The Seahawks hadn’t scored a touchdown in their first two games of the season, but it only took three plays and 43 seconds to remedy that ailment against the inept 49ers Sunday in Seattle. They added three more, tossed in three FGs for good measure, then let the Niners run out the clock in the fourth quarter with a ground game that had done squadooshky through the first three quarters.
Somewhere out there lounging on a patio recliner, former HC Jim Tomsula is smiling and counting the four million dollars per year Jed York is paying him for his early retirement. He’ll be collecting for two more years, no doubt soon to be joined by current HC Chip Kelly, who’ll be collecting six million per for his own failed efforts.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Ohio, Mamma and Poppa York are squirming and wondering how much money their son Jed is going to throw down the toilet while masquerading as a legitimate NFL owner.
The 2016 season is mirroring the 2015 season with eerie accuracy. Big win at home to start the year, followed by two severe tramplings on the road.
The Niner O-line isn’t a sieve like last year — they gave up zero sacks in the game — but Anquan Boldin‘s replacement, Quinton Patton, is averaging about one catch per game for around eight unimportant yards. QB Blaine Gabbert gets the ball out fast (part of the reason for the O-line’s clean slate), but the guys he’s getting it to are fellows who could pass through waivers at any time without fear/hope of getting claimed by another team.
Seattle RB Christine Michael and 49er RB Carlos Hyde both had a hundred yards rushing, but Michael got his while the game was being contested, most of it right over first round draft pick DeForest Buckner, who is the only member of the 2016 draft class that is playing, and Hyde got his in garbage time, after the Seahawks had lit up victory cigars and were using their iPads to make dinner reservations.
Despite eight recent draft picks on secondary players, the Niners still don’t have any real talent at CB or safety. Those gents were again over matched, this time against WR Doug Baldwin and TE Jimmy Graham, both of whom hit the century mark in yards, with a TD each.
All in all, however, a fun game to watch — if you enjoy seeing York and all the guys who wanted Jim Harbaugh and Greg Roman heaved out of town eat the shit of their woeful choices. But probably not so much if you’re still clinging to the “Red and Gold til I’m Dead and Cold” fanwagon.
A few more weeks of this, and we can expect the Niner FO to start scrambling around to find and begin leaking this year’s scapegoat. Pssst: Trent Baalke Must Go!. Wait! Is it kosher for the Niner FO to leak bad mojo against one of its entrenched members? More to the point, is this a football franchise or an upstart competitor to The National Enquirer?