As the 2013 NFL Offseason stinks quietly into the murky depths of history, it’s time to dust off the pom-poms and give it the old sis, boom, bah. Another exciting season of 49er football is about to begin.
This year’s team will be led by Castro district pin-up sensation Colin Kaepernick, who spent the offseason trotting around the country half or fully naked and proclaiming, “I love me some me and screw you.”
Not exactly the sort of classy and humble leadership 49er fans have grown accustomed to, but football fanning requires a near-pact with the devil moral system, so I’m sure we’ll all come to bask in the glow of Colin’s heroic achievements on the field of play. Achievements are also something 49er fans have grown accustomed to and on that count, there is no gray area. Win or take a hike.
OLB Ahmad Brooks has apparently escaped the wrath of the dreaded mug shot photo after his assault on teammate Lamar Divens. Divens also will not be prosecuted for his attempted extortion of $1,000,000 from Brooks. The 49ers stated they would have no further comment on the issue, which expanded on their earlier comments, which were non-existent. It remains to be seen whether NFL commissioner Roger Goodell will have anything to say about the matter in terms of fining and/or suspending Brooks for appearing to misbehave, whether he did or did not.
Continuing down the slippery slope of redefining “high character guys,” the 49ers fetched a pretty good young CB (Eric Wright) from Tampa Bay after he wore out his welcome there by getting suspended for PEDs and being arrested twice for DUIs, neither of which has as yet resulted in a conviction. The DUI charges were dropped in the first arrest and have not yet been applied in the second, which occurred a mere ten days ago on July 12. Assuming the charges are eventually filed, and Wright’s attorney is as good as Seattle’s Marshawn Lynch’s, who has gotten his client’s trial delayed for nearly two years, Wright should be able to play out the 2013 year without a suspension from Goodell.
The team will be opening Training Camp with 8 guys on the Physically Unable to Perform (PUP) list: DT Tank Carradine, DT Quinton Dial, RB Marcus Lattimore, T Luke Marquardt, LB Darius Fleming, RB Kendall Hunter, WR Mario Manningham, and WR Kyle Williams. Michael Crabtree will also be added to this list when he reports in for duty. That’s a lot of wounded warriors.
The past four seasons, the NFC West has been been fairly easy pickings, and the 49ers did the picking for the past two, after shedding the Nolangletary era restraints on offensive ingenuity. This year, however, the pickings will be located much higher on the tree. Both Seattle and St. Louis will be formidable participants in what promises to be a veritable donnybrook for division supremacy.
In two weeks, the preseason games begin and all those vacant Sundays will be filled from now until February. Sigh. How sweet it is.