Tombstone Epitaphs

As is usual this time of year, bloggers like to chime in with their opinions about what will happen if the 49ers have a bad season. Some even like to predict when certain people will be fired and what circumstances must occur to either prevent or cause such terminations.

Why this is interesting to bloggers, let alone something to argue about, is a mystery to me. It’s like wondering what will happen when the earth gets hit by a giant meteorite and where it is most likely to impact. Umm, things would not be good no matter where it ka-boomed. What rarely occurs is any dialogue about who the 49ers are likely to face in the playoffs and what their chances of success might be.

Unca_Chuck has assured us that Jimmy Raye will be fired after six games if the offense does not perform to his satisfaction, and that Mike Singletary will be fired if the 49ers don’t make the playoffs. He further states that both of these pink slips will be handed out by Jed York. The first one to Raye would entail usurping Singletary’s power as the HC, which would probably cause Singletary to resign on the spot. A nuance unmentioned in Chuck’s scenario.

Mr_Zero has assured us that Singletary should never have been hired, all of his coaches are dog meat, the team has not improved one iota since 2007, and nothing but a thorough house cleaning will allow the team to become winners again. This is proved by statistical analysis. Of course, that same analysis led Zero to state defiantly that the Rams and Seahawks would finish ahead of the 49ers last year, effectively placing the team dead last in its division. We all know how that bit of keen insight played out.

Many other bloggers focus on what won/loss record it would take for Singletary to keep his job, as though somehow it was in Nolan-esque jeopardy after a mere 1.5 years on the job. The prevailing concensus seems to be that anything less than 8 wins would cause Singletary to be fired, 8 wins would probably get him fired also, and at least 9 or more wins are necessary for him to keep his employment.

Not a single blogger has brought up the concept of Singletary getting a contract extension should this be a successful, playoff caliber season. Which, according to most pollsters and pundits and predictors, seems the most likely scenario to occur this year. It seems wholly unlikely that Singletary will be fired after this year, short of a complete team meltdown and mutiny. Anybody seriously think that will happen? I doubt it.

Thankfully, most of this speculation and gory preoccupation with disaster will soon cease as the team trots out onto the field for the beginning of Training Camp head knocking on August 2nd. The focus will abruptly narrow to individual players and position battles. The end of the season will evaporate as a blog topic.

Phil Barber, Matt Maiocco’s replacement at the Press Demo blog, will return from his month long sabbatical and wage an unspoken war for readers of his blog versus Maiocco’s gloomy new site at CSN. Where will this blog’s long loyal posters ultimately park their mouths? Which have been relatively silent this off season and unavailable for cheap shots quotable material.

During a recent Maiocco online chat session, one questioner was rude enough to ask why Maiocco’s nose was so red in his blog photo. The two most common causes of Big Red Honker Syndrome are booze and addictive nose picking. It will be interesting to see if the nose gets the gradual airbrush treatment as the days pass.

IOW, in a very short time, life will return to normal and a new season will be at last upon us. Hip hip hooray!

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Posted in Mindless Drivel
7 comments on “Tombstone Epitaphs
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    One thing is for certain, the blog hosters jobs will get much easier on the 28th.

  2. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Is that your way of saying this site’s efforts lately have been less than interesting? Maybe I should have taken a month off like Barber did.

  3. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Funny you should say that!
    Actually, you’ve done a good job. I have only been commenting on this and unca’s site the last few weeks with a couple exceptions on the Gate. I’ve read Lynch’s posts but haven’t kept up with the comments. I can already tell you what is being said without reading them. At some point, Alex Smith is the worst QB in the history of football and has a stupid grin, NoFear is defending Nolan and evaluations for coaches and players are running wild with the commenter’s expert opinions.
    No thanks. I’ll catch up on, or near, the 28th. Without you and unca I probably would’ve had to get my 49er fix on the Gate, this year I was able to escape that!
    Thak you.

  4. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    You didn’t have your one-gap, two-gap dance with Allforfunnplay this year. All gapped out?

  5. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of one-gap, two-gap, how ’bout that Open Championship last week at Royal St. Andrews? Who knew David Letterman was such a good golfer.

  6. unca_chuckNo Gravatar says:

    Well, Skeebs, I still have various problems with how the offense played last year. I was mostly very disappointed in the job Jimmy Raye did. Especailly when Singletary encouraged the players to tell Raye they needed to open things up. That in itself is fine. The part that pisses me off is Raye DIDN’T SEE the obvious schitzophrenic nature of the playcalling, and how there was no flow or continuity in 2/3s of the drives they went on. The Niners led the league BY FAR in 3 and outs. Smith faced too many 3rd and longs, and was subsequently flushed from the pocket. Raye’s game plan for this contingency was to send all the WRs deep. NO ONE came back as a safety valve for him to dump the ball off to. So, he most of the time ran out of bounds. Brilliant. of course, most people blame Smith for this problemm, when in reality, Raye isn’t scheming this out well enough.

  7. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:


2021 Schedules
09/12: W 49ers 41, Lions 33
09/19: W 49ers 17, Eagles 11
09/26: L Packers 30, 49ers 28
10/03: L Seahawks 28, 49ers 21
10/10: L Cardinals 17, 49ers 10
10/17 BYE
10/24: L Colts 30, 49ers 18
10/31: W 49ers 33, Bears 22
11/07: L Cardinals 31, 49ers 17
11/15: W 49ers 31, Rams 10L
11/21: W 49ers 30, Jaguars 10
11/28: W 49ers 34, Vikings 26
12/05: L Seahawks 30, 49ers 23 12/12 · 10:00 AMCIN
12/19 · 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 · 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 · 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 · 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
2021 Prognostications
Bullit: 12-5
Grumpy: 13-4
NJ49er: 11-6
Skeebers: 14-3
Winder: 12-5
Rob: 17-0
Spitblood: 0-17