Blog Archives

Olfactory Assault

After making debacle all down they legs and all over they feets in Chicago, the 49ers stank their way back to Santa Clara and began preparing for the equally stanky New York Jets this coming Sunday. These two franchises have

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Posted in Game Previews

Bears 26, 49ers 6

With two minutes to play in the first half, the 49ers held a solid 6-0 lead over the injury riddled Bears, who were missing eleven starters. It looked like the team was finally on the way to its second win

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Wasn’t It a Long Way Down

Congratulations to the 2016 49ers. In the 68th year of the franchise, you guys have accomplished the awesomely difficult task of losing ten straight games, the most in team history. No mean feat. To think, only four years ago, this

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Dolphins 31, 49ers 24

Close, but no cigar. Or close, but light ’em up! Blaine Gabbert‘s backup took a mouthful of shoulder pad from Ndamukong Suh and Kiko Alonso at the two yard line as time ran out on his desperate attempt to be

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Aiming For Infamy

Some good games on tap for Thanksgiving this year. Minnesota vs Detroit for NFC North supremacy, Dallas vs Washington for the NFC East, and Pittsburgh vs Indianapolis for two teams trying to stay alive in crappy divisions. The 49ers won’t

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Nothing But Nyet

The evil New England Patriots come to town this Sunday, looking to beat up on the local boys. Chances are better than good they’ll do exactly that. The defense finally stopped getting traumatized by opposing teams’ rushing attacks last Sunday.

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Cardinals 23, 49ers 20

Phew! That was close. The 49ers almost blew their shot at history on Sunday afternoon, but in the final two minutes of the game, they rallied to let Carson Palmer lead the Cardinals on a 12 play, 62 yard drive

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Journey to the Center of Nowhere

The San Francisco 49ers set the franchise’s 21st Century gold standard of stinkitude in 2004, finishing the season with a 2-14 record. That was the last year of Troy Donahue‘s inept GM indifference and John York‘s visibility as the face

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Saints 41, 49ers 23

The 49ers finally played a defense as nearly awful as their own Sunday, but it did not prevent them from streaking to their seventh consecutive loss. The Saints piled up 571 yards on the Niners, with the usual 200+ on

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Keep the Streak Alive

The New Orleans Saints come calling this Sunday, no doubt looking eagerly forward to trashing the 49ers’ woeful defense. The Saints’ defense is no top drawer outfit, either, but if the game is a shootout, who you gonna call: Drew

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The Poo Factory

We’re nearing the half way point of the 2016 season and a few things have become obvious: The team stinks. Fans hoped Chip Kelly would improve the offense and he has. Last year, the offense was near the bottom and

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Buccaneers 34, 49ers 17

The 49ers roared out to a 14-0 lead in the first quarter Sunday, then got drubbed 34-3 the rest of the game. At home. Against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Let’s pause for a moment of quiet reflection now. [HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Whew!

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Worst a Shires Tilt

Here it is! All you washed up QB and/or Trent Baalke fans, this is the game for you! Finally, a game the 49ers might actually win. The Tampa Bay Bucs travel cross country, dragging their 2-3 record with them. 3,000

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Bills 45, 49ers 16

Noooooope! Neeeeeeeeeeext! The 49ers’ washed up, overpaid backup QB led the team to a 45-16 walloping in Buffalo Sunday, completing 45% of his passes, getting sacked three times, fumbling once, producing the lowest point total of the year, and generally

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Return of the Jerk

The 49ers are five games into the 2016 season and already the year is a lost cause. So, why not re-insert a lost cause at QB? At this point that is just cosmetic whimsy. It’s GM Trent Baalke‘s hand picked

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Cardinals 33, 49ers 21

The 49ers and Cardinals spent the first half of their Thursday night game trying to cure the nations’s insomnia problem. Then, just before the first half ended, the Niners discovered they had a 7-0 lead and needed to jump start

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And the Least Shall Be Last

The 49ers and Cardinals meet tonight in a battle for the basement in the NFC West. That the Niners are engaged in this sort of tawdry affair is no surprise, but Arizona has been a surprise disappointment thus far in

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Cowboys 24, 49ers 17

For one shining quarter, the Chip Kelly offense lived up to its hype. The 49ers roared out to a 14-0 lead, scoring their second TD one minute into the second quarter. From there on out, it was Cowboys 24 and

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Lame Owners’ Bowl

The Jeckyll and Hyde 49ers return home this weekend to play the Cowboys, hoping the Doctor is in and not the other guy. The howls have already begun to yank Blaine Gabbert and try one of the other bust QBs

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Seahawks 37, 49ers 18

The Seahawks hadn’t scored a touchdown in their first two games of the season, but it only took three plays and 43 seconds to remedy that ailment against the inept 49ers Sunday in Seattle. They added three more, tossed in

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Dink and Dunker Special

The 49ers haven’t won a game in Seattle since the 2011 season. They swept the Seahawks that year, split with them the next two years, and were skunked in 2014 and 2015. Still, our boys have a golden opportunity to

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Panthers 46, 49ers 27

The 49ers dusted off the old rope-a-dope strategy Sunday versus Carolina by lulling the Panthers to sleep with an endless stream of three and out punts, counting on the Panthers to get careless with the ball. It worked! They got

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2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs. Carolina, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 17: at Seattle, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams, 5:25 p.m.
Oct. 1: at Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis, 10 a.m.
Oct. 15: at Washington, 10 a.m.
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2016 Prognostications
Closest To The Pin
  Grumpy: 3-13
  Spitblood: 3-13
  Winder: 3-13
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10

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