The Blaine Gabbert Era turned a jubilant corner last week against the Bears, only to run smack into a brick wall this week in Cleveland. The two win Browns completely dominated the game, out gaining the 49ers 481-221 yards, with a 15 minute time of possession edge — the same edge as last week against the Bears, without the fluke victory attached to it.
Gabbert was sacked nine times, after being sacked only eight times in his previous four games. The Browns running attack — last in the league coming into the game — racked up 230 yards. There are more grisly statistics available, for the train wreck devotees, at www.whatabuttkicking.com.
The Browns had former 49er safety Donte Whitner play up in the box to cut off Gabbert’s primary weapons, the dump off pass to RB Shane Draughn and the QB eight yard scramble for a first down. Once these weapons were neutralized, Gabbert had very little left in his arsenal.
The entire York family showed up for the game, from daddy and mommy all the way down through Jed York and various younger entities. No doubt they were expecting to see an easy victory. Needless to say, these coin counters received vivid, red faced evidence of their criminally negligent stewardship instead.
Excuse me for a moment. [Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!]
Whew! Okay. Let’s see. Yorks, right. [Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!]
Let’s move on to HC Jim Tomsula instead. [Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!]
The players. Let’s try them. WR Anquan Boldin refused to discuss the O-line play for fear he would be throwing someone under the bus. Vroom, Vroom! LT Joe Staley wondered how a 4-8 team could have the audacity to be over-confident. Center Dan Kilgore called remarks like that “just stupid.” ILB Navorro Bowman was caught with a private thought bubble over his head as he stared into his locker, wishing he’d retired along with fellow ILB Patrick Willis.
Fans clutching any hopes for “an improbable playoff run” can now release their woeful grip on delusion. Sunday’s loss eliminated the Niners from the playoffs. And guaranteed a losing season. And moved the Niners back into sole possession of last place in the NFC West. Maybe next year. [Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!]
Meanwhile, GM Trent Baalke remained unfazed by the day’s events, as he moved yet another Safety up to the top of his 2016 draft board.
Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2015 San Francisco 49ers. Seriously?!