The Houston Texans, to our knowledge, are not appreciably different than any other Texans living in the state that, by position and shape, looks like a giant, loose turd squeezing forth from the butt of America. Perhaps they feel that people living outside of this toxic zone don’t realize where Houston is, mapologically speaking.
At any rate, it’s kind of a dumb team name. Along the lines of the New York New Jerseys or Philadelphia Pennsylvanians or St. Louis Missourians. Pretty stupid. But what can you expect from denizens who are proud to live inside a bowel movement.
Speaking of the brown stuff, Houston’s QB Matt Schaub is in deep, deep doo-doo with his fan base, his teammates, management, restaurant owners, and probably even his mother. Schaub is one of those guys who play smaller the longer a game goes. If it’s the first quarter, he’s great. If it’s the fourth quarter, get ready to cringe every time he drops back to pass.
Of course, now that I’ve dismissed him as a prime time player, Schaub will probably have a career game against the Niners, leading the Houstonians to an all out rout. It’ll be the only game all year that he plays like a top notch QB. Seattle gets the real Schaub who hands them a game right on cue and we get the out-of-my-mind Schaub who heaves six TD passes and gets to sit out the 4th quarter and not be able to implode.
Needless to say, if the Niners lose at home to a team that Seattle beat on the road, it’s time to throw in the towel on the 2013 season.
On paper, the Texans are an elite team. Great running game, great passing game, very good defense. They just don’t seem to ever play like an elite team, their whole never quite measuring up to its parts. They will be fired up this week, after last Sunday’s embarrassing loss. Kind of like the 49ers were fired up against the Rams last weekend. But a couple of quick TDs should put that fire out in a hurry.
Two more quarterbacks who run around with the ball were knocked out of games Thursday night, joining Terrelle Pryor who was conked last week, and the more famous case of Robert Griffin from last year. It’s only a matter of time before Russell Wilson gets knocked into the ozone on one of his mad run-all-over-hell scrambles. When he goes down, so do the Seahawks. It might not happen this week, or next, or even this season. But it will happen.
This week would certainly be fine, though. Go Colts!