The first week of the 2018 offseason has passed quietly into history, taking with it all the nothingness of its existence. Although, to be fair, 1,063,462 persons around the globe croaked last week, so perhaps the week has significance to…
Blog Archives
As the Alex Turns
Tagged with: 49ers, Alex Smith, Jared Goff, Jimmy Garoppolo, Kansas City Chiefs, Kirk Cousins, Patrick Mahomes, Russell Wilson
Posted in Vacant Observations
Posted in Vacant Observations
Seahawks 12, 49ers 9
The earth shook. The mountains trembled. Zeus fondled his lightning bolt. Time stood still. And there it was. With eleven minutes left in the 4th quarter in Seattle, the 49ers took a 9-6 lead. Zounds! Then Russell Wilson said, “Screw…
Tagged with: 49ers, Brian Hoyer, Jim Harbaugh, Kyle Shanahan, Russell Wilson, Seahawks, Sean McVay, Zeus
Posted in Post Game Spread
Posted in Post Game Spread
Coming Attractions
The 49ers have not had a franchise QB since Steve Young was knocked out of the NFL by Aeneas Williams at Arizona in 1999. They won’t have one this year, either. Making it 19 straight years with a deficiency at…
Tagged with: 49ers, Aeneas Williams, Alex Smith, Brian Hoyer, CJ Beathard, Colin Kaepernick, George Kittle, Jeff Garcia, Joe Montana, Joe Williams, John Lynch, Kyle Shanahan, Russell Wilson, Steve Young, Trent Baalke
Posted in FOS Speculation
Posted in FOS Speculation
And the Least Shall Be Last
The 49ers and Cardinals meet tonight in a battle for the basement in the NFC West. That the Niners are engaged in this sort of tawdry affair is no surprise, but Arizona has been a surprise disappointment thus far in…
Tagged with: 49ers, Arik Armstead, Bruce Arians, Cardinals, Carlos Hyde, Carson Palmer, Dak Prescott, Deforest Buckner, Drew Stanton, Glenn Dorsey, Jake Delhomme, Jim Mora, Navorro Bowman, Quinton Dial, Russell Wilson, Trent Baalke
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
Dink and Dunker Special
The 49ers haven’t won a game in Seattle since the 2011 season. They swept the Seahawks that year, split with them the next two years, and were skunked in 2014 and 2015. Still, our boys have a golden opportunity to…
Tagged with: 49ers, Ahmad Brooks, Cam Newton, Christine Michael, Marshawn Lynch, Russell Wilson, Seattle Seahawks
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
Trivial Pursuits
The AFC SB contestants are a never ending parade of Peyton Manning teams, Tom Brady, and Ben Roethlisberger, with a one year fluke appearances by Joe Flacco, Trent Dilfer, and Rich Gannon. Going on 16 years now. Just those 3.03…
Tagged with: 49ers, Aaron Rodgers, Ben Roethlisberger, Brad Johnson, Cam Newton, Chip Kelly, Colin Kapernick, Donovan McNabb, Drew Brees, Eli Manning, Jake Delhomme, Jed York, Jim Harbaugh, Jim Tomsula, Joe Flacco, Kerry Collins, Kurt Warner, Matt Hasselbeck, Peyton Manning, Rex Grossman, Rich Gannon, Russell Wilson, Scot McCloughan, Tom Brady, Trent Baalke, Trent Dilfer
Posted in Delusional Therapy
Posted in Delusional Therapy
Seahawks 29, 49ers 13
The 49ers kept their road record perfect on Sunday in Seattle, losing 29-13 for their fifth consecutive road loss. Once again, it was the defense that led the way to defeat as Seahawks backup RB Thomas Rawls bulled through them…
Tagged with: Blaine Gabbert, Colin Kaepernick, Jed York, Jim Harbaugh, Jim Tomsula, Mike Nolan, Mike Singletary, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, Thomas Rawls, Trent Baalke, Vance McDonald
Posted in Post Game Spread
Posted in Post Game Spread
Seahawks 20, 49ers 3
The San Francisco 49ers’ two game flirtation as a bona fide NFL entity came to a screeching halt Thursday night as the Seattle Seahawks pounded them into oblivion, ravaged their village, stole their manhood, ran off with their wives, and…
Tagged with: Bill Parcells, Colin Kaepernick, Jed York, Jim Tomsula, Marshawn Lynch, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, Trent Baalke
Posted in Post Game Spread
Posted in Post Game Spread
Big Ass Parade
49er QB Colin Kaepernick laid a huge ass egg last Sunday in Arizona. He’s taken a big ass beating from the press all week because of it. An agonizing event like that can break a guy. Or it can be…
Tagged with: 49ers, Ahmad Brooks, Arizona Cardinals, Colin Kaepernick, Eric Mangini, Green Bay Packers, Jim Tomsula, Larry Fitzgerald, Navorro Bowman, Reggie Bush, Russell Wilson
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
Jed York Sucks
The long offseason begins. Seeing Russell Wilson and the Seahawks discover Sunday that they were not an invincible force was a pleasant send off to the 2014 year. There’s nothing sweeter than seeing a bunch of crass and arrogant blowhards…
Tagged with: Art Rooney, Greg Roman, Jed York, Jerry Jones, Jim Harbaugh, Jim Irsay, Jim Tomsula, Robert Kraft, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Trent Baalke
Posted in Vulcan Mind Probes
Posted in Vulcan Mind Probes
Fools Rush In
The 49ers are in a pickle. Or at least us fans are. The team is run by an insecure boy owner trying to fill his Uncle Eddie’s shoes and an insecure GM trying to prove he deserves the job for…
Tagged with: Adam Gase, Bobby Wagner, Dan Quinn, Darrell Bevell, Drew Brees, Gus Bradley, Jed York, Jim Harbaugh, Jim Tomsula, Josh McDaniels, Kyle Shanahan, Marshawn Lynch, Pete Carmichael, Rex Ryan, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Scot McCloughan, Sean Payton, Todd Bowles, Tom Brady, Trent Baalke, Vic Fangio
Posted in The Usual Suspects
Posted in The Usual Suspects
Unclean Hands
Easter has come and gone and all across the country, Christians are resuming their sinful ways. Heathens are presumably just facing yet another week on the road to hell, no different than any other wicked and empty set of days.…
Tagged with: Aldon Smith, Andrew Luck, Chris Culliver, Colin Kaepernick, Jadeveon Clowney, Mario Williams, Pete Carroll, Peyton Manning, Quinton Patton, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers
Posted in Lunatic Ravings
Posted in Lunatic Ravings
Dumpster Diving
The 49ers have been shopping for WRs and CBs the past few days without much success. Apparently, WRs aren’t particularly enchanted about being the 3rd WR on a team that hardly ever uses more than two. This might put a…
Tagged with: Blaine Gabbert, Bo Jackson, Chris Cook, Colin Kaepernick, Deion Sanders, Eric Wright, Jonathan Martin, Mario Manningham, Michael Jordan, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Steve Smith
Posted in Waltzing Matilda
Posted in Waltzing Matilda
Strategic Failure
Draft guru Mike Mayock has pronounced this the deepest NFL draft he’s seen in ten years. We’ll presume, for the sake of argument, that Mr. Mayock’s eyesight has gotten a recent approval from his optometrist and that his basement houses…
Tagged with: Colin Kaepernick, Eric Reid, Joe Staley, Mike Mayock, Peyton Manning, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Trent Baalke
Posted in Delusional Therapy
Posted in Delusional Therapy
Bystander Blues
I’ll be rooting for Denver in Sunday’s Super Bowl. Mostly because I despise the Seahawks. I’d like to see them beaten, and embarrassed would be even better. Tawdry, perhaps, but true. But the fate of the Seahawks casts a shadow…
Tagged with: Alex Smith, Colin Kaepernick, Denver Broncos, Peyton Manning, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Scott McCloughan, Seattle Seahawks, Tony Romo
Posted in FOS Speculation
Posted in FOS Speculation
Seahawks 23, 49ers 17
It was a one man show in Seattle Sunday night — for the 49ers, at least. Colin Kaepernick single handedly kept the team in the game with his 130 yards of running until the fourth quarter, then he single handedly…
Tough Guys Don’t Dance
The 49ers have generously added yet another game for our viewing pleasure this year with their victory over the Panthers. This will be the third straight year the team has advanced to the NFC Championship Game. Bravo lads! Has it…
Quarterfinal Weekend
Cam Newton vs Colin Kaepernick. Tom Brady vs Andrew Luck. Peyton Manning vs Phillip Rivers. Russell Wilson vs Drew Brees. Wow. The Divisional Quarterfinals looks like a Home Run Derby of QBs. The AFC matchups don’t figure to lend much…
Tagged with: Aaron Rodgers, Andrew Luck, Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers, Colin Kaepernick, Denver Broncos, Drew Brees, Eli Manning, Indianapolis Colts, Jim Harbaugh, Matt Ryan, Michael Crabtree, New England Patriots, Nick Foles, Peyton Manning, Phillip Rivers, Russell Wilson, San Diego Chargers, San Franicsco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, Tom Brady, Vernon Davis
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
On The Road
Welcome to 2014, fellow Outsiders! We are now in the sudden death time of year. Each 49er game might be the last we see them until next August. Scary. It’s also 0-0 time and any team can catch fire, luck,…
Tagged with: Aaron Rodgers, Alex Smith, Andrew Luck, Andy Dalton, Cam Newton, Clay Matthews, Colin Kaepernick, Drew Brees, Green Bay Packers, Joe Flacco, Joe Staley, Nick Foles, Peyton Manning, Philip Rivers, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Tom Brady
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
Scoreboard Watchers Weekend
Last week of the 2013 season. Green Bay at Chicago for the NFC North title. Philadelphia at Dallas for the NFC East title. Saints are win-and-in versus Tampa Bay. Carolina and Seattle could both win their divisions and get the…
Tagged with: Aaron Rodgers, Arizona Cardinals, Bruce Arians, Calais Campbell, Chip Kelly, Colin Kaepernick, Jim Harbaugh, Kyle Orton, LeSean McCoy, Michael Crabtree, Navorro Bowman, Patrick Peterson, Patrick Willis, Roger Goodell, Russell Wilson, San Francisco 49ers, Tim Tebow, Tony Romo
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
49ers 19, Seahawks 17
I slept pretty good last night. I wasn’t haunted by visions of that evil bastard Pete Carroll grinning and gloating all the way back to Seattle. Instead, he and his team flew home feeling dented. Not nearly so dominant as…
Panthers 10, 49ers 9
For the second time this year, a frisky young team came into Candlestick and used the 49ers as a launching pad into NFL respectability. First it was the Colts, who used their offense to bowl us over. Then Sunday, the…