The first day of minicamp produced a torrent of news that didn’t abate until the entire bottom of a thimble had been dampened. AJ Jenkins caught a difficult pass and Scott Tolzien tossed two to four interceptions, depending which beat reporter’s eye you trust most. And 4th string unfortunately named QB BJ Daniels juked Patrick Willis so bad that our star LB fell down in a heap of hideous ignominy.
In other news, Jim Harbaugh extended an olive branch to rival HC Pete Carroll by calling his Seahawk team a bunch of lying, cheating scumbags. Pete has yet to respond to this friendly overture.
Tim Tebow, the NFL’s version of cotton candy, continued to make news by signing a temporary contract, holding a press conference, and then disappearing deep into the Patriots’ depth chart, where he will inspire one and all with his enthusiastic, hard working ineptitude. Look for Tim to surface again on cut down day near the end of August as he holds a press conference to expound upon the wonders of his latest pink slip.
Chad “Formerly Cinco Uno” Johnson was heaved in jail for 30 days for trying to make funny in a courtroom. He succeeded, but the judge was not amused. As Cinco, Chad was repeatedly fined by the NFL for attempting to be fined by the NFL. As Just Plain Chad, Mr. Johnson might be joking himself straight into a life sentence for premeditated, unrelenting horseplay.
I got news for you Chad, it’s a mean, humorless world out here. If hanging were still legal, you’d see guys dangling from the street light arms every day. On your way to work, you could look up and go, “Hey, there’s Joe! Must have peed on his neighbor’s flowers one too many times.”
My sleeper pick for reality bites is Terrell Owens. He’s reported to be ready to accept the fact that nobody is interested any more in T.O., NFL football player. As he slips back into the ooze from whence he came, is anybody going to be surprised when he bubbles up from time to time in some sort of deep doodoo?