Much Ado About Nothing

Trent Baalke and Jim Harbaugh got in front of the mikes yesterday at the NFL Combine, but they didn’t say anything that we hadn’t already heard, which by and large wasn’t worth hearing in the first place since it was all the sort of vague baloney coaches specialize in serving up to avoid giving answers, so it doesn’t seem necessary to report it all again and you guys have to read it all again, so I won’t. Screw it.

The 49ers did not franchise or transition any players yesterday, so what they are up to, or have in mind, is a mystery. We have been assured they have plans A, B, and C in place and there is nothing to worry about. This is the same suggestion every team in the league is making, which will turn out to be either bullshit or brilliance, whenever turning out turns up. Ergo, we will be worried, thank you.

Weight gain and, in some already super-sized specimens, weight loss are the hot ticket items. With “hot” being a relative term meaning a bit warmer than a cube of ice. Most of the off hand chatter is about how useless this whole side show is, even though everyone is paying very close attention to it. [Hint: It’s February. Enough said.]

My own feeling is this event is more important to the coaching fraternity than the players and GMs. These coaches get to wander around leaving their phone numbers with other organizations to keep them in mind when those organizations fire a bunch of coaches and when the coaches themselves get their next pink slip, which happens about every two or three years for the majority of these NFL vagabonds who wander from team to team teaching routes or mechanics or stances or leverage or whatever.

You have to be a special kind of woman to be married to one of these assistant coaches, because you’re never going to live anywhere very long and frequently end up in places like Cleveland or Buffalo where you have lots of winter days to wonder why the hell you ever married this lunk in the first place. There’s probably an inner circle wives’ club for these unfortunate females which would definitely be fun to be a bug on the old wall at one of their get togethers, which would probably feature a lot of salty remarks and such. I’m only guessing, of course. It could be they all play bridge and have a fabulous time.

Being a kid in one of these families has got to be a little brutal. Every two years you are the new kid on the block, the new kid at school, and just when you’re getting a friendship going, poof! you’re gone again. It probably explains why some kids grow up and choose to live a grouchy life in a high-tech igloo in the Yukon, although I haven’t really researched this theory just yet. It’s on my To Do list.

I did want to make sure I passed along the news that DelMar Dennis is organizing a farewell party for Alex Smith next Thursday night, providing that Smith is out of town and unable to attend. We should all salute DelMar for taking time out from his busy schedule of going to hell in a hand basket to host this event.

This party had better be enjoyable, because the following morning, March 4th, the NFL will temporarily cease to exist and we’re all going to be seriously pissed off. But at least it will be March, and not February. February can’t even spell its own name right. March is a directive. Let’s hope the dodos haggling about the CBA contract get the message.



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17 comments on “Much Ado About Nothing
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    In the pursuit of lexicography, or in the NFL it would be compiling the playbook, the coaches now get to go to the big party in Indy and talk about their vast knowledge of lexicography as it pertains to their playbooks. Since the people having to hear all of this are the new fish who haven’t played in the NFL yet, they can all sound like experts, even Singletary.

  2. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    How the hell did I get suckered into hosting this party? I left my party-hoisting days back at the 54 with Steve Rubell. Is Disco still dead, or did it never die in the first place? I can’t remember which.
     
    How would you like to be a lexicographer? That’s got to be some stimulating work right there.
     
    “a writer of dictionaries, a harmless drudge.” ~ Samuel Johnson. Sam must be a fan of the NFL Combine.

  3. delmardennisNo Gravatar says:

    Party-hoisting? “hosting” All these years of hoisting a few must have caught up to me.

  4. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    I always assumed those nomad kids would be popular. After the perfunctory introductions, “My daddy’s a fireman… My daddy’s a policeman… My daddy’s an assistant tight end coach for the Buffalo Bills…” and the subsequent beatings, it would get down to business.
    Once the kids find out daddy is giving them all free footballs and equipment to play with all school year, nomad kid would fit right in.

  5. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    If NoFear is going to the party I’m in too! I’ll bring Sierra Nevada Glissade. I hope I didn’t scare you away my friend! You showing RT?

  6. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Hell yeah, Reno! I’ll be the one trying to hang from the chandelier and dance on the table AT THE SAME TIME!

    I’ll bring the New Mexico red chile. Greatest stuff in the world, though NoFear will have to keep the sled dogs away from it.

    Who’s going to be the pinata?

  7. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    RT- When NoFear said he’d bring the pinata I was expectng him to bring Alex Smith!

  8. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    I figured he’d bring Unca.

  9. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Only in his dreams, Skeebs.

  10. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    I was just thinking how exciting it would be to have Alex HIMSELF throw the party!
    Cuz when he throws something, you never know where it’ll wind up!

  11. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Us SF Giants fans are feeling a bit halcvon these days, I’m hoping to get that feeling soon again with my 49ers.

  12. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Oops- That should have been “hacyon” instead of “halcvon”.

  13. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    I confess to only being at Pac Bell once. My buddy and I were going to be on TV until I told the interviewer we were eating Togo’s sandwiches, not park food.

    LOL. Halcyon days, much better than the zillion games I went to at Candlestick. Could’ve used some of NoFear’s dogs for some of those.

  14. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Oops again. It looks like I just can’t spell the WOTD today. It is halcyon.

  15. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Geez, I almost had a heart attack. I checked the Insider and saw a new post – Alex Smith: 2…
    I imagined the worst, 2 years, 20 million dollars.
    Whew! “2 views”, in Kevin’s warped mind.
    Safe for another day!

  16. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    Reminds me of the old joke about Marc Wilson. How Raiders’ fans wanted to send him to Libya.

    ‘Cause he was the only man who could overthrow Gaddafi.

    Wonder where Wilson is these days. His time, or at least Muammar’s, may have finally come.

  17. FranchiseNo Gravatar says:

    Too bad Ronald whiffed the target, among other missed opportunities. 

     

    My latest mock: 

     

    Round 1: DT/DE Marcel “Rolling ball of butcher knives” Dareus 
    Round 2: DT Sione “I sound like a Samoan James Earl Jones” Fua 
    Round 3: QB Colin “I can fastball a pigskin 50+ yards, can you?” Kaepernick 
    Round 4: Franchise pops open a Chimay Grand Reserve to toast 2011 

     

2020 Schedule
9-13: L Cardinals 24, 49ers 20
9-20: W 49ers 31, Jets 13
9-27: W 49ers 36, Giants 9

10-4: L Eagles 25, 49ers 20
10-11: L Dolphins 43, 49ers 17
10-18: W 49ers 24, Rams 16
10-25: W 49ers 33, Patriots 6

11-1: L Seahawks 37, 49ers 27
11-5: L Packers 34, 49ers 17
11-15: L Saints 27, 49ers 13

BYE

11-29: W 49ers 23, Rams 20

12-7: L Bills 34, 49ers 24
12-13: L Washington 23, 49ers 15
12-20: L Cowboys 41, 49ers 33
12-26: W 49ers 20, Cardinals 12

1-3: L Seahawks 26, 49ers 23

2020 Draft Class
1. DT Javon Kinlaw, South Carolina
1. WR Brandon Aiyuk, Arizona State
5. OL Colton McKivitz, West Virginia
6. TE Charlie Woerner, Georgia
7. WR Jauan Jennings, Tennessee
 
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
WINNERS:
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

LOSERS:
Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

ABSTAINERS:
Grumpy: DNP
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