Blog Archives

Cardinals 23, 49ers 20

Phew! That was close. The 49ers almost blew their shot at history on Sunday afternoon, but in the final two minutes of the game, they rallied to let Carson Palmer lead the Cardinals on a 12 play, 62 yard drive

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Lame Owners’ Bowl

The Jeckyll and Hyde 49ers return home this weekend to play the Cowboys, hoping the Doctor is in and not the other guy. The howls have already begun to yank Blaine Gabbert and try one of the other bust QBs

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Posted in Game Previews

Panthers 46, 49ers 27

The 49ers dusted off the old rope-a-dope strategy Sunday versus Carolina by lulling the Panthers to sleep with an endless stream of three and out punts, counting on the Panthers to get careless with the ball. It worked! They got

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Long Odds

Your faithful scribe has been offline for a couple of weeks. In my absence, the 49ers have apparently been flying under the radar also, content to remain inconspicuous while the Warriors, Sharks, and Giants capture the attention of the Bay

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

Standing Pat

Two weeks into the FA period, it looks like GM Trent Baalke has concluded that last year’s 5-11 record wasn’t the least bit his fault. No, the roster’s fine. The record was all the fault of Jim Tomsula and Colin

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Depleted Roster

It’s NFL Combine week, which means that February is down to its last useless week with a schedule of fittingly useless events that showcase certain peculiar athletic skills of a huge pile of college boys. All of this is a

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Halftime Highlights

Halfway through the season, the Niners have become the musical chairs franchise. QBs in, QBs out. RBs in, RBs out. CBs in, CBs out. TEs in, TEs out. RG and RT in and out and in and out. Apparently, our

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Training Camp 2015

The 2014 offseason will close up shop this weekend, taking its rightful place among the darkest chapters in 49er history. A truly ghastly effort by the dirtbag young owner and an insult to 49er fans everywhere. Next up, two weeks

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Posted in Training Camp

Job Listings

Only three more weeks before the bill starts coming due on Jed York‘s offseason catastrophe. Currently, there are four jobs up for grabs as we head into Training Camp: LDE, RCB, RG, and slot CB. The LDE winner will be

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Posted in Training Camp

Can Anybody Play This Game?

June is here, which means three more months until the grand opening of The Return to Mediocrity Era. Featuring an ever evolving cast of entirely forgettable coaches and players. Hip hip kerplunk! Today, we’ll look at the 2012 Draft class,

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Posted in FOS Speculation

49er 2015 Draft Recap

The results are in and we now know the names of the ten players who will waste their first year in the NFL learning schemes and systems from lousy coaches who will be fired in a year or two. Enjoy

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Posted in Draft Reaction

Washington Circus Comes To Town

Washington comes to town this weekend to remind us all that, whatever our problems are or are perceived to be, some franchises have infinitely worse crap to deal with. This game should be a walkover, but the 49ers don’t do

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Posted in Game Previews

Suck It Up or Just Suck

For the past three years, 49er fans have been able to count on a shutdown defense to make them more than competitive in every game the team played. So far this year, that is not the case. In the Arizona

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Posted in Game Previews

Cardinals 23, 49ers 14

For the third consecutive week, the 49ers jumped out to a first half lead, then imploded in the second half. The lead was big enough in the first game to withstand the brown out, but last week and this week,

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Bears 28, 49ers 20

The 49ers embarrassed themselves Sunday night, turning an easy win into an ugly loss, and christening their brand new stadium with a layer of stink normally associated with descriptions of toilet overflow at the Oakland Raiders’ facilities. The 49ers new

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 21, Chargers 7

The spectacular 49er offense sputtered and clanked its way to a blowout 21-7 victory Sunday afternoon. After the starters got off the field, that is. Those bums played five and a half minutes into the second quarter and produced three

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Broncos 34, 49ers 0

The 49ers christened their new stadium by offering us a throwback game to 2005, the year Jed York christened himself as the new owner. A thoroughly tidy demolishing by the Denver Broncos was the result, 34-0. Anybody still think watching

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Changing of the Guard

By all accounts, Aldon Smith is having a superman TC so far. That’s the good news. The bad news is multiple reports are predicting a six to eight game suspension for the 2014 season. The silver lining news is that

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

Visiting the Uglies

Sunday marked the end of life without football. R.I.P. hunk of shit dead air time. The 49ers tee it up Thursday night against the Ravens. Can’t wait to see Jewel Hampton blowing through holes opened up by Al Netter and

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Posted in Training Camp

Take A Number

The 49er rookies will tee off their NFL careers this weekend with a mandatory minicamp. Good luck, plebes. You’ll need it. Some of these kids will become household names in the coming years, maybe even some pro bowlers in the

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

August Previews

For the past few years, the 49er starting lineup has been a pat hand heading into Training Camp. It can be debated whether they have had the lowest form of pat hand — a straight — or a somewhat higher

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Posted in FOS Speculation

2014 Draft: Day Two

The 49ers were quiet on Day One of the 2014 Draft, but Day Two was a whole other matter. GM Trent Baalke made 5 trades up and down the board and one completely outside the board, netting 5 players and

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Posted in Draft Reaction
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs. Carolina, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 17: at Seattle, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams, 5:25 p.m.
Oct. 1: at Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis, 10 a.m.
Oct. 15: at Washington, 10 a.m.
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2016 Prognostications
Closest To The Pin
  Grumpy: 3-13
  Spitblood: 3-13
  Winder: 3-13
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10

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