Jeff Ireland, the GM of the Miami Dolphins, certainly qualifies to win the Jerk award, since he is the one who asked Dez Bryant, during pre-draft interviews, if his mom was a prostitute. Pretty sicko question, for sure. I bet he wouldn’t have asked it of LeGarrette Blount if he wanted his face to stay in one piece. Bryant apparently handled the creepy question with aplomb and let it go.
But nobody much knew about it (meaning I didn’t) until Mike Silver of Yahoo! Sports made hay out of it with a trash piece on Ireland, which gave Pro Football Talk the chance to further milk the story by repeating it. Three times. Once for Silver’s story, once for Ireland’s apology to Bryant, and a third time for the manner in which Ireland went about performing his public apology. By the time I post this, there will probably be a fourth and a fifth. That’s two major national sports media, and probably several more, dragging this poor woman through the mud in the course of their indignant harpooning of Ireland.
Meanwhile, every Tom, Dick, and Shirley now has their curiosity revved up to find out if Bryant’s mother really was a prostitute. And his mother is probably shriveled away in hiding somewhere, whether she really was or wasn’t. Not to mention, every place she goes for the next ten years either somebody will ask her if she’s a prostitute, or she’ll be wondering if every strange glance flicked her way indicates that glancer is asking the question silently.
I say the biggest jerk is Silver. This guy is always writing hatchet jobs, and he’s had more than one directed at the 49ers. So eff you, Mike. And stick it, while you’re at it.
If I’m Dez Bryant, I’m looking at my new found wealth as a first round draft pick and thinking of springing a few nickels to hire a top notch Private Investigator to do an exhaustive background check on Silver for any and all dirt I can find. And a guy that sleazy is going to have plenty of slime in his closet. Then I get my agent to find a guy like Mike Wallace to shove a camera in Silver’s face while he’s coming out of the bathroom some morning – hopefully tugging at his fly.
Of course, I’m not someone who could remotely get an endorsement from Tony Dungy, so maybe Bryant will just ignore my suggestion, chalk it up, and move on. Which is the right thing to do, probably. Sure.
Hmmph, you might be muttering, or even wagging the fateful middle digit at the screen. Aren’t I milking this story, too? I guess the answer is probably sort of yes. The difference is the story’s already out there (meaning I didn’t “leak” it), and neither Dez Bryant or his mother is ever going to read and be embarrassed by an article written by a nobody in Northern California with a readership of fourteen begrudging relatives (fifteen, if you count my dog who I read my articles to).
In addition, I have a very pure reason for this rant. It gives me an opportunity to scoff on my sleeve at the Miami Dolphins. You see, that’s Bill Parcells’ team. The guy who many of our 49er bashers hold up as the model of NFL super-duper know how, and of course, would be better running the 49ers than the people who actually are, no matter who they are. And Ireland is his GM.
Old Bill is now heading into his third year of rebuilding that Miami team and they are coming off a backward step 7-9 season. They’re also looking up at the rear ends of the Patriots and the Jets. And we all know how big that rear end running the Jets is. Ha ha ha. Eat it, Big Tuna, you overrated tub of lard.
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