The 49ers emerged from their long, grueling trek through the NFL discard landscape and on Wednesday hired the guy they intended to hire from the very beginning, the exact same method they used to hire GM Trent Baalke back in 2010. This might be the only consistency the organization has demonstrated in the past ten years.
D-line coach Jim Tomsula has been promoted to Head Coach. He’s the kind of guy you can’t risk saying “Hello” to if you don’t have a half hour to kill. His job will be to make everyone feel good and have a swell time, win or lose, and to teach Jed York a couple of Xs and Os, so Junior can get a hang on this football shit and meddle his way into guy thing discussions without appearing to be a complete dork. And, of course, he must never question anything York or Baalke do.
I suppose it’s possible we’ve got the next Knute Rockne on our hands, but it’s probably just as possible, maybe even more so, that ten years into the Jed Empire, we’re back to square zero. Same clueless owner, less talented GM, and a franchise that won’t be scaring anyone for a long time. The kind of team other teams are eager to see on their schedule.
The hiring of Tomsula also resulted in the loss of the best DC in the league, Vic Fangio, who is reportedly being replaced by the Oakland Raiders’ DC, Jason Tarver, who is not the best DC in the league … or the conference … or the AFC West … or the Bay Area. He DOES, however, have experience in how to work for a dysfunctional organization without making waves.
The improvement of the offense, the be-all-end-all of this whole fiasco, has yet to be mentioned. The epicly great Marc Trestman is the current rumor for the job of OC. Trestman was run out of town as the Niners’ OC in 1997, failed everywhere else, achieved some success in Canada, like Tomsula did in Europe, and most recently Trestman presided over the total collapse of the Bears.
So, we’ve gutted a highly successful coaching staff and replaced it with WTeverlovingF! From York: “Jim Tomsula clearly is the right man to lead this team.” From us, “WTF!!!!”
Ladies and gentlemen, your San Francisco 49ers. Pardon me while I go wrap my arms around the porcelain bus.