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49ers 25, Ravens 20

In a battle of bleeding franchises, the 49ers leaked less than the Ravens Sunday, stopping their four game losing streak and notching their second win of the 2015 season. With the loss, the Ravens put themselves in contention for a

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Can Anybody Play This Game?

June is here, which means three more months until the grand opening of The Return to Mediocrity Era. Featuring an ever evolving cast of entirely forgettable coaches and players. Hip hip kerplunk! Today, we’ll look at the 2012 Draft class,

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Hyper Kiper Time

The 2015 Schedule was released last Tuesday night. It looks like the only thing standing in the way of a perfect 0-8 start is the pesky opening game versus Minnesota. Even if the 49ers win that game — and they

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Posted in Draft Board

April Daze

There’s been a lot of quotes from Anquan Boldin recently. Apparently, he’s appointed himself team spokesperson, in lieu of anyone else filling that role. On Friday, however, the 49ers trotted out Colin Kaepernick, Jim Tomsula, Vernon Davis, and Antoine Bethea

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Posted in Angst 101

The Enabler

New HC Jim Tomsula has stated that he won’t be involved in the offense or the defense this coming year, he’ll just be an “enabler.” Very clever. He can’t be blamed for a lousy O or a lousy D. I

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Posted in Tuesday Morning Waterboy

Baalke’s Decade

With the departures of Patrick Willis, Ray McDonald, Michael Crabtree, and Frank Gore, the Mike Nolan/Scot McCloughan draft era is just about wrapped up. There are only two guys left: Joe Staley and Vernon Davis. And only one FA signing

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Baalkan Island

For the next two months, it will be GM Trent Baalke‘s turn to show us what he can do. Free agency begins in two weeks, followed by the draft in late April. Everyone seems to be clamoring for a fast

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Farewell Parties

Just over three weeks until the start of Free Agency. Hopefully, that will give the 49ers’ FO enough time to finish assembling an entire coaching staff, or at least parading them out there in a formal introduction. But, maybe Jim

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Scraping the Barrel

Jed York took a weekend break from his whirlwind tour of beaming like a dunce while trying to sell Jim Tomsula to a highly skeptical world. Too bad. The laughter was just starting to make me forget how screwed the

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

State of the Disunion

Everybody in the world seems to assume Jim Harbaugh will not return for a fifth year as 49er HC. If that’s because he wants to leave, then so be it. It’s his life, he can do what he wants. However,

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Posted in FOS Speculation

49ers 17, Washington 13

The 49ers pulled another game out of their rear ends Sunday afternoon, stunning the disinterested Santa Clara minglers by scoring their first fourth quarter TD of the year! and oozing out a late victory. After falling behind 13-10, old guy

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Bourbon Street Blues

What a depressing week. Losing to the Rams, at home, is always depressing, but this time it was also embarrassing. The loss to a team that had no business even being in the game set off tremors to the franchise.

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Posted in Game Previews

Rams 13, 49ers 10

What a pathetic game. If Charles Haley was still on the team, he’d have torn up that brand new, state-of-the-art, comfy ass locker room in Santa Clara after this one. The Rams deserved to win the game, but they didn’t

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Broncos 42, 49ers 17

I haven’t turned off a 49er game in the third quarter since probably as far back as the Mike Nolan era, but this puppy was going nowhere fast and when Colin Kaepernick tossed an interception and the Broncos immediately cashed

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 31, Rams 17

For the third straight game, the 49ers dug themselves into a 14 point hole, then methodically clawed their way out and won. This time, they were down 14-0 after the first quarter and looked to be heading into the half

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Changing of the Guard

By all accounts, Aldon Smith is having a superman TC so far. That’s the good news. The bad news is multiple reports are predicting a six to eight game suspension for the 2014 season. The silver lining news is that

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

The Church of Football Is Open

The players are back, the pads go on tomorrow, and in less than two weeks we’ll be watching a real fake football game. The final score doesn’t matter in these fake games, so they serve mainly as a warning to

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Posted in Training Camp

Summer Wind

OTAs and minicamp have ended. The players now have five weeks or so of dangerous freedom before the start of Training Camp. Plenty of time to do something insane, like hoisting a huge party, shooting assault rifles from your roof

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Hick Cups

We’re in the midst of a sporting drought. The Red Sox flicked aside the Cardinals in last fall’s World Series, the Seahawks blew out the Broncos, the Spurs humbled the Heat, the Kings wiped out the Rangers, and the U.S.

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Glass Houses

It’s a good thing the NBA playoffs will be over soon, and not just for the usual reason of taking up space in the sports world. The recently deposed ruler of the Clippers, Donald Sterling, has hired 4 Private Eye

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Dumb Guy Gazette

It’s been 20 years since the 49ers last won a Super Bowl. During that time of failure and boredom, all of us have gone from young dumb guys to old dumb guys. If they go another 20 without one, some

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Posted in FOS Speculation

OTA Lift Off

The news out of camp from the year’s first OTA practices was mostly good. The best news was Michael Crabtree has not yet broken or maimed any part of his tootsies. In five years, he’s only started a season healthy

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Posted in Mindless Drivel
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs. Carolina, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 17: at Seattle, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams, 5:25 p.m.
Oct. 1: at Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis, 10 a.m.
Oct. 15: at Washington, 10 a.m.
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2016 Prognostications
Closest To The Pin
  Grumpy: 3-13
  Spitblood: 3-13
  Winder: 3-13
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10

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