This is the time of year that all kinds of folks like to make predictions about how many wins and losses teams will have, and which teams will go to the playoffs and win the Super Bowl. Some of these people are even experts! It has never been disclosed what exactly entitles them to claim expertise, especially without a legitimate fortune teller’s license, so I’ve just assumed that what they are experts at is feeding baloney to people who will eat anything.
Our blogosphere has many of these indiscriminate eaters, so maybe these baloney sellers are onto something. There was probably a class I missed in school somewhere along the way where selling baloney was explained. Looking around at the world, it certainly seems that selling baloney is about the most popular and lucrative way to make a living, and eating it is the easiest way to squander that living.
This would explain why I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why people would want to waste their lives selling baloney or eating it. I could name names of some of the most notorious baloney sellers and eaters, but then I wouldn’t have hardly any friends. Which reminds me that I already have hardly any friends, so I must have been gagging over the baloney a little more obviously than I thought I was. Or maybe I’m just a jerk, like my first girl friend said as she was leaving our friendship.
The biggest baloney sellers in the world are clearly politicians. And the biggest baloney eaters, by no coincidence, are the people who eat the baloney the politicians sell, although the fast food industry of sellers and swallowers might argue. But you can look at every segment of life and pretty much it will break down into baloney sellers and baloney eaters, or markets as the sellers like to euphemistically term the gobblers.
There are even baloney sellers who make a living analyzing baloney and baloney eaters who go to them to get their baloney categorized. These two entities are called “shrinks” and “clients” or, in severe cases, “patients.” Sometimes they are called “color commentators.”
Regarding football, the most severe baloney sellers are called “Insiders.” It’s all the rage these days to claim insidership. ESPN even charges money for membership in insidersville. Once you’ve paid the entry fee, you can read articles by people who can talk on the phone with a head coach or a “trusted source” and write articles that are pure baloney that used to be called gossip. Gossip was too associated with women and quilting parties, however, so it was renamed to Insider Rumors. Rumors come from a mill, where men do mean, thankless work, which is much more like what football players do, unless they are kickers or 3rd string QBs.
The most famous football baloney heaver might possibly be Peter King. This portly nincompoop is regarded as charming and he spreads a lot of rumors that are rarely true, even though he always assures everyone they are gospel and can be taken to the bank which will happily take your money and probably give him a cut of it. He also finished 70th and dead last in a rating of the accuracy of journalistic guys who make predictions, proving he is never right about anything — except how many copies of his book, The Ingredients of Signature Baloney, have sold that very minute.
Once you have gotten rumors from insiders you can spread them on blogs and get people to argue about them as though they were real events that somehow have more significance than actual real events, which won’t be occurring until next Monday. Fascinating stuff, this baloney system.
At any rate, today’s post features, you guessed it, my first annual Baloney Predictions for the 2010 NFC West.
11-5, 7-9, 6-10, and 4-12.
Tune in next year when I will either deny making these predictions, or crow about my clairvoyance. You know, sell some baloney!