Blog Archives

Job Listings

Only three more weeks before the bill starts coming due on Jed York‘s offseason catastrophe. Currently, there are four jobs up for grabs as we head into Training Camp: LDE, RCB, RG, and slot CB. The LDE winner will be

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Posted in Training Camp

Can Anybody Play This Game?

June is here, which means three more months until the grand opening of The Return to Mediocrity Era. Featuring an ever evolving cast of entirely forgettable coaches and players. Hip hip kerplunk! Today, we’ll look at the 2012 Draft class,

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Forward to the Past

The marketing wing at 4949 Centennial Blvd. has officially scrapped the “Quest for Six” slogan and replaced it with “Hooray, We Suck” banners for the 2015 season. Santa Clara tax dollars at work. The 49ers will be holding a rookie

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

49er 2015 Draft Recap

The results are in and we now know the names of the ten players who will waste their first year in the NFL learning schemes and systems from lousy coaches who will be fired in a year or two. Enjoy

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Posted in Draft Reaction

Baalke’s Decade

With the departures of Patrick Willis, Ray McDonald, Michael Crabtree, and Frank Gore, the Mike Nolan/Scot McCloughan draft era is just about wrapped up. There are only two guys left: Joe Staley and Vernon Davis. And only one FA signing

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Coming Attractions

It’s been one week since the free agency period started, yet just about all the big names are already off the market. That wasn’t very exciting. It also means there won’t be much happening between now and the end of

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

March of Many Dimes

The 2015 Free Agent market opens for business on Tuesday at 1:00pm PST, as well as the new NFL year. Bear in mind, Seattle still lost the Super Bowl to end the 2014 season and the jeering period has not

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

Scraping the Barrel

Jed York took a weekend break from his whirlwind tour of beaming like a dunce while trying to sell Jim Tomsula to a highly skeptical world. Too bad. The laughter was just starting to make me forget how screwed the

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

49ers 17, Washington 13

The 49ers pulled another game out of their rear ends Sunday afternoon, stunning the disinterested Santa Clara minglers by scoring their first fourth quarter TD of the year! and oozing out a late victory. After falling behind 13-10, old guy

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Halfway House

How nice of the NFL to give the Niners a BYE week so the Bay Area can concentrate on rooting for the Giants to win the World Series. It’s been a strange beginning to the 2014 season. The new stadium

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

Identity Crisis

Sunday’s game against Arizona is a key division game, but it’s also a key game for another reason. Colin Kaepernick has had two melt down games in his past three starts. Another one this Sunday would rattle the foundations of

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Posted in Game Previews

Showtime!

The NFL schedule makers have given the 49ers a wonderful way to start the 2014 season. A short trip to Texas for a humiliating butt kicking of the Dallas Cowboys. SF has gone to three straight NFC Title games and

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Posted in Game Previews

Place Your Bets

The exhibition games have concluded and we blognoscenti now have all the evidence we’re going to get about what kind of 49er team to expect in 2014. Ergo, it’s time for the annual crystal ball efforts. Roll the old orb

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Changing of the Guard

By all accounts, Aldon Smith is having a superman TC so far. That’s the good news. The bad news is multiple reports are predicting a six to eight game suspension for the 2014 season. The silver lining news is that

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

49ers 23, Packers 20

The San Francisco 49ers survived a nail-biter at Lambeau Sunday night, beating the Green Bay Packers 23-20 on a game ending field goal by ex-Browns kicker Phil Dawson, the exact same score of the previous game against Arizona. The mighty

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Sgt. Pepper vs the Blue Meanies

The Richter Scale crowds in Seattle are making a mockery of competitive fairness in the NFL. It’s one thing for the home crowd to make it difficult for an opposing offense to operate, but quite another to make it flat

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Posted in Game Previews

Caveman vs the Archer

Here we are again. Traveling to New Orleans for what seems like our annual game against the Saints. As usual, the 49ers will not be favored to win. They won last year’s game handily, in the game that cemented Colin

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Posted in Game Previews

Panthers 10, 49ers 9

For the second time this year, a frisky young team came into Candlestick and used the 49ers as a launching pad into NFL respectability. First it was the Colts, who used their offense to bowl us over. Then Sunday, the

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Alas, Poor Yorick

Watching former 49er head coach Mike Nolan’s Atlanta defense get shredded Monday night by the Jets(!) and failing to protect the lead in the last two minutes of the game was a painful reminder that it was not so long

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Posted in Vacant Observations

49ers 34, Texans 3

Houston quarterback Matt Schaub led the 49ers to a 34-3 trouncing of his very own self Sunday night, throwing three interceptions, one of which was a record setting fourth straight game with a pick six. CB Tramaine Brock was the

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Morning After Pill

Seattle proved Sunday night that they have the loudest bunch of drunks in the world. Their football team, however, has yet to prove they are even a .500 club away from home. They weren’t last year, going 3-5 on the

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Posted in Delusional Therapy

Bargain Hunting

The 2013 offseason has been a bit of a yawner so far. Not that we expected much more. When you have fourteen draft picks, it’s pretty obvious where the mustard will be squoozed this year. Getting Anquan Boldin for virtually

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Posted in FOS Speculation
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs Carolina: L 3-23
Sept. 17: at Seattle: 9-12
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams: L 39-41
Oct. 1: at Arizona: L 15-18
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis: L 23-26
Oct. 15: at Washington: L 24-26
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2017 Prognostications
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 9-7
Grumpy: 4-12
Mr Fletch: 5-11
NJ49er: 6-10
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 5-11
Skeebers: 6-10
Winder: 4-12

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