Step Out of the Car, Sir

One of the ramifications of the lockout is the cessation of drug testing or team monitoring. Guys are pretty much free to get ripped at will these days. Some will use this down time to go on a steroid bulk up. And some will just get loaded and party.

I spent most of my twenties getting loaded and partying, so I can’t point much of a righteous finger at this sort of behavior. Of course, I wasn’t making hundreds of thousands of dollars for keeping my body in tip top, purring condition. No, my body was something that followed me around and fell down stairs or tripped over chairs or necessitated late night purges over the porcelain bus. My body was in the way of my excellent mind adventures.

It seems to be a daily feature of ProFootballTalk reporting the latest player busted for one thing or the other, accompanied by the obligatory mug shot. Guys free from League supervision who drive around wasted, with no driver’s license, or a suspended one, while smartly carrying loads of illegal stuff in their cars, while they go on shopping sprees and then stiff the store on the bill, and then show up at parties as a mega-star dude that is one nasty word away from hauling out his guns and blasting away, and then telling the cops to shove off from his royal vicinity, leading to a night in the slammer.

Does anybody in the NFL have a valid driver’s license? I mean, these scraps of paper are pretty cheap and easy to get. Heck, ordinary Joe Blows have them. But day after day, some well heeled player is caught without one. Do they think being in the NFL is the same as having Diplomatic Immunity?

It’s an age old formula: Bozo + Bucks = Busted. You could toss in Babes, too, because they are always around. Usually lots of them.

If the lockout continues through the summer, some teams are going to have a whole wing in the locker room lining up to pee for the piper on penalty of suspension. One gong away from unemployment. Is the non-NFLPA concerned about the welfare of its brain dead citizens. Probably not.

The 49ers have made it a point to bring in players with “character” the past few years. That should treat them well during these days of free will temptation. The team’s players rarely ever show up on a police report. The same does not hold true for, oh say, the Cincinnati Bengals or the Minnesota Vikings. These organizations have to be sweating bullets during the lockout.

I’m sweating “words” myself. They don’t seem to be very willing and able these days. It’s like rounding up truculent witnesses at the scene of a crime. Here, Mr. Word. Come sit on my empty screen. Bring along your friends and get chummy together. Make group whoopie. Hey, have some drugs. Want to see my bazooka room? No license required. . . . .

Tagged with:
Posted in Around the League
3 comments on “Step Out of the Car, Sir
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    The NFL players like to bedaub themselves with some thick partying while bedaubing themselves with bling.

  2. FranchiseNo Gravatar says:

    Not as good as Dalton becoming the next Niner. 


    Now PKing is burping on the Andy purple-aid. He must have been lurking on Skeebers blog reading my scouting reports. 😀 


2020 Schedule
9-13: L Cardinals 24, 49ers 20
9-20: W 49ers 31, Jets 13
9-27: W 49ers 36, Giants 9

10-4: L Eagles 25, 49ers 20
10-11: L Dolphins 43, 49ers 17
10-18: W 49ers 24, Rams 16
10-25: W 49ers 33, Patriots 6

11-1: L Seahawks 37, 49ers 27
11-5: L Packers 34, 49ers 17
11-15: L Saints 27, 49ers 13


11-29: W 49ers 23, Rams 20

12-7: L Bills 34, 49ers 24
12-13: L Washington 23, 49ers 15
12-20: L Cowboys 41, 49ers 33
12-26: W 49ers 20, Cardinals 12

1-3: L Seahawks 26, 49ers 23

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

Grumpy: DNP