Blog Archives

It’s Been Real

For the third consecutive year, the 49ers will travel to Chicago late in the season for a game against the Bears. The Third Annual Loser Litmus Test Game. Three years ago, then HC Jim Tomsula was handed a fluke OT

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

First vs Worst

The 49ers travel to Philadelphia this weekend for what will probably be a systematic and thorough disembowelment. The Eagles have the best record in the NFC and unless they fall apart down the stretch in a typical Philly meltdown, they

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Posted in Game Previews

Vikings 32, 49ers 31

Sunday night in Minnesota, the 49ers achieved something we haven’t see much of the past couple of years — they played an entertaining game. The offense looked NFL-like the entire game, and the defense was good in the first half.

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Posted in Post Game Spread

The Dulcet Tones of Pad Whacking

The Singletary Hill is back at the 49ers’ Training Camp, in the form of a 30 degree ramp. And right away, sending chills down the spine of every reasonably cognizant fan, video emerged of Jed York chubbing and huffing his

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Posted in Training Camp

The Long Road Back

By this time next week, the pads will be on and the 2017 NFL season will be officially grunting with activity. When Jed York hired John Lynch and Kyle Shanahan, he mentioned the word “culture” about a thousand times. Restoring

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Posted in Training Camp

Light It Up

Happy Independence Day, fellow citizens. In honor of this day, we will consume 150 million hot dogs, 71% of them covered with mustard. We will also spend $800 million on fireworks while decreasing the air quality by 42%. This day

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

Take a Number

The 49ers close out their offseason practices this week. If you gleaned any useful information from these sessions, congratulations. Your drug of choice has served you well. Joe Montana‘s recent birthday was a painful reminder that we once had recognizable,

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

So Far, So Good

New GM John Lynch had a fairly sensational debut in his inaugural Draft, collaborating seamlessly with new HC Kyle Shanahan. They worked so well together, you could almost feel Jed York itching to jump in and take credit for their

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Posted in Draft Reaction

In and Out Burgh

Last week was a fun few days. Twelve new John Lynch 49er recruits, basically replacing 12 old Trent Baalke guys. None of the new players are likely to push the team into the playoffs next year, and many of them

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Posted in Delusional Therapy

Extreme Makeover

The 49ers have taken the term “cleaning house” to a level that would make an OCD housewife beam proudly. By the time Free Agency and the Draft have come and gone, the entire building will not have a clue who

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Great Expectations

And away we go with another edition of the Jed York Follies! The hiring of Kyle Shanahan as the new Head Coach won’t be booed in too many gin joints in all the towns in all the world. But, pulling

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Posted in FOS Speculation

The Three Amigos

This year’s playoffs have been a lot like watching this year’s 49ers. Various versions of seeing a team get blown out of a game. Only two out of ten games have been nail biters. Some were over by the second

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

Third Time’s The Charm?

According to YorkiLeaks, the next 49er HC will be Kyle Shanahan. The next GM will be one of the guys from Green Bay or the one from Arizona. Until somebody signs on the dotted line, however, there’s always the chance

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Posted in FOS Speculation

And The Winner Is …

This is probably Jed York‘s last chance to show there’s functioning life going on between his ears. Picking the wrong HC is one thing. Picking the wrong GM is quite another. Whoever the new GM is, he’ll be putting his

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

For the third straight year, the 49ers are beating the bushes looking for a new regime to hopefully convince a skeptical fanbase that they know what they’re doing. Unfortunately for them, the fanbase is, by now, 100% sure that this

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Seahawks 25, 49ers 23

After a brief foray into the land of the winning, a journey described hysterically by Blaine Gabbert‘s clueless backup as “huge” and “something to build on,” the 49ers reverted quickly back to the norm and tacked on a season ending

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Last Slice of Humble Pie

Another season has slipped away, taking with it the 49ers pride, dignity, heritage, pants, shoes, jockstraps, NFL relevance — you name it, they lost it. The team closes out their season Sunday, at home against the Seahawks, who have beaten

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Posted in Game Previews

49ers 22, Rams 21

Well, that was a bummer. A fat lump of coal right in the old stocking. The 49ers had a chance at the top pick in the draft and a stranglehold on the worst team in franchise history, but they settled

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Posted in Post Game Spread

When Bums Collide

The 49ers have lost 13 straight. The Rams have lost 5 in a row. Yes, the folks in Los Angeles will be streaming into the stadium this Saturday. After all, everybody likes a good train wreck and this game involves

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Posted in Game Previews

Falcons 41, 49ers 13

The 49ers rolled to their 13th straight loss Sunday in Atlanta, extending their franchise record for consecutive losses. They also set the franchise record for most rushing yards given up in a season, which now stands at 2,468 yards. And

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Another Trip to the Woodshed

Last Sunday, Atlanta laid such a relentless whipping on the Rams that it sent LA’s HC Jeff Fisher out the door and into the unemployment line. Next Sunday, the Falcons will quite likely administer the same sort of beat down

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Posted in Game Previews

Jets 23, 49ers 17

The Good: Sorry, we got nothing for you here. Zip, nada, zilch, nope, fuggeddabouddit. The Bad: Twelve straight losses, the 2016 49ers continue their march into the franchise history books. And they aren’t done yet. The Weird: The team has

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Posted in Post Game Spread
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs Carolina: L 3-23
Sept. 17: at Seattle: 9-12
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams: L 39-41
Oct. 1: at Arizona: L 15-18
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis: L 23-26
Oct. 15: at Washington: L 24-26
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas: L 10-40
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia: L 10-33
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona: L 10-20
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants: W 31-21
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle: L 13-24
Dec. 3: at Chicago: W 15-14
Dec. 10: at Houston: W 26-16
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2017 Prognostications
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 9-7
Grumpy: 4-12
Mr Fletch: 5-11
NJ49er: 6-10
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 5-11
Skeebers: 6-10
Winder: 4-12

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