Continuing our series on pretty much nothing, or thin air to you altitudinists, today we’ll wrap our brain waves around long term mediocrity. Vis a vis the SF 49ers. Some would say this is too generous a category for the 49ers, that down right awful is much more like it, but it’s June and awful thoughts belong in that black and empty month of February. At least that’s how we see it. After considerable research.
Anyway, the team has been some flavor of stinky for eight straight years. As a fan, this sucks. Year after year. Some years sucked more than others, but as a whole, eight consecutive years of bad football is a long enough stretch to get your franchise labeled as mediocre. A bottom dweller. A disrespected entity.
Since this terribility is going to change this year and never be heard from again, we thought we’d gather up these eight woeful years into an Era and rank the various years in reverse order of the pain they caused, from the least painful to the most painful.
8. 2009 team. Record 8-8: Rising.
7. 2006 team. Record 7-9: Surprising.
6. 2003 team. Record 7-9: Still fun.
5. 2005 team. Record 4-12: Not 0-16.
4. 2008 team. Record 7-9: End of Nolan.
3. 2004 team. Record 2-14: Worst team in league.
2. 2010 team. Record 6-10: Disgusting.
1. 2007 team. Record 5-11: Unwatchable.
As you can see, there are no wowzers in this group. Not even an above average season. Some years were worse than expected, but only two teams were better than expected — the 2005 and 2006 teams. The bar was so low then, that no fan expected the team to win any game they played. From 2007 to 2010, fans have expected a winner and, with the slight exception of 2009’s .500 club, been sorely disappointed.
The biggest culprit in this stretch of stinkamanity has been the Offense. Erickson’s 2003 team still had a pretty good offense, but after that the offense was perhaps the ugliest it has been in franchise history, all sixty years of it. Just embarrassingly bad shit.
As we have all heard, that is going to finally change this year. The 49ers, under new coach Jim Harbaugh, are going to restore excitement to that side of the ball. We will not have to wince when the offense takes the field. We will not have our children calling out the plays before they are run. We will not be treated to a steady, monotonous diet of pitiful three and outs.
Once again, 49er fans enter a season expecting some form of entertainment. Last year, fans only expected a winning team, one that made the playoffs. Even if it was ugly ball. This year, fans expect an exciting team, a relevant team, whether we make the playoffs or not. Harbaugh should be able to deliver that, shouldn’t he?
He’d better. Or he makes the Rank Rankings list for next year. And the Terribility Era continues.