Don’t Go Near the Daisies

The fateful day has arrived. At 9pm PST today, the lights go out all over the NFL map.

Unless the players and owners agree to extend the expiration of product deadline. If this does not occur, the 2011 Lockout will begin. Last call for signing, re-signing, or cutting current players. It might be a busy day.

Fortunately, I do not have to leave the house today and can remain glued to the Twitter Wire. I performed leaving the house maneuvers yesterday. Grisly stuff. In slow and excruciating sequence, chewing up most of the day, I was gouged during a medical appointment, gouged by a Verizon appointment, terrified by aberrant highway motorists, and finally found myself stuck in a parking lot waiting for Skeebette to finish some business transactions when a tremendous case of “Here Comes Lasorda” broke out. Panic! I will not describe the ingenious solution I came up with, other than to advise the gardeners of that particular shopping area to step a bit cautiously when trimming the hedges today.

Needless to say, performing the emergency Lasorda evacuation technique in broad daylight in a busy shopping center without being arrested or observed was both humbling and thrilling. The worst part was getting from my car to the hedges without a containment breach. It had been many years since I enacted the cross-legged contorted pincher hold while whistling scene, walk briskly for five yards, repeat pincher hold, another brisk walk, etc. Workers in high rises surrounding the area who may have chosen this moment to gaze out the window at the spectacle below were no doubt treated to a hilarious neanderthal exhibition. “Hey, Joe. Come over here. You gotta see this.”

At any rate, when Skeebette emerged from her transactions, she found her husband standing by the car in cool serenity with no idea of the dramatic intensity that I had just lived through. In fact, I believe she asked, “What are you so happy about?”

“Oh, just happy to see you, dear,” I replied.

“Where’s your T-shirt?”

“I threw it away. It was bugging me.”

“You never throw anything away. Especially ratty T-shirts.”

I smiled.

In other news, Seattle has waived Nate “The Great” Davis. That was quick. They just signed him in January. This could be the end of the meteoric non-career of the 49ers’ franchise QB in waiting the past two years. Apparently, making yourself a legend as an alternative to Alex Smith only works if you are on the same team as Smith. Nate will have to wait until Alex signs with his new team before resuming his NFL life.

Should be a fun day. Except for gardeners in a particular shopping center. Watch your step, guys!

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17 comments on “Don’t Go Near the Daisies
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    The gardeners probably haven’t seen a gimcrack like that since leaving Mexico. I usually find that buildings have bathrooms.
    Well, at least you both did the necessary paperwork that needed to be done. When I was a kid I used to feed my dog crayons so I check out the colorful gimcracks afterwards! They were like museum pieces, do not touch.

  2. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    Trust me, Berger, I would never have made it to the buildings, let alone their loos.

  3. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Reno, remember those damn lanyards kids would make in camp? They consisted of long thin strands of plastic? Jozie (see avatar) would eat that stuff by the 5′ lengths. Needless to say, her turds would be strung together like popcorn strings on a Christmas tree. My son thoght is was the funniest thing in the world . . .

  4. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Shoulda used your socks, Skeebs.

  5. Del Mar DennisNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not worried about going near the daisies, I’m more concerned about stumbling into the restaurant that caused this “episode.” What the hell did you eat?
    Between the toilet humor here and V going all “Cybil” over on Chuck’s blog, I think I might need to head back to the Insider. They’re much more highbrow over there. I’m hanging out with hoi polloi.

  6. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Oh shit, is he back?

  7. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Phew. he isn’t. But then again, no one is . . .

  8. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Well, it looks like Matt Hasselhof will hit the (non-existent) free agent market after not coming to terms with Seattle. He gets a whole 10 hours of freedom.

    Worth a flier?

    Who knows? I was at the Niner/Seattle game, and I never saw a guy look so shitty. And I’ve seen Alex play a couple times.

  9. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    He’s good in Seattle and just about nowhere else.

  10. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Skeebs! Sorry to hear about the Alex’s Revenge!
    Nate ruined my rep. I was on a roll picking the (very) occasional college QB before him (for details, inquire within).
    I still think if Sing had played him the last two meaningless games of 2009, things might have turned out differently. But I’m not going Alexcuser on you, I promise.

  11. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    JaBlobbus’ mansion in the Oakland Hills is now in foreclosure.
    Alex may be a bust, but he can’t hold a candle to THE MAN!
    JaBlobbus makes Akili Smith look good. Only Druckenmiller and Leaf, off the top of my head, can compete.

  12. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Drunkenf*cker was a 26th pick in the 1st round, wasn’t he?
    Not quite the clusterf*ck nightmare Ryan Leaf (or Purple Drank) was.

  13. RTFireflyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, I guess he doesn’t count. Only overall #1s deserve to be in that elite company.

  14. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Although I’m pissed the Niners didn’t take Plummer. Things coulda been a lot different.

  15. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Answering NoFear of FlyingV from an earlier thread. Hey it’s a slow day.
    No V, the ‘new’ money generated by the new games isn’t tied directly to player salaries. If Tom Brady’s existing contract calls for $2 mill a game, he doesn’t get a $4 mill raise when the 2 games are added to the schedule. NOTHING is automatic. Why? Because those games exist on the schedule as pre-season games. They get paid the same, but the risk for the players is about 80x greater treating those games as regular season games as opposed to practice. How many snaps did Peyton Manning take in those last 2 preseason games of the 2010 season? 8? 5? 0? Turn those into meaningful games, and you have 120 more snaps per season that these guys face.

  16. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Right, V, uh NoFear. So you think that 2 preseason games means the same for the starting players in the NFL as two regular season games? Are the owner going to prorate those two games for them?
    They aren’t getting bumped in salary for those games. The extra money generated from those 2 games will go to expanding the rosters of all the NFL teams in some way (2 roster spots and 1 or 2 PS guys).
    Scatalogical equivalence? Oooh. V would be rpoud.

  17. Unca ChuckNo Gravatar says:

    Or proud. Either way, you are once again off the mark.

    Wide Richey II . . .

2021 Schedules
09/12: W 49ers 41, Lions 33
09/19: W 49ers 17, Eagles 11
09/26: L Packers 30, 49ers 28
10/03: L Seahawks 28, 49ers 21
10/10: L Cardinals 17, 49ers 10
10/17 BYE
10/24: L Colts 30, 49ers 18
10/31: W 49ers 33, Bears 22
11/07: L Cardinals 31, 49ers 17
11/15: W 49ers 31, Rams 10L
11/21: W 49ers 30, Jaguars 10
11/28: W 49ers 34, Vikings 26
12/05: L Seahawks 30, 49ers 23 12/12 · 10:00 AMCIN
12/19 · 1:05 PM v ATL
12/23 · 5:20 PM v TEN
01/02 · 1:05 PM v HOU
01/09 · 1:25 PM @ LAR

2021 Draft Class
1. QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State
2. OG Aaron Banks, Notre Dame
3. RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State
3. CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan
5. OG/OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan
5. CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon
5. S Talanoa Hufanga, USC
6. RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana
2021 Prognostications
Bullit: 12-5
Grumpy: 13-4
NJ49er: 11-6
Skeebers: 14-3
Winder: 12-5
Rob: 17-0
Spitblood: 0-17