The 49ers roared out to a 14-0 lead in the first quarter Sunday, then got drubbed 34-3 the rest of the game. At home. Against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Let’s pause for a moment of quiet reflection now. [HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Whew! Snork, snork snork.]
After sixteen years, the York family has now assembled a team that perfectly reflects the quality of their ownership. Absolutely, positively, no doubt about it dreadful.
Sunday’s stink bomb was engineered by the overpaid, washed up, zero brain matter QB who again completed less than half his passes (47%), fumbled twice, tossed an interception, and got sacked four times.
The defense also contributed mightily, giving up 513 yards, 249 of those yards on the ground. Apparently, any team in the league can pound the Niners for over 200 yards rushing — even with backup running backs.
The Niners are now neck and neck with the Chicago Bears for the number two pick in next year’s draft. The winner might well be decided when these two nothingburgers meet in Chicago on December 4th. SAVE THE DATE!
HC Chip Kelly showed off his brilliant coaching skills by calling three time outs within the final minute of the first half, then having his RB run out of bounds to stop the clock — all to allow Bradley Pinion enough seconds to punt the ball for a Bucs’ half ending kneel down.
Proving his dysfunctional acumen was no fluke, Kelly duplicated his brilliance near the end of the game by punting on 4th and 14 with 3 minutes left and behind by 17 points, essentially throwing in the towel, then using all three time outs in order to get the ball back with a minute left so the goofball QB could throw another incompletion and take another sack.
After the game, FS Eric Reid gushed about how much he loved this defense. Apparently, only a guy or two out of place here and there is all that prevents it from being great. Aaron Lynch proclaimed the team as good as any in the league. Both of these doughnuts are fans of the knucklehead QB. The 49ers are clearly cornering the market on really stupid players.
Jed York‘s mommy showed up for the game, maybe thinking the team would finally win a game. This proves she learned nothing from last year’s embarrassment in Cleveland. Hope she enjoyed the half-empty stadium and didn’t hurt herself chanting “Stop That Puck!”
Unfortunately, the 49ers have a BYE next week, so we’ll have to take a two week break from all this scintillating comedy. A chance for all of us to heal up from our split sides.