Blog Archives

49ers 9, Washington 0

As noted by our astute commenters, sometimes ugly can be beautiful, and this game truly was. Probably the most gorgeous ugly victory of the year. Washington conjured up a squall for this game, which tilted the odds their way since

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 26, Seahawks 23

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit! After ten straight thumpings, the 49ers finally rose up and smote down the Seattle effing Seahawks. I’m still pinching myself, Shirley. Sunday’s victory was the biggest win of the Kyle Shanahan era

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Seahawks 43, 49ers 16

The 49ers rolled up nearly 500 yards of offense in Seattle on Sunday and … got beat by four touchdowns! If you throw out the losing part, and the 98 yard pick six by Bobby Wagner, and the fumble at the

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Bend Over, Here It Comes Again

The 49ers make their annual trek to Seattle this weekend for their annual trouncing by the Seahawks. This will be the seventh consecutive year of embarrassment and futility up north. At the beginning of the season, it looked like things

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Posted in Game Previews

As the Alex Turns

The first week of the 2018 offseason has passed quietly into history, taking with it all the nothingness of its existence. Although, to be fair, 1,063,462 persons around the globe croaked last week, so perhaps the week has significance to

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Seahawks 12, 49ers 9

The earth shook. The mountains trembled. Zeus fondled his lightning bolt. Time stood still. And there it was. With eleven minutes left in the 4th quarter in Seattle, the 49ers took a 9-6 lead. Zounds! Then Russell Wilson said, “Screw

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Coming Attractions

The 49ers have not had a franchise QB since Steve Young was knocked out of the NFL by Aeneas Williams at Arizona in 1999. They won’t have one this year, either. Making it 19 straight years with a deficiency at

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Posted in FOS Speculation

And the Least Shall Be Last

The 49ers and Cardinals meet tonight in a battle for the basement in the NFC West. That the Niners are engaged in this sort of tawdry affair is no surprise, but Arizona has been a surprise disappointment thus far in

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Posted in Game Previews

Dink and Dunker Special

The 49ers haven’t won a game in Seattle since the 2011 season. They swept the Seahawks that year, split with them the next two years, and were skunked in 2014 and 2015. Still, our boys have a golden opportunity to

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Posted in Game Previews

Trivial Pursuits

The AFC SB contestants are a never ending parade of Peyton Manning teams, Tom Brady, and Ben Roethlisberger, with a one year fluke appearances by Joe Flacco, Trent Dilfer, and Rich Gannon. Going on 16 years now. Just those 3.03

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Posted in Delusional Therapy

Seahawks 29, 49ers 13

The 49ers kept their road record perfect on Sunday in Seattle, losing 29-13 for their fifth consecutive road loss. Once again, it was the defense that led the way to defeat as Seahawks backup RB Thomas Rawls bulled through them

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Seahawks 20, 49ers 3

The San Francisco 49ers’ two game flirtation as a bona fide NFL entity came to a screeching halt Thursday night as the Seattle Seahawks pounded them into oblivion, ravaged their village, stole their manhood, ran off with their wives, and

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Big Ass Parade

49er QB Colin Kaepernick laid a huge ass egg last Sunday in Arizona. He’s taken a big ass beating from the press all week because of it. An agonizing event like that can break a guy. Or it can be

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Posted in Game Previews

Jed York Sucks

The long offseason begins. Seeing Russell Wilson and the Seahawks discover Sunday that they were not an invincible force was a pleasant send off to the 2014 year. There’s nothing sweeter than seeing a bunch of crass and arrogant blowhards

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Posted in Vulcan Mind Probes

Fools Rush In

The 49ers are in a pickle. Or at least us fans are. The team is run by an insecure boy owner trying to fill his Uncle Eddie’s shoes and an insecure GM trying to prove he deserves the job for

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

Unclean Hands

Easter has come and gone and all across the country, Christians are resuming their sinful ways. Heathens are presumably just facing yet another week on the road to hell, no different than any other wicked and empty set of days.

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Posted in Lunatic Ravings

Dumpster Diving

The 49ers have been shopping for WRs and CBs the past few days without much success. Apparently, WRs aren’t particularly enchanted about being the 3rd WR on a team that hardly ever uses more than two. This might put a

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Strategic Failure

Draft guru Mike Mayock has pronounced this the deepest NFL draft he’s seen in ten years. We’ll presume, for the sake of argument, that Mr. Mayock’s eyesight has gotten a recent approval from his optometrist and that his basement houses

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Posted in Delusional Therapy

Bystander Blues

I’ll be rooting for Denver in Sunday’s Super Bowl. Mostly because I despise the Seahawks. I’d like to see them beaten, and embarrassed would be even better. Tawdry, perhaps, but true. But the fate of the Seahawks casts a shadow

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Seahawks 23, 49ers 17

It was a one man show in Seattle Sunday night — for the 49ers, at least. Colin Kaepernick single handedly kept the team in the game with his 130 yards of running until the fourth quarter, then he single handedly

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Tough Guys Don’t Dance

The 49ers have generously added yet another game for our viewing pleasure this year with their victory over the Panthers. This will be the third straight year the team has advanced to the NFC Championship Game. Bravo lads! Has it

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Posted in Game Previews

Quarterfinal Weekend

Cam Newton vs Colin Kaepernick. Tom Brady vs Andrew Luck. Peyton Manning vs Phillip Rivers. Russell Wilson vs Drew Brees. Wow. The Divisional Quarterfinals looks like a Home Run Derby of QBs. The AFC matchups don’t figure to lend much

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Posted in Game Previews
2019 Schedule
9-8: W 49ers 31, Buccaneers 17
9-15: W 49ers 41,Bengals 17
9-22: W 49ers 24, Steelers 20
9-29: BYE

10-7: W 49ers 31, Browns 3
10-13: W 49ers 20, Rams 7
10-20: W 49ers 9, Washington 0
10-27: vs. Carolina Panthers, 1:05pm
10-31: @ Arizona Cardinals, 5:20pm

11-11: vs. Seattle Seahawks, 5:15pm
11-17: vs. Arizona Cardinals, 1:05pm
11-24: vs. Green Bay Packers, 1:25pm

12-1: @ Baltimore Ravens, 10am
12-8: @ New Orleans Saints, 10am
12-15: vs. Atlanta Falcons, 1:25pm
12-21 or 12-22: vs. Los Angeles Rams
12-29: @ Seattle Seahawks, 1:25pm

2019 Draft Class
1. DE Nick Bosa, Ohio State
2. WR Deebo Samuel, South Carolina
3. WR Jalen Hurd, Baylor
4. P Mitch Wishnowsky, Utah
5. LB Dre Greenlaw, Arkansas
6. TE Kaden Smith, Stanford
6. OT Justin Skule, Vanderbilt
6. DB Tim Harris, Virginia
 
2019 Prognostications
Bakkentom: 10-6
Bullit: 10-6
Grumpy: 9-7
Mr Fletch: 7-9
NJ49er: 7-9
Skeebers: 8-8
Winder: 7-9

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