Blog Archives

Can Anybody Play This Game?

June is here, which means three more months until the grand opening of The Return to Mediocrity Era. Featuring an ever evolving cast of entirely forgettable coaches and players. Hip hip kerplunk! Today, we’ll look at the 2012 Draft class,

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Forward to the Past

The marketing wing at 4949 Centennial Blvd. has officially scrapped the “Quest for Six” slogan and replaced it with “Hooray, We Suck” banners for the 2015 season. Santa Clara tax dollars at work. The 49ers will be holding a rookie

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

Baalke’s Decade

With the departures of Patrick Willis, Ray McDonald, Michael Crabtree, and Frank Gore, the Mike Nolan/Scot McCloughan draft era is just about wrapped up. There are only two guys left: Joe Staley and Vernon Davis. And only one FA signing

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Spring Equiknocks

The 49ers hired a new head coach after the 2014 season, so they can begin their offseason workout program earlier than other more stable franchises. The first workout begins in two weeks, on April 6. It’s entirely possible that we’ll

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Hit The Road, Jack

With one week left before the start of Free Agency, the 49ers have yet to re-sign any of their soon to be unrestricted players. All of these fellows are more likely to get better offers from other teams than what

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Farewell Parties

Just over three weeks until the start of Free Agency. Hopefully, that will give the 49ers’ FO enough time to finish assembling an entire coaching staff, or at least parading them out there in a formal introduction. But, maybe Jim

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Posted in FOS Speculation

49ers 17, Washington 13

The 49ers pulled another game out of their rear ends Sunday afternoon, stunning the disinterested Santa Clara minglers by scoring their first fourth quarter TD of the year! and oozing out a late victory. After falling behind 13-10, old guy

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 16, Giants 10

It was fun watching other teams lose Sunday. The Seahawks got beat by the Chiefs, the Eagles creamed by the Packers, and the Rams wiped out Denver. It was not much fun watching the 49ers win. In fact, somewhere late

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Showtime!

The NFL schedule makers have given the 49ers a wonderful way to start the 2014 season. A short trip to Texas for a humiliating butt kicking of the Dallas Cowboys. SF has gone to three straight NFC Title games and

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Posted in Game Previews

Changing of the Guard

By all accounts, Aldon Smith is having a superman TC so far. That’s the good news. The bad news is multiple reports are predicting a six to eight game suspension for the 2014 season. The silver lining news is that

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

Dumb Guy Gazette

It’s been 20 years since the 49ers last won a Super Bowl. During that time of failure and boredom, all of us have gone from young dumb guys to old dumb guys. If they go another 20 without one, some

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Posted in FOS Speculation

August Previews

For the past few years, the 49er starting lineup has been a pat hand heading into Training Camp. It can be debated whether they have had the lowest form of pat hand — a straight — or a somewhat higher

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Posted in FOS Speculation

The Ten Four Clubs

With one week left before the beginning of Free Agency, the 49ers have yet to re-sign any of their 12 pending free agents. That’s 23% of last year’s season ending roster in danger of going bye-bye. Of course, some of

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Sgt. Pepper vs the Blue Meanies

The Richter Scale crowds in Seattle are making a mockery of competitive fairness in the NFL. It’s one thing for the home crowd to make it difficult for an opposing offense to operate, but quite another to make it flat

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Posted in Game Previews

And Away We Go

For the second straight year, the 49ers will open the season against Green Bay. Last year, that game was on the road. This year it’s at Candlestick. For the Packers, this will be the second straight game against the 49ers,

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Posted in Game Previews

News At Eleven

The six week offseason period that NFL players are out of view from their benevolent dictators, sometimes known euphemistically as “coaches,” got off to a rip roaring start in Massachusetts as Patriot TE Aaron Hernandez barged into the sights of

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Tough Guys Don’t Dance

Anquan Boldin has been impressive in the OTA practices. A couple of the beat guys even said he looked like a true number one receiver. In seven years with the Cardinals and three with the Ravens, however, he was never

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

Fab Rehab Team

The second of three OTAs begins Tuesday and hopefully we will not hear anything newsworthy from this three day practice session. If there’s real news, it’s going to be bad. Otherwise, everyone is looking great and ready to have a

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

Opening Bell

I won’t lie to you, football is making a comeback in my heart strings. There’s a little humm baby thrumming in there. I swore I’d give the cold shoulder to this faithless, wanton, hussy for at least six months. Screw

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Git Along Little Dogies

Sunday was the first monthiversary of the 49ers ignominious Super Bowl defeat. Some of us have moved on and some of us haven’t. Not sure which category I belong in, so maybe there’s a third group of somes that are

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Mission Improbable

It’s tough shaking this one off. The Super Bowl loss is not that hard to cope with, but the cloud it casts over the 2013 season is another matter. Only one team — the 1971 Miami Dolphins — has ever

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Posted in Delusional Therapy

You Ain’t Got A Thing, If You Ain’t Got That “Ing”

The NFC Championship Game will feature the number 1 and 2 seeds in the playoffs. How quaintly proper. And there are no wildcard entrants still in the running from either conference. Terrif! The four remaining teams all earned their way

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Posted in Vulcan Mind Probes
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs. Carolina, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 17: at Seattle, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams, 5:25 p.m.
Oct. 1: at Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis, 10 a.m.
Oct. 15: at Washington, 10 a.m.
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2016 Prognostications
Closest To The Pin
  Grumpy: 3-13
  Spitblood: 3-13
  Winder: 3-13
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10

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