Blog Archives

Baalkan Island

For the next two months, it will be GM Trent Baalke‘s turn to show us what he can do. Free agency begins in two weeks, followed by the draft in late April. Everyone seems to be clamoring for a fast

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Pom Pom Fever

There was a lot of excitement for Jim Harbaugh‘s first season as the 49er HC, but it was muted somewhat by the shortened Training Camp, due to the long battle over the new CBA, which lowered hopes for what he

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Posted in Delusional Therapy

Plenty of Nothing

Four weeks into Free Agency and the 49ers have done just about nothing, except re-signing some of their own players and picking up some table scraps from other teams. The only FA starter signed was SS Antoine Bethea. He replaced

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

New World Order

It’s Super Bowl week. I hated it last year, when it was all about the 49ers, so there’s no way in hell it will be enjoyable this year when it focuses on the Douchebags of the Northwest. If there’s another

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Lip O Suck Shun

Easter has come and gone, and those of you who attempt to give devout behavior at least a smidgeon of your attention can now ease back into your wicked and sinful ways. Those of you who are devoutless devotees can

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

April Love

Folklore maintains that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, as the last cold blasts of winter give way to the Pat Boone days of spring. Folklore is buttressed, astrologically speaking, by the constellation of

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

Something Old, Something Flew

The first days of Free Agency were typically entertaining, and as expected, the 49ers sat out the league wide scrum. Also as expected, Dashon Goldson went trolling for dollars and wound up on the opposite coast in Tampa Bay. Delanie

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Opening Bell

I won’t lie to you, football is making a comeback in my heart strings. There’s a little humm baby thrumming in there. I swore I’d give the cold shoulder to this faithless, wanton, hussy for at least six months. Screw

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Tampering Week

The blossoms are on the trees these days, coloring up the bleak winter view, and attracting the sleek black crows to the nests of robins where they can eagerly gobble up the little robinettes, ending their poor little lives before

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

The Suck Pit

Embarking on Day Three of Coping With Tragedy. Shock, denial, anger, grief, acceptance. Blah, blah, blah. This sucks. Holy banana peels! How could we not get that ball into the stinking end zone? Then again, why not? We beat ourselves

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Super Bowl Face Plant

The 49ers gagged away their past and maybe their future Sunday night, losing disgracefully to the POS Baltimore Ravens 34-31. They were outcoached and outplayed by an inferior team in the biggest game of the year. Shameful. The 49ers had

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Wake Me When The Game Begins

The game cannot come soon enough. 100 mouths, 2,000 microphones, and still 5,000 game analyses to go before the kickoff. I put my head in the sand yesterday, but it didn’t work. There were two ostriches down there talking about

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Landslide Victory

The 49ers crushed the Arizona Cardinals 24-3 on Monday night, sending the team and its fans into the Bye week on a very happy note. As they say in the Life Duhs Anonymous meetings, two weeks of savoring always trumps

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Stinker on the Green

That was butt ugly, folks. Is it too soon to panic? The 49ers lost to the Giants 26-3, but it could have been a lot worse if the Giants hadn’t laughed their way through the fourth quarter. The game started

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Posted in Post Game Spread

The Big EC Uneasy

It’s probably safe to say we fans will not see another two game stretch of 49er football that remotely approaches the total dominance we have witnessed against the Jets and Bills. But we could find out next Sunday that a

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Demolition Crew

The San Francisco 49ers squeaked by the Buffalo Bills Sunday, edging them 45-3. This was the most balanced offensive beat down in the history of the NFL. 310 yards passing and 311 yards rushing. That is some scary shit, folks

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Pancaked!

Ouch. The 49ers put a serious man hurt on the New York Jets Sunday, steamrolling over them 34-0. It looked like a throwback game to the 1930’s as nine different runners combined for 245 in your face yards on 44

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Ooops!!!

Well, that was embarrassing. For the first time in Jim Harbaugh’s tenure as 49er Head Coach, the team did not show up ready to play and were dominated the entire game by the lowly Minnesota Vikings. This game will either

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Posted in Post Game Spread

ROOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

The NFL earth shifted on its axis Sunday afternoon. The consensus best team in the NFC was beaten at home 30-22 by the consensus last year was a fluke team. The San Francisco 49ers beat Green Bay in every phase

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Darkness at the Break of Noon

Okay, fellow blogpulsive disorders, it’s time once again for the annual NFL Reality Show predictions. Get out those chin scratchers and hmmm mullers and make a wild, hair-brained guess, gussied up as expertise. What will the 49ers’ record be for

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

For Your Eyes Only

The 49ers allowed themselves to be beaten Saturday in Houston, thus avoiding the perfect preseason jinx. The two players acquired in the offseason to provide RB depth both did their jobs by getting injured instead of our starting guys, leaving

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Thunder and Lightning

The 49ers did not unveil their super terrific, tricky and prolific passing game against the Vikings last week, and we’re not likely to see it during the remaining three exhibition games. For the past few years, the Niners have been

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Posted in Vulcan Mind Probes
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs Carolina: L 3-23
Sept. 17: at Seattle: 9-12
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams: L 39-41
Oct. 1: at Arizona: L 15-18
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis: L 23-26
Oct. 15: at Washington: L 24-26
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2017 Prognostications
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 9-7
Grumpy: 4-12
Mr Fletch: 5-11
NJ49er: 6-10
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 5-11
Skeebers: 6-10
Winder: 4-12

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