The fateful day has arrived. At 9pm PST today, the lights go out all over the NFL map.
Unless the players and owners agree to extend the expiration of product deadline. If this does not occur, the 2011 Lockout will begin. Last call for signing, re-signing, or cutting current players. It might be a busy day.
Fortunately, I do not have to leave the house today and can remain glued to the Twitter Wire. I performed leaving the house maneuvers yesterday. Grisly stuff. In slow and excruciating sequence, chewing up most of the day, I was gouged during a medical appointment, gouged by a Verizon appointment, terrified by aberrant highway motorists, and finally found myself stuck in a parking lot waiting for Skeebette to finish some business transactions when a tremendous case of “Here Comes Lasorda” broke out. Panic! I will not describe the ingenious solution I came up with, other than to advise the gardeners of that particular shopping area to step a bit cautiously when trimming the hedges today.
Needless to say, performing the emergency Lasorda evacuation technique in broad daylight in a busy shopping center without being arrested or observed was both humbling and thrilling. The worst part was getting from my car to the hedges without a containment breach. It had been many years since I enacted the cross-legged contorted pincher hold while whistling scene, walk briskly for five yards, repeat pincher hold, another brisk walk, etc. Workers in high rises surrounding the area who may have chosen this moment to gaze out the window at the spectacle below were no doubt treated to a hilarious neanderthal exhibition. “Hey, Joe. Come over here. You gotta see this.”
At any rate, when Skeebette emerged from her transactions, she found her husband standing by the car in cool serenity with no idea of the dramatic intensity that I had just lived through. In fact, I believe she asked, “What are you so happy about?”
“Oh, just happy to see you, dear,” I replied.
“Where’s your T-shirt?”
“I threw it away. It was bugging me.”
“You never throw anything away. Especially ratty T-shirts.”
In other news, Seattle has waived Nate “The Great” Davis. That was quick. They just signed him in January. This could be the end of the meteoric non-career of the 49ers’ franchise QB in waiting the past two years. Apparently, making yourself a legend as an alternative to Alex Smith only works if you are on the same team as Smith. Nate will have to wait until Alex signs with his new team before resuming his NFL life.
Should be a fun day. Except for gardeners in a particular shopping center. Watch your step, guys!