Blog Archives

Buccaneers 34, 49ers 17

The 49ers roared out to a 14-0 lead in the first quarter Sunday, then got drubbed 34-3 the rest of the game. At home. Against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Let’s pause for a moment of quiet reflection now. [HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Whew!

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Halftime Highlights

Halfway through the season, the Niners have become the musical chairs franchise. QBs in, QBs out. RBs in, RBs out. CBs in, CBs out. TEs in, TEs out. RG and RT in and out and in and out. Apparently, our

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Training Camp 2015

The 2014 offseason will close up shop this weekend, taking its rightful place among the darkest chapters in 49er history. A truly ghastly effort by the dirtbag young owner and an insult to 49er fans everywhere. Next up, two weeks

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Posted in Training Camp

Coming Soon: The Not Harbaugh Era

The NFC West has one team that knows it will be in the playoffs, one team that assumes it will make the playoffs, and one team that hopes to make the playoffs. And one team that will be wildly enthusiastic

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Posted in Training Camp

Can Anybody Play This Game?

June is here, which means three more months until the grand opening of The Return to Mediocrity Era. Featuring an ever evolving cast of entirely forgettable coaches and players. Hip hip kerplunk! Today, we’ll look at the 2012 Draft class,

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Posted in FOS Speculation

49er 2015 Draft Recap

The results are in and we now know the names of the ten players who will waste their first year in the NFL learning schemes and systems from lousy coaches who will be fired in a year or two. Enjoy

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Posted in Draft Reaction

Stepper Uppers Needed

Jed York checked his mouth into rehab after the owners’ meetings last week, so there has been some quiet time these days. Pity. What will we do for amusement? Poor young Jed. A year ago, he was the toast of

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Posted in FOS Speculation

49ers 17, Washington 13

The 49ers pulled another game out of their rear ends Sunday afternoon, stunning the disinterested Santa Clara minglers by scoring their first fourth quarter TD of the year! and oozing out a late victory. After falling behind 13-10, old guy

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Washington Circus Comes To Town

Washington comes to town this weekend to remind us all that, whatever our problems are or are perceived to be, some franchises have infinitely worse crap to deal with. This game should be a walkover, but the 49ers don’t do

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Posted in Game Previews

Trap Game Warning

Most of us thought we’d be talking this week about a 4-5 team whose playoff chances were dangling by their last flimsy thread, needing to win out to get into the postseason. I might have led off this piece by

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Posted in Game Previews

Halfway House

How nice of the NFL to give the Niners a BYE week so the Bay Area can concentrate on rooting for the Giants to win the World Series. It’s been a strange beginning to the 2014 season. The new stadium

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

49ers 26, Eagles 21

A strange thing happened on the way to the 49ers’ third straight debilitating defeat. The defense remembered how to play all four quarters and the offense managed to dig out of a 21-10 hole and stumblebum its way to a

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 21, Chargers 7

The spectacular 49er offense sputtered and clanked its way to a blowout 21-7 victory Sunday afternoon. After the starters got off the field, that is. Those bums played five and a half minutes into the second quarter and produced three

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Take A Number

The 49er rookies will tee off their NFL careers this weekend with a mandatory minicamp. Good luck, plebes. You’ll need it. Some of these kids will become household names in the coming years, maybe even some pro bowlers in the

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

2014 Draft Recap

Hats off to 49ers GM Trent Baalke, who put on an amazing show at the 2014 NFL Draft. Maybe he was juiced up by all the offseason talk about who had more value to the franchise — him or Jim

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Posted in Draft Reaction
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs. Carolina, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 17: at Seattle, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams, 5:25 p.m.
Oct. 1: at Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis, 10 a.m.
Oct. 15: at Washington, 10 a.m.
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2016 Prognostications
Closest To The Pin
  Grumpy: 3-13
  Spitblood: 3-13
  Winder: 3-13
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10

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