Blog Archives

Journey to the Center of Nowhere

The San Francisco 49ers set the franchise’s 21st Century gold standard of stinkitude in 2004, finishing the season with a 2-14 record. That was the last year of Troy Donahue‘s inept GM indifference and John York‘s visibility as the face

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Posted in Game Previews

Saints 41, 49ers 23

The 49ers finally played a defense as nearly awful as their own Sunday, but it did not prevent them from streaking to their seventh consecutive loss. The Saints piled up 571 yards on the Niners, with the usual 200+ on

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Posted in Post Game Spread

The Poo Factory

We’re nearing the half way point of the 2016 season and a few things have become obvious: The team stinks. Fans hoped Chip Kelly would improve the offense and he has. Last year, the offense was near the bottom and

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Buccaneers 34, 49ers 17

The 49ers roared out to a 14-0 lead in the first quarter Sunday, then got drubbed 34-3 the rest of the game. At home. Against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Let’s pause for a moment of quiet reflection now. [HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Whew!

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Worst a Shires Tilt

Here it is! All you washed up QB and/or Trent Baalke fans, this is the game for you! Finally, a game the 49ers might actually win. The Tampa Bay Bucs travel cross country, dragging their 2-3 record with them. 3,000

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Posted in Game Previews

Bills 45, 49ers 16

Noooooope! Neeeeeeeeeeext! The 49ers’ washed up, overpaid backup QB led the team to a 45-16 walloping in Buffalo Sunday, completing 45% of his passes, getting sacked three times, fumbling once, producing the lowest point total of the year, and generally

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Return of the Jerk

The 49ers are five games into the 2016 season and already the year is a lost cause. So, why not re-insert a lost cause at QB? At this point that is just cosmetic whimsy. It’s GM Trent Baalke‘s hand picked

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Posted in Game Previews

Cardinals 33, 49ers 21

The 49ers and Cardinals spent the first half of their Thursday night game trying to cure the nations’s insomnia problem. Then, just before the first half ended, the Niners discovered they had a 7-0 lead and needed to jump start

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Seahawks 37, 49ers 18

The Seahawks hadn’t scored a touchdown in their first two games of the season, but it only took three plays and 43 seconds to remedy that ailment against the inept 49ers Sunday in Seattle. They added three more, tossed in

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Disarray Juggernaut

The Santa Clara 49ers. Bwaaaaahaaaahaaa!! Wow. What a mess these clowns have become. Is this a football franchise or a sensitivity session for late bloomers discovering their “blackness,” complete with throw back ’70’s afros to help sell the sincerity? Maybe

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

The Hour of the Turk Draws Near

One last practice game Thursday night before the Santa Clara Titanic sets off on its 2016 cruise. It might also be the last game of Colin Kaepernick‘s NFL career. The game against San Diego will be played mainly by members

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Posted in Exhibition Season

Lowered Expectorations

As we prepare to absorb another season of 49er football, it’s good to keep in mind that big, red, rectangle area at the 50 yard line that became known last year as the “Red Hole.” Those are the very expensive

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Coming Attractions

Two more weeks and this long, dreary offseason will end. Hallelujah! Or, as they say in the cartoon world, “Hot d-d-diggedy d-d-dog!” Some of you might not be feeling elated about the coming season. Condolences. It’s true the 49ers are

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Up the Down Staircase

The 49ers currently have 39 players on the squad that were selected from the 2013 – 2016 drafts. NaVorro Bowman is the only guy left from the 2010 draft. Nobody left from 2008, 2009, and 2012. Only Colin Kaepernick, Daniel

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Tortoise vs Hare Redux

While the Seahawks, Cardinals, and Rams duke it out this year for NFC West supremacy, the 49ers will be involved in a whole different kind of competition. Two in fact. For one. they’ll be competing for the Number One pick

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Posted in FOS Speculation

School’s Out

The 49ers have concluded their Spring practices and we now have six weeks until Training Camp opens. The do-nothing 2016 offseason trickles toward its inept conclusion. Chip Kelly said that Antoine Bethea looked like the best player in the secondary.

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

Long Odds

Your faithful scribe has been offline for a couple of weeks. In my absence, the 49ers have apparently been flying under the radar also, content to remain inconspicuous while the Warriors, Sharks, and Giants capture the attention of the Bay

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

Opening Bell

The Chip Kelly era officially began Monday morning when the team gathered in Santa Clara for the first offseason workouts and team meetings. The prelude to the era revealed that Kelly belongs to the school of coaches who deal with

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

The Bust Maker

The 49ers haven’t come right out and admitted it, but their inactions during the Free Agency period have made it clear they have no intention of trying to be competitive this year. They are not even faking it. The 2016

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Fat Wallet Waltz

Wednesday begins a new NFL year and all across the land billionaire owners will be redistributing their wealth to a few lucky players who probably won’t come near living up to the cost of doing business with them. The 49ers

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Posted in Angst 101

Tour de Farce

Chip Kelly got a whirlwind tour of the 49ers’ dysfunctional front office last week. First, the 49ers went public with how excited they were to have Colin Kaepernick on the roster come April 1. Kaepernick’s agents then went public with

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Trent Watch

Pretty dead out there in the land of football yappity-yap. The great dead zone of February is upon us. New HC Chip Kelly probably can’t believe his luck. Hounded out of Philadelphia at the end of the 2015 season, considered

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Posted in Mindless Drivel
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs. Carolina, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 17: at Seattle, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams, 5:25 p.m.
Oct. 1: at Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis, 10 a.m.
Oct. 15: at Washington, 10 a.m.
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2016 Prognostications
Closest To The Pin
  Grumpy: 3-13
  Spitblood: 3-13
  Winder: 3-13
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10

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