The 49ers’ Training Camp 2011 ended Thursday, and the players broke camp by checking out of their hotel rooms, I guess, because they don’t go anywhere for camp any more. With the new CBA banning two-a-days, you can’t call these TC affairs grueling any more, either. Hard, maybe, but not the Rocklin in 100 degrees wish you were dead sense.
Science and drugs have allowed players to hone their muscles into gladiator specimens, but there’s nothing you can do to supersize the joints that are getting super-stressed by all these Superman bodies, and those hinges are snapping, popping, and tearing at a fairly alarming rate all over the league. You see a guy limp off the field nowadays and you don’t think “just a little sprain” — you think “probably tore his ACL.”
Judging by Jim Harbaugh’s post-camp comments Thursday, it appears Ahmad Brooks has won Manny Lawson’s old spot at strongside OLB. Over on the appropriately named weak side, Parys Haralson is fighting what we hope will be a losing battle to fend off Aldon Smith, our number one draft pick this year. Not only do we hope Parys loses this battle, but that he does so by the start of the regular season in three weeks.
Harbaugh characterized the progress so far in camp as “50 steps in a 1,000 step” program. Not only would you not cure many alcoholics with this sort of lengthy agenda, but at that pace it will take 20 years to complete the deal. I am sending an email to Harbaugh politely reminding him that his contract is only five years long and he won’t get to the fifth year without kicking some serious butt before then.
Further news in the butt department, Chilo Rachal got some tap-taps on the old heiny by Harbaugh, also. Whether this was merely to encourage him to keep working hard even though he loses his job to Adam Snyder or an indication that he will keep his job is yet to be revealed. Alex Boone has managed to keep Barry Sims retired this year, so this is a heart warming UDFA beer guzzling bad kid makes good story that is sure to find some ink in some sappy article or interview somewhere — oops, it just did. I’ll send this paragraph to Lowell Cohn and let him properly torture it.
CB Tramaine Brock is another UDFA butt warmer in the making, as Harbaugh AND Patrick Willis both gave him the rear end rub-a-dub Thursday. Harbaugh went so far as to suggest he was in a battle with Tarell Brown for a roster spot. Brown was once considered an up and comer, but his up never got very high and it could be his butt will be getting the boot treatment at cut down day.
And one last item in the butt ensemble, look who we have on the schedule tomorrow. Our old cross-bay, soon to be up-bay patsies, the Oakland Al Davises. Old Al hasn’t been seen much lately and what has been seen was not pleasing to the eyes. Can it be he has lapsed into the long awaited, partially glimpsed coma that Raider fans hope will free their team from bondage? Fuggedaboudit, Raiderettes. Bondage is what you twisted twerps prefer in the bedroom and what you get for following a useless organization. Here’s the key to the lock. Be sure to throw it away.