Contrary to perception and the blatherings of certified dipwads like Geraldo Rivera, who should have been sealed up in the bogus treasure cave of Al Capone rather than shamelessly continuing a charlatan journalism career, the NFL is 50% less likely to have one of its players arrested as is the population at large. [Source: some statistical shit off the web in the hands of an idiot with a calculator]
Still, NFL arrests are so much more fascinating to get a grip on with our fondle fingers. We like to wonder how somebody with all that success, money, and fame could jeopardize it all, usually over something ordinary like getting laid, driving fast, being angry, or simply getting wasted. We like to wonder how they feel with EVERYTHING SLIPPING AWAY.
Speaking of slip awayers, Charles Manson was recently denied parole and won’t be eligible for parole again until 2027. Manson would be 92 years old if he makes it that far. He entered prison when he was 34. And apparently, he’ still crazy after all these years. Forty-four years in the slammer and counting. Even surviving an attack by another inmate who tossed a cup of paint thinner on him and lit him up like a torch.
Not wanting to miss the slip and slide party, the 49ers have entered their own contestant this past week, OLB Ahmad Brooks. Brooks’ transgressions fall quite a ways short of the low bar set by the Patriots Aaron Hernandez, but bopping a teammate on the noggin three times with a beer bottle and threatening to haul out his pistol is certainly not commendable behavior. We’ll find out in the next few days whether he’ll be facing misdemeanor or felony charges, and a possible arrest and/or suspension.
We have yet to hear Brooks’ side of the story, nor have we heard directly from the two witnesses, Lawrence Okoye and Michael Purcell, so we won’t rush to judgment like we normally would if the incident occurred on another NFL team. Home team discount, so to speak. Maybe the boppee, Lamar Divens, stumbled into the bottle with his head! A little three stitch wound isn’t exactly indicative of a serious beat down. One that required calling the cops. Where I come from you never call the cops; they call on you.
On the bright side, a suspension for Brooks would certainly give a boost to Parys Haralson’s chances of sticking with the team. Divens might not be so lucky. Perhaps the team can rally round and provide a bridge over troubled water here.