in favor of the Israelites. If ya got a problem with that, go take it up with Don King. He’s the one who paid me for this gig.

  12. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    Shit, I should have capitalized “Bible.” I’m gonna get hit with the ruler again.

  13. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Dennis- In CA your ruler is the Terminator. He hits hard, run!

  14. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    Just want to give a thumbs up to Baas for his performance yesterday. I was hearing a lot of bad things about snaps going awry in practice. Everything was fine and dandy vs the Colts. Can’t be having ANY trouble with the center-quarterback exchange.

  15. robNo Gravatar says:

    chuck , what kills me about our whole offense is we don’t run quick hitters !
    the worst thing in football play-calling imo is when you show the enemy what you’re doing and give him time to react !

  16. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Niners just signed Brian Westbrook. Very interesting.

  17. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    Very interesting? It’s great goddamn news! Gore, Westbrook and now Dixon. Now, BW could have a brain hemorrhage at any moment, but he’ll do it a Niner. I SCREAMED for us to get Westbrook as soon as Coffee saw the light. I likey.

  18. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    A Pro-Set type RB.

2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs Carolina: L 3-23
Sept. 17: at Seattle: 9-12
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams: L 39-41
Oct. 1: at Arizona: L 15-18
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis: L 23-26
Oct. 15: at Washington: L 24-26
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas: L 10-40
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia: L 10-33
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona: L 10-20
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants: W 31-21
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2017 Prognostications
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 9-7
Grumpy: 4-12
Mr Fletch: 5-11
NJ49er: 6-10
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 5-11
Skeebers: 6-10
Winder: 4-12

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