Next week a new class of concussion lawsuit plaintiffs will place their delicate noggins inside NFL helmets and begin the long, hard road to dementia by knocking the snot out of each other for the next six months. Thanks guys! Sorry about the brain damage.
2011 was a magical season for the 49ers, so it stands to reason 2012 will not be. What we can reasonably hope is that it does not become a nightmare.
As expected, Dashon Goldson did not sign a long term contract Monday, so this will undoubtedly be his last year in San Francisco. Since we know the 49ers only offer totally fair contracts, it can be assumed that either Goldson or his agent have incurred brain damage, whether concussion related or not. Either that, or they know of an NFL owner that has brain damage and can’t wait to sit across the bargaining table from said owner next offseason.
Now that the 49ers are back in the winner’s circle, fans will probably move from the Please Win A Game room to the Style Point Victories room. Last year, the team won a lot of narrow decision games. This year, fans will want to see some knockouts — lots of them. There might even be some booing if we win by less than two touchdowns.
It’s been said the 49ers can’t repeat the +28 turnover differential this year, which is probably true. People who don’t like the Niners, or don’t like the West Coast, or are just ignorant baboons have used this expected fall off as a prop for predicting the team’s demise back into the pack this year.
However, a modest +14 differential would achieve the same scoring impact this year if the team scored TDs instead of FGs from their turnovers. Which, of course, it will do with our new explosive offense. The team will actually be better off at (+14 + TDs) > (+28 + FGs) because of the extra points! We shall overcome, comrades!
Some of you might be shaking your head and wondering if Skeebers is off his meds again. Go ahead. Skepticalize all you want. But the raw truth of these equations will stick in your head and eventually bubble up into outrageous optimism by the start of the season. Unca_Chuck will even claim he said it all along!
One thing we won’t have this season will be the light-hearted soliloquies of long time 49er blogger NoFear49er. Our Yukon iglooian submitted his retirement papers in early July and will no longer be an Outsider commenter. The Smith Haters Club will be holding a wake in the Candlestick parking lot before the first regular season game. So long, Skippy! We’ll miss you.
In the meantime, there are only a few days left of this long, long offseason. Plenty of time to whip up on your mother, take a DUI spin on the freeway at 3:00am, host a party where everyone’s packing heat, or do any other wild and wacky nonsense you can think of to jeopardize your multi-million dollar career or just your humble, anonymous life as a rootin tootin blogging man.