Uncle Jed Wants You

Today is the big stadium vote in Santa Clara, and I guess I should waste space discussing this life or death franchise matter, space that could otherwise be devoted to much more interesting topics, such as just about anything, even the size of Berger’s ever expanding waist line. Normally, being concerned about how rich a rich guy can get is not something the rest of us give a flying two hoots about. Even one hoot is way too much.

But football stadiums are one area of quasi-civilization where commoners must indeed root for the fat cats. Fans want a winning team. Winning teams need competitive disadvantages to buy players undying loyalty for four years at a time, while furnishing them with royal surroundings and up-to-date toys. Franchises with stadiums that are outhouses eventually become bottom feeders in the NFL, which provokes the commissioner to thumb his nose at them, major media centers to mock them relentlessly, fans to take up bowling on Sunday afternoons when the team is blacked out on TV, and eventually ensures that the owner of said outhouse will sneak off to some other city and ruin a fan’s life forever. IOW, welcome to the life of a Raiders fan. If that doesn’t scare you, then your lobotomy was successful.

Talking about multi-million dollar stadiums sucks. Thinking about it causes migraines. Espousing it puts a thick layer of grease all over your precious body.

Many fans will see only that the Yorks are getting wealthier when these fans would rather see them be stapled to a cactus. These will be the same fans who scream the loudest that the Yorks are too cheap to attract good coaches or good players. They might also claim the Yorks are too stupid to know the difference and too concerned with wealth to care about winning. While I’m sure these fans are the ones who should be stapled to a cactus sincere in their criticisms, I don’t feel like treating their circular opinions with any respect. Let the “Niner Insider” coddle them. It needs the advertising revenue.

On the coin’s other exterior, a victory today will unleash many fans who will gush and wax about how terrific the world suddenly is and how powerful and almighty the 49ers will soon become, reminding many here of the first time we got stoned and suddenly understood the hidden meaning of “heavy” and “groovy.” It is true that a victory would be a good thing, but get a grip fellas. It’s just business. In which we all have invested some spiritual stock. Let’s not overdo the clapping.

Then there’s the ultra pointy-headed fellows who will actually get worked up about “their beloved” 49er franchise being in Santa Clara and not San Francisco, and debate whether there will be enough parking or convenient access. Some will promote themselves as architectural pundits who think the proposed stadium design is a bucket of tinker toys, while others will assure us it’s not only superior to the Roman Colosseum, but even better than Jerry Jones’ big ole Texas wonderment. While these are all totally boring interesting discussions, I do not find them to my liking. Sorry.

In truth, one of the best reasons to pray that this stadium vote succeeds is to remove this dialogue from the lips of the fans and this topic from all the Bay Area blogs where it has festered for years and which blogs will explode should the vote be NAY, allowing us to resume normal football discussions, like Patrick Willis’ bursa sac knee surgery. Now that is riveting material. In fact, tomorrow we will have a graphic slide show of Willis’ knee before and after surgery. Full frontal, sideways, and backside tendon nudity. Viewer discretion advised.

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8 comments on “Uncle Jed Wants You
  1. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Skeebs- Not much into waist lines, I like the waste lines better, more commonly known as bad jokes!

  2. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    You mean like the horse walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, why the long face?”

  3. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Or the guy that walked into the bar with a chunk of asphalt in his hand? He tells the bartender, give me a drink, and give me one for the road!

  4. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    Or the 3 legged dog that walks into the bar and says I’m looking for the man that shot my paw!

  5. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    This could get worse than tomato jokes. Heck, Dennis hasn’t even checked in yet.

  6. DennisNo Gravatar says:

    What is this, amateur hour? Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and raise the bar any. It looks perfect right there lying on the floor.
    ◦How can you use a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune, and Halloween costume to create something tasty?
    ◦Make a beacon, lattice, and tornado sand witch.

  7. SkeebersNo Gravatar says:

    I anticipated you might have the road booby-trapped, so I called in my long time associate, Lucca Bergerazzi. He brought some Sicilian nephews with him. Should be quite a party.

  8. BergerNo Gravatar says:

    I thought you guys were just kidding, but when you start feeding people Bar-S hot dogs it starts to sound dangerous.

2020 Schedule
9-13: AZ
9-20: @ NYJ
9-27: @ NYG

10-4: PHI (SNF)
10-11: MIA
10-18: LA RAMS (SNF)
10-25: @ NE

11-1: @ SEA
11-5: GB (TNF)
11-15: @ NO


11-29: @LAR

12-7: BUF (MNF)
12-13: WAS
12-20: @ DAL (SNF)
12-26: or 27 @ AZ

1-3: SEA

2020 Draft Class
1. DT Javon Kinlaw, South Carolina
1. WR Brandon Aiyuk, Arizona State
5. OL Colton McKivitz, West Virginia
6. TE Charlie Woerner, Georgia
7. WR Jauan Jennings, Tennessee
2019 Prognostications

Closest to the Pin:
   Bakkentom: 10-6
   Bullit: 10-6

Grumpy: 9-7
Skeebers: 8-8
Mr Fletch: 7-9
NJ49er: 7-9
Winder: 7-9