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Cowboys 24, 49ers 17

For one shining quarter, the Chip Kelly offense lived up to its hype. The 49ers roared out to a 14-0 lead, scoring their second TD one minute into the second quarter. From there on out, it was Cowboys 24 and

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Lame Owners’ Bowl

The Jeckyll and Hyde 49ers return home this weekend to play the Cowboys, hoping the Doctor is in and not the other guy. The howls have already begun to yank Blaine Gabbert and try one of the other bust QBs

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Posted in Game Previews

Seahawks 37, 49ers 18

The Seahawks hadn’t scored a touchdown in their first two games of the season, but it only took three plays and 43 seconds to remedy that ailment against the inept 49ers Sunday in Seattle. They added three more, tossed in

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Panthers 46, 49ers 27

The 49ers dusted off the old rope-a-dope strategy Sunday versus Carolina by lulling the Panthers to sleep with an endless stream of three and out punts, counting on the Panthers to get careless with the ball. It worked! They got

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Disarray Juggernaut

The Santa Clara 49ers. Bwaaaaahaaaahaaa!! Wow. What a mess these clowns have become. Is this a football franchise or a sensitivity session for late bloomers discovering their “blackness,” complete with throw back ’70’s afros to help sell the sincerity? Maybe

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

The Hour of the Turk Draws Near

One last practice game Thursday night before the Santa Clara Titanic sets off on its 2016 cruise. It might also be the last game of Colin Kaepernick‘s NFL career. The game against San Diego will be played mainly by members

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Posted in Exhibition Season

Return of the Prodigal Son

One more preseason game before we can forget about preseason games even though there will be one more preseason game to endure. Friday’s game against the Packers is mainly meaningful because it will mark the first time since the middle

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Posted in Exhibition Season

Coming Attractions

Two more weeks and this long, dreary offseason will end. Hallelujah! Or, as they say in the cartoon world, “Hot d-d-diggedy d-d-dog!” Some of you might not be feeling elated about the coming season. Condolences. It’s true the 49ers are

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Up the Down Staircase

The 49ers currently have 39 players on the squad that were selected from the 2013 – 2016 drafts. NaVorro Bowman is the only guy left from the 2010 draft. Nobody left from 2008, 2009, and 2012. Only Colin Kaepernick, Daniel

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Tortoise vs Hare Redux

While the Seahawks, Cardinals, and Rams duke it out this year for NFC West supremacy, the 49ers will be involved in a whole different kind of competition. Two in fact. For one. they’ll be competing for the Number One pick

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Long Odds

Your faithful scribe has been offline for a couple of weeks. In my absence, the 49ers have apparently been flying under the radar also, content to remain inconspicuous while the Warriors, Sharks, and Giants capture the attention of the Bay

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

He Gotta Be He

OTAs begin this week. Unless they were last week and I missed them. Just to be fair and cover my bases, I’ll miss them this week, too. Everyone is talking about Chip Kelly and his “system” these days. A couple

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

Chips Ahoy

We’re half way through the offseason, GM Trent Baalke has left the stage, and from here on out it’s the Chip Kelly show. That’s fine. We can get our teeth into Kelly. His results will be immediately evident from the

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Posted in FOS Speculation

2016 Draft

GM Trent Baalke departed from form on Thursday’s first round by actually drafting players the 49ers need, instead of his usual BPA blather. Zounds! That was in the first round. Two guys (DeForest Buckner, Joshua Garnett) who must be starters

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Posted in Draft Board

The Banjo Hitter as GM

Wow. The Draft. Is there any way we can outsource this thing? It’s worse than the Super Bowl hype week. It’s on every channel. Every talk show. Every blog. Endless mocks. Endless endlessness. Help!! Don’t get me wrong. The draft

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Posted in Draft Board

Move Along, Nothing To See Here

It’s been a quiet offseason for the 49ers so far. Nobody has been arrested for anything or made the news for bad behavior. The team is now both mediocre and boring. This deadly dynamic could change in a couple of

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Posted in Draft Board

Opening Bell

The Chip Kelly era officially began Monday morning when the team gathered in Santa Clara for the first offseason workouts and team meetings. The prelude to the era revealed that Kelly belongs to the school of coaches who deal with

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

The Bust Maker

The 49ers haven’t come right out and admitted it, but their inactions during the Free Agency period have made it clear they have no intention of trying to be competitive this year. They are not even faking it. The 2016

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Standing Pat

Two weeks into the FA period, it looks like GM Trent Baalke has concluded that last year’s 5-11 record wasn’t the least bit his fault. No, the roster’s fine. The record was all the fault of Jim Tomsula and Colin

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Late to the Party

The first week of Free (but expensive) Agency roared fat over the middle of the plate and 49er GM Trent Baalke didn’t even take the bat off his shoulder. Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeerike One! Most of the good teams in the league didn’t

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Fat Wallet Waltz

Wednesday begins a new NFL year and all across the land billionaire owners will be redistributing their wealth to a few lucky players who probably won’t come near living up to the cost of doing business with them. The 49ers

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Posted in Angst 101

Tour de Farce

Chip Kelly got a whirlwind tour of the 49ers’ dysfunctional front office last week. First, the 49ers went public with how excited they were to have Colin Kaepernick on the roster come April 1. Kaepernick’s agents then went public with

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Posted in FOS Speculation
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs Carolina: L 3-23
Sept. 17: at Seattle: 9-12
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams: L 39-41
Oct. 1: at Arizona: L 15-18
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis: L 23-26
Oct. 15: at Washington: L 24-26
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas: L 10-40
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia: L 10-33
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona: L 10-20
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants: W 31-21
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2017 Prognostications
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 9-7
Grumpy: 4-12
Mr Fletch: 5-11
NJ49er: 6-10
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 5-11
Skeebers: 6-10
Winder: 4-12

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