The NFL has decided that all locker rooms be equipped with video cameras next year. This will allow fans who attend games, and not the home viewing audience, to be legalized peepers on their iPads or iPhones, both before the team takes the field and at half time. My first thought was, “I’m glad Charles Haley is retired.”
Haley’s first thought probably was, “Shit. I retired too soon.”
For those of you who don’t drown yourself in NFL folklore, Haley was a guy who liked to walk around waving his wing-wang just about anywhere — locker rooms, meeting rooms, visiting your mother-in-law — you name it, he had it out there. Quite often giving it the old rub-a-dub while on display. As you can surmise, his wand was really, really big — Milton Berle big. I suppose this comes under the category of “If you got it, flaunt it” and Haley had it, so it was flaunted. Amen.
Apparently, the NFL feels this sort of prurient lure will help nudge people off the couch and into the stadiums. At the mega-prices charged for tickets these days, it seems like a bit of a stretch. Then again, rich people are kinky. You never know.
Initially, I’m sure there will be RULES OF BEHAVIOR. But we all know that in five years there will be scantily clad hot babes in there handing out small towels to uncladded hot hunks and maybe some fuzzy photo whoops! bleep outs of certain torso parts — or maybe not! This is in-stadium viewing, and not subject to prime time restrictions, so maybe not indeed.
Sex and violence. A winning combo for the future. Now, if the NFL can get a few more guys actually killed on the field, we’ll have NASCAR on the gridiron!