Not Recommended For … Anyone

Now that Jim Harbaugh has identified all the areas of weakness on the team, he would like to reconsider that job offer from Michigan.

Seriously, though, we hope the effort to convince the league that the 49ers should be taken lightly this year is nearing its conclusion. We get it, guys. You stink. No more demonstrations needed.

All those empty seats Saturday night made it pretty clear that guys who like to get wasted and brawl make up the vast proportion of preseason ticket buying fans. With extra police presence and DUI checks at game’s end, these ruffians decided not to attend this game. Or season ticket holders, who would be held responsible for the thugs they sold their tickets to, decided to eat the ticket and take a medical write-off instead.

Whatever, nobody missed anything worth seeing. It wasn’t that a few of the players didn’t look good, so much as so many of the players who looked awful. Fortunately, the final chapter in this preseason saga of ineptitude comes around quickly on Thursday and we can be done with it. Until it is revisited and seen as the real deal or an ugly mirage.

Not sure what top tier matadors get paid these days, but they couldn’t possibly rival the dough our O-line is hauling down. Nor could they rival the matadorial skills of our O-line, either. And how could they? They don’t have two offensive line coaches teaching such superior dodge the bull talents.

The 49er secondary looks on a par with last year’s guys, which is to say about eighteen over after the first nine holes. I’m sure it’s all a scheme type of thing. It couldn’t possibly be a skill type of thing. Nobody could be that bad even if they tried. Ever so often they would have to at least accidentally be in the way of a pass headed in their vicinity.

It looks like Ted Ginn will be returning punts and kickoffs again this year. Nobody else has looked worth crap at it. Phillip Adams seems to have a knack for punt returns, but he may not make the team in a numbers crunch at cornerback. Too bad.

The 49er pass rush is MIA as usual. Matt Schaub stood in the pocket untouched and unhurried for as long as he damn well pleased. Our own QBs, who are mainly used as punching bags and blocking sleds, could only sigh in envy, wondering what it must be like to drop back to pass and actually get to throw one. Not just once in a blue moon, but nearly every single time.

On the bright side, I’m not going to say anything more about this game. Toodleloo Texans. Back to your second class citizenship in the cow manure state. The 49ers are still the toast of the Bay Area. Oops. Did I say toast? Just a figure of speech. Like the preseason is a figment of our imaginations. Right, Toto?

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28 comments on “Not Recommended For … Anyone
  1. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    The truth, whatever bullcrap Jed wants to spin, is that this team is not very good.
     

    This ain’t fantasy football. A few guys with stats do not make a good team. Its how units perform together that matters. And ours are utter crap.
     

    You know the line had a horrid night when Chilo “Turnstyle” Rachal had the best night of the O-line starters. Staley, Snyder and Davis were busy getting owned physically, while Iupati has yet to demonstrate he knows what he is supposed to be doing in pass pro. As an extra bonus, Goodman also got beat in ugly fashion. Boone had a little trouble too, though you can at least give him an inexperience Mulligan.
     

    Quarterbacks? We don’t don’t have any. Alex Smith is a scarecrow, not a QB. Kaep is young and dumb and has a lot to learn before he would be an improvement.
     

    Our receivers continue to drop balls in their hands. Our star running back is more worried about dead presidents than winning games.
     

    Its so bad that my hatred of Moron Norris has been eclipsed by my disgust at his ten fellow offensive starters.
     

    The defense did not look good either, but they were keeping it vanilla, and I think that side of things will be somewhat better starting in Seattle.
     

    But right now, this is a 6-10 team, struggling to find any offensive consistency or improvement.

  2. winderNo Gravatar says:

    Felt like 2007 all over again. Gonna be a looooong year. Crap.

  3. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Not one mention on how either of our QBs performed last night? That’s shoddy journalism if ya ask me. Maybe you’re having trouble finding the right words to describe it. Here’s a hint: try those with 4-letters.

  4. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    On the good news front, we were consistent. Unfortunately, we were consistently bad. More good news, I feel safe to make a prediction for our record this year, unfortunately it is 7-9. One more piece of good news, we have Willis on the team, unfortunately he looked terrible last night, as did all the LBs.

  5. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    I’m watching the replay of the Seahawks and Broncos right now on the NFL Net. It it’s any consolation, Seattle looks just as bad if not worse than we do.
     
    Seahawks vs 49ers Week 1. It’s the Toilet Bowl. Must Pee TV.

  6. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Del, you missed my next to last paragraph. Shoddy reading, if ya ask me.

  7. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    It doesn’t seem anybody wants to homologate yesterday’s performance by our 49ers. Who would if one was watching our QB get hit many times before he even planted his back foot?
    .
    We will need more QBs soon. Being a 49er QB is like being Darth Vader’s next in line.

  8. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    Skeebers, I read your entire article. Including your next to last paragraph. You eluded to our QBs be envious of the Texans QBs playing behind a better OL. Once again you diverted their play and shifted all the blame on our OL. Was it the line’s fault on Kaep’s PK 6? I don’t think so. Was it just the line’s fault our QBs combined to go 8/22? I don’t think so.
     
    Did our OL suck? You’re goddamn right they did. But so did our QBs in their own right. And that needs to get hammered home as well.

  9. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Nobody threw an uglier pick than Schaub’s first pass. Kaep is a rook. He’s learning. Smith threw six passes, got clobbered on two and sacked twice. Where was he supposed to shine, Del?

  10. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    It’s pretty simple, Del. You think a QB can function without any blocking and I don’t.

  11. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    There was one bright spot, the punting unit got a lot of work and looked good!

  12. bullitNo Gravatar says:

    One outcome of the game is I’d be suprised if Ronald Johnson wasn’t cut this week.
    He had 3 negatives and didn’t do anything positive.
    They also need to get their screen game untracked as that looked chaotic. Where were the 3 step drops and 7 yard slants?
    So let’s see when the playbooks are finally opened up.I saw 62 looking for someone to block when Smith was getting sacked.

  13. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    How do I keep forgetting? It’s not his fault!

  14. winderNo Gravatar says:

    bullit – We haven’t executed a good screen for years. We can’t even perform the requisite dump-off pass. I blame everybody.

  15. robNo Gravatar says:

    allow me to homologate ! oh wait i don’t know what that means !

    what i do know is that no matter the coach , this team always seems to take 1 step forward and two steps back !

  16. robNo Gravatar says:

    NOFEAR !
    saw your response on the insider ! you saw my drunken ramblings !
    i blame you for everything now that nolan is gone !

  17. robNo Gravatar says:

    imo hunter and rjf were our only bright spots ! that’s not completely horrible considering it is preseason ! (those are the kind of guys you want to see do well in these )
    the 0-line struggles are understandable considering the kids iupati and AD and raw rachal and a new center ! add a new scheme and you’re going to struggle early imo !
    the problem is we all want to see improvement , not 1 step forward 2 steps back !

  18. Philippine FanNo Gravatar says:

    Homologate? Hell man you do that in public it’s at least a misdemeanor.
     
    No pre-season, new coaching staff, new players it really shows. That’s reality. No reason to despair, give it a couple years then okay I’ll become Del.
     

  19. RickNo Gravatar says:

    What I did not see at all were any roll-outs by either Smith or CK. I know rolling out the QB cuts the field in half, but half a field is still better than zero field which is what we have with the seven step straight back drop.

  20. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    homologation is clearly a threat to traditional marriage, which should be between one man and his bottle of tequila, and eff any pervert who says different!

  21. robNo Gravatar says:

    the knbr guys thought sop did ok

  22. bigjon49erNo Gravatar says:

    If Gore wants 4 yrs. at “big money” they won’t let it carry over into the season, they’ll trade him! This year is all about setting the foundation. I say 9&7 and beat Seattle twice.

  23. Philippine FanNo Gravatar says:

    Grumpy, hell yeah it’s a threat! Any homologater who gets between me and my bottle of the good shit IS DEAD, DEAD I TELLS YA!! F-ing weirdos!

  24. robNo Gravatar says:

    this time the vid was spotty so i did knbr !

  25. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    NoFear- The D-line was stringing out the running plays, there weren’t any LBs around to fill. That is the 3-4, the LBs stop the run while the line strings it out. I’ve never seen our LBs have this bad if a game. Sope did fine. He got washed once or twice, which is better than face down, flouncing on the ground and eating grass once or twice a game, but Sope generally had a good game. The D-line was not the problem Saturday, it was the LBs and missed assignments by the DBs. The D-line did not play great but they did do a poor job like the rest of te D.
    .
    As far as the pass rush goes, would it make any difference with the WRs so wide open? There needs to be better coverage to give the pass rush time to get there, unless you can get to the QB before he plants his back foot, like Houston did against us.

  26. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Oops- In the 1st paragraph of the last post I meant to write “the D-line did not play great but they did NOT do a poor job like the rest of the D”.

  27. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    New post is up.

2020 Schedule
9-13: L Cardinals 24, 49ers 20
9-20: W 49ers 31, Jets 13
9-27: W 49ers 36, Giants 9

10-4: L Eagles 25, 49ers 20
10-11: L Dolphins 43, 49ers 17
10-18: W 49ers 24, Rams 16
10-25: W 49ers 33, Patriots 6

11-1: L Seahawks 37, 49ers 27
11-5: L Packers 34, 49ers 17
11-15: L Saints 27, 49ers 13

BYE

11-29: W 49ers 23, Rams 20

12-7: L Bills 34, 49ers 24
12-13: L Washington 23, 49ers 15
12-20: L Cowboys 41, 49ers 33
12-26: W 49ers 20, Cardinals 12

1-3: L Seahawks 26, 49ers 23

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
 
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
WINNERS:
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

LOSERS:
Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

ABSTAINERS:
Grumpy: DNP
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