Fab Rehab Team

The second of three OTAs begins Tuesday and hopefully we will not hear anything newsworthy from this three day practice session. If there’s real news, it’s going to be bad. Otherwise, everyone is looking great and ready to have a big year. Last week, we lost 90 receptions and 1,100 yards of offense. Not a good start to the year.

Jim Harbaugh has listed Ricardo “Don’t call me Lucy” Lockette, AJ Jenkins, and Quinton Patton as the three WRs who will duel over the starting job left vacant by Michael Crabtree’s busted Achilles tendon. A first round draftee, a fourth round draftee, and a move around free agent. May the best man win. And may that best not be just the least stinky of three excrement piles.

Aldon Smith has so far not gotten into trouble this offseason, which is good non-news. He was on a treacherous roll there for awhile last year. Of course, he’s rehabbing at https://www.agapetc.com/ for a labrum injury, so maybe that has something to do with curtailing his youthful energy.

The 49ers have the makings of a pretty good team if there were a rehab league. Aldon, Justin Smith, Mario Manningham, Kyle Williams, Kendall Hunter, Tank Carradine, and Marcus Lattimore. We could throw Chris Culliver in there, though mental rehab probably doesn’t count unless he’s got the electro-shock treatment going on. We’ll have to check his hairdo first chance we get. See if he’s got some burnt edges.

Initial word out of camp is that much snickered upon FA Craig Dahl has looked pretty good back there in the not-Dashon Goldson spot. I admit I was one of the nose wrinklers when we signed this guy, but now that he’s wearing the spunky underdog label, it’s hard not to root for him. If he’s starting in game one, though, it means Trent Baalke has whiffed on two straight number one picks. Not good. On the plus side, if you’re a fan of the Scanners movie, we would likely see Dennis’ head explode on opening day, so that’s another reason to get the Craig Dahl Fan Club up and running. For some reason, exploding heads are almost as entertaining as a good fart in the wrong place.

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23 comments on “Fab Rehab Team
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Like a good fart in church! Isn’t that why they them pews?

  2. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Great Farts in Literature:
     
    William Styron: “I saw Gray stir uncomfortably, then raise one haunch up off a fart trying to slide it out gracefully, but it emerged in multiple soft reports like the popping of remote firecrackers.”
     
    James Joyce: “You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.”
     
    W.H. Auden: “Most people enjoy the sight of their own handwriting as they enjoy the smell of their own farts.”
     
    Dante: “…and he used his ass as a trumpet.”
     
    Jonathan Swift: Swift describes four types of farts, and how to produce them. They are:
     
    First, the sonorous and full-toned, or rousing fart;
     
    Second, the double fart;
     
    Third, the soft fizzing fart;
     
    And fourth, the sullen wind-bound fart.”
     
    And, of course, J.D. Salinger: “All of a sudden this guy sitting in front of me, Edgar Marsalla, laid this terrific fart. It was a very crude thing to do in chapel and all.”

  3. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if Edgar’s fart smelled like his veal? (I know there’s an extra ‘l’ in his name. Play along).
     
    Dahl has been lining up as the first-team FS alongside Whitner during the OTAs. It’s not only possible, but it’s very probable that when Bob Sarlatte announces our defensive starters for Week 1 vs Green Bay, he’ll utter these words…”Starting at free safety in his 7th year from N. Dakota St. (do they really have a football team?), #43, Craig Dahl…” Let’s cut to Dennis for his reaction…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY-03vYYAjA

  4. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Somehow, Joyce and I don’t see sex and farts exactly the same.

  5. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    The late great Leslie Nielsen was a pioneer of the fart gag…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGuHDdSImFQ

  6. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Humans aren’t the only ones who enjoy a good one:
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UEM541IenE

  7. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    That was a great commentary of our political environment in the USA!

  8. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    I suppose we should get back to football today. These highbrow topics are a bit of a strain on the old cranial goo.

  9. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Or not.

  10. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    That sounds pretty insignificant. maybe just cleaning up scar tissue or debris from his earlier injury? If so, I’d expect he’ll be fine in two months.
     
    Good news there about KW and Hunter. Hopefully they’ll be ready to go full speed by September.
     
    The guy I worry most about is Justin. Because of his importance to the defense, and because recovery times and degree of recovery have some correlation to age. It would NOT be good if he does not make a full recovery.

  11. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    The Niners were just one of three teams last year that started the same five on the OL for all 16 games. Good luck with that happening again this year.

  12. Grumpy GuyNo Gravatar says:

    We’ve got some promising depth on the OL now with Kilgore, Looney, Bykowski and Marquardt – but, yeah, discontinuity on the OL is always a negative. Still, I’d rather lose an OL starter than Kappy. I’m not quite sold yet on the Colt McCoy era here. *That* would be pucker time.

  13. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t forget Adam Snyder, the super sub.

  14. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    By this time next year, Snyder might be the last man standing from the 2005 draft.

  15. bullitNo Gravatar says:

    Kendall Hunter seems to be recovering nicely from his Achilles injury. Some insight from Niner Nation as to what he’s gone through and gives a timeline for what to expect with Crabtree and to understand the rehab process.
    “The first three or four months are the most significant for Achilles injuries. After surgery, the tendon is very fragile. It has to stay immobilized to repair itself and cannot be stretched. Once it is stretched, the damage cannot be reversed.

    At the same time, there is a delicate balance. The tendon also needs the proper weight-bearing, so an athlete will want to start weight-bearing as soon as possible (but without stretching it). The longer a person protects the Achilles, it actually alters the mechanics of the tendon. If even slight compensations are made during the healing process, the tendon won’t move as fluidly again.

    After athletes pass the initial three- to four-month period, Achilles tendons recover beautifully. It once again becomes a very strong tendon. And, there’s no reason Hunter cannot return to his former abilities. At this juncture, his biggest challenge will be to strengthen it. The process is slow. The fact he is performing at OTAs with team doctors present shows he wants the green light. I believe the doctors will be cautious. Yet, at every practice, he will get stronger. And, doctors have given him a little room on that medical leash.”

  16. bullitNo Gravatar says:

    Anquan Boldin will make a huge difference.
    He’s embracing being a leader and a mentor to a very young group of receivers.
    He’s stressing a hard work ethic to be successful.
    http://www.49ers.com/media-gallery/videos/Press-Pass-Boldin-Kind-of-Like-Being-a-Rookie/c9b140d5-3985-4530-afc6-694fa01c518f

  17. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    It’s former 49er and Evander Holyfield look-alike, Lee Woodall’s birthday today. Either that or someone on this blog is turning Lee Woodall today. I can’t remember which. 54. Damn. You’re going to need a Hoveround motorized wheelchair to “run the hill” soon. Have a beer on me. Put it on Norm Peterson’s tab. Cheers!

  18. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, I’m turning Lee Woodall today!

  19. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Ever wonder what the cool song on the Red Bull commercial is. The one where Bumgartner(sp) jumps out of a balloon at 114,00 feet at the end. Here it is:
    http://youtu.be/3yCc1QzYfOA

  20. unca_chuckNo Gravatar says:

    No.

  21. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    New post is up.

2020 Schedule
9-13: L Cardinals 24, 49ers 20
9-20: W 49ers 31, Jets 13
9-27: W 49ers 36, Giants 9

10-4: L Eagles 25, 49ers 20
10-11: L Dolphins 43, 49ers 17
10-18: W 49ers 24, Rams 16
10-25: W 49ers 33, Patriots 6

11-1: L Seahawks 37, 49ers 27
11-5: L Packers 34, 49ers 17
11-15: L Saints 27, 49ers 13

BYE

11-29: W 49ers 23, Rams 20

12-7: L Bills 34, 49ers 24
12-13: L Washington 23, 49ers 15
12-20: L Cowboys 41, 49ers 33
12-26: W 49ers 20, Cardinals 12

1-3: L Seahawks 26, 49ers 23

2020 Draft Class
1. DT Javon Kinlaw, South Carolina
1. WR Brandon Aiyuk, Arizona State
5. OL Colton McKivitz, West Virginia
6. TE Charlie Woerner, Georgia
7. WR Jauan Jennings, Tennessee
 
2020 Prognostications (Mulligan Version)
WINNERS:
Bullit: 6-10
NJ49er: 6-10

LOSERS:
Skeebers: 7-9
Winder: 4-12

ABSTAINERS:
Grumpy: DNP
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