Straight Jacket Waltz

Over the past few weeks, we have seen the photo to the left ad nauseum. It depicts Roger Goodell and his wonks parading down the boulevard to attend another CBA labor meeting. These characters are all filthy rich and work for other fellows who are obscenely rich (which leads me to wonder if there has ever been a fellow who was cleanly rich?). Yet here they are trying to dupe the world with their no-ties, sleeves-rolled-up re-enactment of Jimmy Carter’s stroll down Pennsylvania Avenue to the White House in January of 1977. No nonsense, no frills working man guys.

Puleeeeeezzze. You silly, overstuffed fools are seriously interrupting the football off season. Get off the effing stage, already! We need to go find a quarterback. Now! Make an announcement that the league can go about its business as usual while you clowns are in a back room figuring out the pie slices. What’s so hard about that?

Sigh. W h a t   a   b u m m e r.

Sometime late this week, probably on Friday, or not till next week, but sometime, these jerks will breathlessly announce an agreement and pose for the cameras. Smiling, shaking hands, let’s-do-lunch, self-congratulatory, aren’t we wonderful poses. Bleccchh!

Unfortunately, we fans need these greed heads. Without them, there would be no NFL. It’s a pact with the devil.

I suppose these guys aren’t completely content with material wealth and like to get a little limelight time once in awhile, too. Just like the rest of us who don’t live in the Yukon with the little large-headed green guys who can’t be photographed. (And, judging by those wimptoid bodies, you’d have to think football hasn’t taken hold out there in deep space, either.) But limelighter love is embedded in all of the rest of us.

The Indians probably had this one pegged, feeling that being photographed stole your soul. It’s a thought worth pondering. A pound of good dope helps, too. Civilization has been ogling itself for a couple hundred years or so and look where it’s gotten us. Going to pieces because there’s a delay in our quarterback search. I wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time, I went to pieces over important things, like not being allowed to stay up past my bedtime or not getting laid enough.

IT CAN’T HAPPEN HERE. DOOT n DOO DOO DOOT DOOT. I’M TELLING YOU MY DEAR, THAT IT CAN’T HAPPEN HERE … IN MINNESOTA.

Ooops. Pardon the flashback. Wow. I’m having a Frank Zappa morning. This is getting serious.

WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE?

Calm down, now. Breathe deep.

MOTHERLY LOVE, COME ON GET IT NOW.

Whoa! Hey, get a grip. Yoga time. That’ll do it. CRACKKK!. Shit, there went that knee cap.

911. Hello, I’m losing it. You got any horse tranquilizers? Click.

[sirens wail in the distance]

HELP, I’M A ROCK. HELP, I’M A ROCK ….



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Posted in Mindless Drivel
13 comments on “Straight Jacket Waltz
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Zoot Allures to you Mr. Skeebs. It sounds like you ate some of the deadly yellow snow crystals. You need to Sheik Yer Booty on over to St Alphonso’s Pancake Breakfast. You’ll need trudge along the tundra, mile after mile, and grow some dental floss in Montana. Watch out for the Hot Rats, they are not Just Another Band From LA and they don’t Sleep Dirt.
    .
    Thast should add to your Frank Zappa morning.

  2. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe you should get a lemonaid for your above fanfaronade? Or maybe one of those white jackets with the sleeves tied to the back? My solution, you need some football news you can use, like who is our QB going to be.

  3. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Not sure if you are trying to help me or send me over the edge, Berg.

  4. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Was not thinking of either. I was a huge Zappa fan at one time. I enjoyed your comment and decided have some fun with it. On the 2nd post I was just trying to use the WOTD. Do you read the WOTD before you write? It usually seems to fit right in.

  5. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Just the opposite, Berger. I go look up the WOTD after you use it. I get to try and decipher its meaning from your context and see how close I come.

  6. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Cool, I like that. But that could be dangerous, I’m not sure I always use it correctly. What is your judgement?

  7. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    You’re doing great. Some of those WOTDs are pretty challenging to work into a football comment section, but you always find a way.

  8. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks. This hoi polloi has a lot of fun with it every morning.

  9. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    The Tree Stooges made a short entitled “Hoi Polloi.” In the film, Curly is asked to spell cat.
     
    “Cat?” (thinks about it a second) “Cat…K-I-T-T-Y, pussy!”

  10. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Unca Chuck, meet Uncle Meat.

    Weirdest fricking Zappa album out there. Well, along with Joe’s Garage. Suzy Creamcheese and all that . . .

    Saw him at the Greek in 83. Great show . . .

    QB? As long as he isn’t named Newton, I think I’ll be OK.

  11. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Unca- Speaking of Joe’s Garage, Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?

  12. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    You’re Probably Wondering Why I’m Here, but I knew Suzy Creamcheese. Very spacey lady. She lives in Sebastopol, last I saw her. Twenty years ago.

  13. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Well, there were 3 or 4 Suzys, so it could be true . . .

2021 Schedule
09/12 - 10:00 AM @ DET
09/19 · 10:00 AM @ PHI
09/26 · 5:20 PM v GB
10/03 · 1:05 PM v SEA
10/10 · 1:25 PM @ AZ
10/17 BYE
10/24 · 5:20 PM v IND
10/31 · 10:00 AM @ CHI
11/07 · 1:25 PM v AZ
11/15 · 5:15 PM v LAR
11/21 · 10:00 AM @ JAX
11/28 · 1:25 PM v MIN
12/05 · 5:20 PM @ SEA
12/12 · 10:00 AM @ CIN
12/19 · 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 · 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 · 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 · 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
 
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
WINNERS:
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

LOSERS:
Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

ABSTAINERS:
Grumpy: DNP
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