Another week, another last second loss. The 49ers have developed an uncanny ability to almost, but not quite, win. Perhaps they will soon develop an uncanny ability to almost, but not quite, lose. It might have to wait a couple…
Blog Archives
Lame Owners’ Bowl
The Jeckyll and Hyde 49ers return home this weekend to play the Cowboys, hoping the Doctor is in and not the other guy. The howls have already begun to yank Blaine Gabbert and try one of the other bust QBs…
Tagged with: 49ers, Antoine Bethea, Blaine Gabbert, Carlos Hyde, Chris Davis, Dak Prescott, Dallas Cowboys, Dez Bryant, Doug Baldwin, Jerome Kearse, Jerry Jones, Jimmie Ward, Jimmy Graham, Rashard Robinson, Seattle Seahawks, Tony Romo, Tramaine Brock, Trent Baalke, Tyler Lockett
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
Panthers 46, 49ers 27
The 49ers dusted off the old rope-a-dope strategy Sunday versus Carolina by lulling the Panthers to sleep with an endless stream of three and out punts, counting on the Panthers to get careless with the ball. It worked! They got…
Tagged with: 49ers, Ahmad Brroks, Andrew Tiller, Carlos Hyde, Fozzy Whittaker, Greg Olsen, Jimmie Ward, Joshua Garnett, Kelvin Benjamin. Blaine Gabbert, Marcus Martin, Panthers, Star Lotulelei, Trent Baalke
Posted in Post Game Spread
Posted in Post Game Spread
Long Odds
Your faithful scribe has been offline for a couple of weeks. In my absence, the 49ers have apparently been flying under the radar also, content to remain inconspicuous while the Warriors, Sharks, and Giants capture the attention of the Bay…
Tagged with: 49ers, Alex Boone, Anquan Boldin, Chip Kelly, Deforest Buckner, Hue Jackson, Jed York, Jim Harbaugh, Jim Tomsula, Jimmie Ward, Joshua Garnett, Navorro Bowman, Scot McCloughan, Tramaine Brock, Trent Baalke, Zane Beadles
Posted in Orgainized Team Activities
Posted in Orgainized Team Activities
Standing Pat
Two weeks into the FA period, it looks like GM Trent Baalke has concluded that last year’s 5-11 record wasn’t the least bit his fault. No, the roster’s fine. The record was all the fault of Jim Tomsula and Colin…
Tagged with: 49ers, Arik Armstead, Bradley Pinion, Colin Kaepernick, Dan Kilgore, Eric Reid, Glenn Dorsey, Ian Williams, Jim Tomsula, Jimmie Ward, Joe Staley, Mike Purcell, Quinton Dial, Tank Carradine, Tony Jerod-Eddie, Trent Baalke
Posted in FOS Speculation
Posted in FOS Speculation
Depleted Roster
It’s NFL Combine week, which means that February is down to its last useless week with a schedule of fittingly useless events that showcase certain peculiar athletic skills of a huge pile of college boys. All of this is a…
Tagged with: 49ers, Chip Kelly, Colin Kaepernick, Jim Tomsula, Jimmie Ward, Trent Baalke
Posted in FOS Speculation
Posted in FOS Speculation
Halftime Highlights
Halfway through the season, the Niners have become the musical chairs franchise. QBs in, QBs out. RBs in, RBs out. CBs in, CBs out. TEs in, TEs out. RG and RT in and out and in and out. Apparently, our…
Training Camp 2015
The 2014 offseason will close up shop this weekend, taking its rightful place among the darkest chapters in 49er history. A truly ghastly effort by the dirtbag young owner and an insult to 49er fans everywhere. Next up, two weeks…
Tagged with: 49ers, Aaron Lynch, Brandon Thomas, Bruce Ellington, Carlos Hyde, Dontae Johnson, Eric Reid, Jaquiski Tartt, Jim Tomsula, Jimmie Ward, Marcus Martin, Quinton Dial, Quinton Patton, Tank Carradine, Trent Baalke, Vance McDonald
Posted in Training Camp
Posted in Training Camp
Job Listings
Only three more weeks before the bill starts coming due on Jed York‘s offseason catastrophe. Currently, there are four jobs up for grabs as we head into Training Camp: LDE, RCB, RG, and slot CB. The LDE winner will be…
Tagged with: 49ers, Chris Borland, Chris Culliver, Jed York, Jimmie Ward, Mike Iupati, Ray McDonald, Tom Rathman, Trent Baalke
Posted in Training Camp
Posted in Training Camp
Can Anybody Play This Game?
June is here, which means three more months until the grand opening of The Return to Mediocrity Era. Featuring an ever evolving cast of entirely forgettable coaches and players. Hip hip kerplunk! Today, we’ll look at the 2012 Draft class,…
Tagged with: Aaron Lynch, Alex Boone, Brandon Thomas, Carlos Hyde, Chris Culliver, Corey Lemonier, Dan Kilgore, Dontae Johnson, Frank Gore, Jimmie Ward, Joe Looney, Justin Smith, Keith Reaser, Kenneth Acker, Marcus Martin, Mike Iupati, Perrish Cox, Quinton Dial, Quinton Patton, Ray McDonald, San Francisco 49ers, Tank Carradine, Trent Baalke, Vance McDonald, Vernon Davis
Posted in FOS Speculation
Posted in FOS Speculation
49er 2015 Draft Recap
The results are in and we now know the names of the ten players who will waste their first year in the NFL learning schemes and systems from lousy coaches who will be fired in a year or two. Enjoy…
Tagged with: Aaron Lynch, Ahmad Brooks, Aldon Smith, Andy Lee, Arik Amstead, Blake Bell, Bradley Pinion, DeAndre Smelter, Eli Harold, Ian Silberman, Jaquiski Tartt, Jed York, Jim Harbaugh, Jim Tomsula, Jimmie Ward, Jimmy Graham, Marshawn Lynch, Michael Wilhoite, Mike Davis, Navorro Bowman, Ray McDonald, Rory Anderson, San Francisco 49ers, Tom Rathman, Trent Baalke, Trenton Brown
Posted in Draft Reaction
Posted in Draft Reaction
Washington Circus Comes To Town
Washington comes to town this weekend to remind us all that, whatever our problems are or are perceived to be, some franchises have infinitely worse crap to deal with. This game should be a walkover, but the 49ers don’t do…
Tagged with: Aaron Lynch, Bruce Ellington, Carlos Hyde, Chris Borland, Colin Kaepernick, Dan Snyder, Dontae Johnson, Jimmie Ward, Joe Gibbs, Marcus Martin, Robert Griffin, San Francisco 49ers, Trent Baalke
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
Suck It Up or Just Suck
For the past three years, 49er fans have been able to count on a shutdown defense to make them more than competitive in every game the team played. So far this year, that is not the case. In the Arizona…
Tagged with: Brandon Marshall, Chip Kelly, Jim Harbaugh, Jimmie Ward, Jordan Matthews, Philadelphia Eagles, San Francisco 49ers, Tank Carradine
Posted in Game Previews
Posted in Game Previews
Cardinals 23, 49ers 14
For the third consecutive week, the 49ers jumped out to a first half lead, then imploded in the second half. The lead was big enough in the first game to withstand the brown out, but last week and this week,…
Tagged with: Ahmad Brooks, Aldon Smith, Arizona Cardinals, Colin Kaepernick, Corey Lemonier, Jim Harbaugh, Jimmie Ward, Perrish Cox, San Francisco 49ers, Tank Carradine, Tramaine Brock
Posted in Post Game Spread
Posted in Post Game Spread
Bears 28, 49ers 20
The 49ers embarrassed themselves Sunday night, turning an easy win into an ugly loss, and christening their brand new stadium with a layer of stink normally associated with descriptions of toilet overflow at the Oakland Raiders’ facilities. The 49ers new…
Tagged with: Aldon Smith, Brandon Marshall, Chicago Bears, Colin Kaepernick, Jay Cutler, Jim Harbaugh, Jimmie Ward, Michael Crabtree, San Francisco 49ers
Posted in Post Game Spread
Posted in Post Game Spread
49ers 21, Chargers 7
The spectacular 49er offense sputtered and clanked its way to a blowout 21-7 victory Sunday afternoon. After the starters got off the field, that is. Those bums played five and a half minutes into the second quarter and produced three…
Tagged with: Aaron Lynch, Blaine Gabbert, Carlos Hyde, Colin Kaepernick, Glenn Winston, Jewel Hampton, Jim Harbaugh, Jimmie Ward, Joe Looney, Jonathan Martin, LaMichael James, Mike Iupati, Mike Purcell, Philip Rivers, San Diego Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, Vance McDonald
Posted in Post Game Spread
Posted in Post Game Spread
Broncos 34, 49ers 0
The 49ers christened their new stadium by offering us a throwback game to 2005, the year Jed York christened himself as the new owner. A thoroughly tidy demolishing by the Denver Broncos was the result, 34-0. Anybody still think watching…
Tagged with: Alex Boone, Colin Kaepernick, Denver Broncos, Greg Roman, Jed York, Jim Harbaugh, Jimmie Ward, Kenneth Acker, San Francisco 49ers
Posted in Post Game Spread
Posted in Post Game Spread
Changing of the Guard
By all accounts, Aldon Smith is having a superman TC so far. That’s the good news. The bad news is multiple reports are predicting a six to eight game suspension for the 2014 season. The silver lining news is that…
Tagged with: Aldon Smith, Alex Boone, Antoine Bethea, Bill Ring, Bruce Ellington, Carlos Hyde, Chris Borland, Chris Culliver, Colin Kaepernick, Eric Reid, Frank Gore, Jimmie Ward, Joe Looney, Joe Staley, Justin Smith, Michael Crabtree, Patrick Willis, Peyton Manning, Quinton Dial, Quinton Patton, Ray McDonald, San Francisco 49ers, Scot McCloughan, Tank Carradine, Trent Baalke, Vernon Davis
Posted in Mindless Drivel
Posted in Mindless Drivel
Visiting the Uglies
Sunday marked the end of life without football. R.I.P. hunk of shit dead air time. The 49ers tee it up Thursday night against the Ravens. Can’t wait to see Jewel Hampton blowing through holes opened up by Al Netter and…
Tagged with: Al Netter, Carlos Hyde, Carter Bykowski, Chris Borland, Glen Dorsey, Jewel Hampton, Jim Harbaugh, Jimmie Ward, John Harbaugh, Michael Wilhoite, Navorro Bowman, Nick Moody, Ray Lewis, Ray Rice, Roger Goodell, San Francisco 49ers, Tank Carradine
Posted in Training Camp
Posted in Training Camp
Take A Number
The 49er rookies will tee off their NFL careers this weekend with a mandatory minicamp. Good luck, plebes. You’ll need it. Some of these kids will become household names in the coming years, maybe even some pro bowlers in the…
Tagged with: Aaron Lynch, Al Davis, Carlos Hyde, Chet Brooks, Derek Jeter, Dontae Johnson, Jackie Robinson, Jimmie Ward, Jonathan Goodwin, Keith Reaser, Ken Stabler, Mariano Rivera, Merton Hanks, San Francisco 49ers, Tarell Brown
Posted in Waltzing Matilda
Posted in Waltzing Matilda
August Previews
For the past few years, the 49er starting lineup has been a pat hand heading into Training Camp. It can be debated whether they have had the lowest form of pat hand — a straight — or a somewhat higher…