The first exhibition game is in the books. Ready to be moved to the basement. Next to the boiler. Ready for the winter fires.
Just kidding. Nobody has books anymore, or boilers, for that matter. Except in movies where mob guys incinerate the remains of their enemies.
Mob guys don’t have much accidental charm anymore, either. Today we have cartels. Faceless thugs dealing drugs. They might as well be government agents. For all we know, maybe they are. They don’t make people disappear or wear cement shoes on the ocean floor. No, these bums cut off your head and roll it down the street to thump their chests.
Drawing attention to yourself is very popular in football, too. Guy gains three yards off tackle, down 30 in the fourth quarter, and immediately hot dogs around like a baboon, hoping to draw the eye of the camera. I’m not sure when acting like a fool on TV became so popular. They even have shows that insult your existence before you even come on stage. “Who’s the Ugliest?” “Who’s the Dumbest?” And people line up to willingly compete.
The choreographed TD celebrations are the worst. It’s amazing that so many guys can actually spend time rehearsing something that is so staggeringly lame. It’s like they want the world to nod and go, “Yeah, they’re right. Football players are realllllllllllly stupid.”
The 49ers had six guys get injured in the first game. Supposedly, they’ll be ready to return by the first regular season game. That’s good news since it’s six guys we don’t have to worry about them getting injured during the rest of training camp and preseason.
But, hey, we don’t watch them for their brains. The past three years, we haven’t watched them for their football talents, either. Nothing will change about that until the season starts and the wins come along or not.