Last call for the Cloud Nine Balloon Ride! Next week’s availability is TBD. It’s Friday and the 49ers are still great. They’re wonderful. We’re happy. They’re happy. It’s a wonderful world.
Later today, the team will get on a plane and head for Detroit for the Great Balloon Popping game. Will that deflated whizz out belong to them — or us?
The Haven’t Ever Been Any Good upstarts versus the Haven’t Been Good In a Real Long Time upstarts. Whatever happens in this game stands a good chance of being repeated again in January during the Wild Card playoff round. Get your notebooks ready, blogoscoutmasters. Sharpen those pencils and polish those eyeballs. This is not just another game. This is a mega-GPS game.
Detroit has two supersonic androids on their team, Ndamukong Suh and the more traditionally monikered Calvin Johnson. These guys aren’t just androids, either. They’re T-888 HUD Cyborgs. Can our I-950 Hybrid human based androids hope to defeat these fellows? They do in Hollywood, but this is Motown. Scary hasta la vistas, baby.
The 49er O-line has played six straight quarters of non-suck football. Are we going to see this streak of eptitude continue against the awesomely fierce D-line of the Lions? Or will we see our boys flying backward and tossed aside like rag dolls? The Alex Smith Novena will be conducted Saturday from noon to nine. Bring your knees and fervant prayers, fans.
The 49er defense will be going up against Scott Linehan, the OC who wanted no part of Mike Singletary. Scott rejected Singletary and instead chose the then woeful Lions as his career path. Such astuteness should not be underestimated. He’s got a QB ranked just below our QB, so the guy is no slouch. Especially with the skyscraper talents of Johnson at his beck and call.
If I’m Vic Fangio, I’m having my defensive backs practice the ancient art of slugging a guy in the nuts as he ascends for the highly thrown spheroid, making sure to mimic the act of attempting to also catch the sphere. Another defensive back should be stationed on the ground with his cleats in the air to catch the descending receiver in the same area violated on the upward ascent. Good acting is a must here. This might seem like a tacky approach to winning, but it’s no fair that one player like Johnson can have talents so vastly superior to the mere mortals who must cover him. Even the playing field. A time honored western strategy stretching back to the days of Butch Cassidy.
For the third time in the past four weeks, the Niners will be playing a 10am eastern time zone game. They’ve won the other two. Can they make it three? It seems a bit much to ask for, and this is a season that nobody asked for much and we’re getting a lot in return. So, we will not ask for this game. It will be a defeat. A learning experience. A bump in the road. Blah blah blah. Beat these androids! Beat ’em bad! Down with the machines! Go Niners!!!