Kevin Burnett, a free agent linebacker who played for the San Diego Chargers last year, turned his mouth loose on XX Sports Radio this week and said, “Goodell’s full of it, he’s a liar. You’re a blatant liar.”
This sentiment caused me to laugh. Hey, Kevin, OF COURSE HE’S A LIAR. THAT’S HIS JOB. Duh. And YOU’RE AN IDIOT. Which isn’t a job so much as it is a terminal condition.
Professional Liars represent some of the highest paying jobs in America. In fact, it has been proven that the more money you make, the more you lie about it. Wealth and Lying are bed partners. Extreme wealth eventually results in hiring other people to do your lying for you. And extremely extreme wealth enables the people who lie for you to in turn hire people to lie for them. It’s a racket, folks.
Great Moments in Lying should be some sort of documentary film. I’ll put it on my calendar. [he’s lying. he doesn’t have a calendar.]
The first memory I have of lying was to my mother when I was about four. When she discovered I had lied, she cried. Naturally, I have been haunted by this treacherous moment ever since and the guilt carried forth from it is responsible for everything that is wrong with me to this very day. You could look it up. It’s on St. Peter’s Book of Skeebers: Page One.
I don’t get paid to lie and don’t have a job that requires it, so I don’t have to resort to it very often. Usually, it’s reserved for social situations where you meet some people and you can’t just hold your nose and go “Peeewwww!” So you give them the old PHONY SMILE. Which is a passive aggressive form of lying.
Quite a few non-extremely wealthy people, for reasons that escape me, have managed to turn themselves into pathological liars. The blogosphere is teeming with these unhealthy typos. None of them post on this blog, thankfully. Well, there might be one. I have not yet exposed this person, but if things continue to be dull as hell vis a vis football news, maybe I will. Just for fun. Or maybe someone else will, which would be even funner.
The problem with being an ordinary liar, instead of a highly paid professional liar, is that the lies tend to catch up with you and the shit hits your fan. Professional liars can get caught lying and merely hire someone else to expose worse things about the person or entity that caught them lying, thereby re-directing the attention away from their exposed lie and onto the exposer’s credibility, eventually creating a situation where nobody knows what the eff is going on. Sometimes people euphemistically refer to this type of thing as The Government.
At any rate, that’s enough about Kevin Burnett for today. Thanks for mouthing off, Kevin. The check is in the mail. [he’s lying. he doesn’t have a checkbook.]