Blog Archives

Light It Up

Happy Independence Day, fellow citizens. In honor of this day, we will consume 150 million hot dogs, 71% of them covered with mustard. We will also spend $800 million on fireworks while decreasing the air quality by 42%. This day

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Uncharted Waters

The Free Agency period seems to have run its course, leaving us with six weeks of mock drafts to grind through. Whizzo. There are still a few big names out there looking for work. Jay Cutler, Jamaal Charles, Adrian Paterson.

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Trent Watch

Pretty dead out there in the land of football yappity-yap. The great dead zone of February is upon us. New HC Chip Kelly probably can’t believe his luck. Hounded out of Philadelphia at the end of the 2015 season, considered

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Chip and the Dip

Chip Kelly introduced himself to the Bay Area media Wednesday. It went well. None of the grunting, mumbling, sweating, stammering, furtive and incoherent rambling made notorious by his inept predecessor Jim Tomsula. Crisp, witty, intelligent. Terrific. If this was 2011,

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Halfway House

How nice of the NFL to give the Niners a BYE week so the Bay Area can concentrate on rooting for the Giants to win the World Series. It’s been a strange beginning to the 2014 season. The new stadium

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Changing of the Guard

By all accounts, Aldon Smith is having a superman TC so far. That’s the good news. The bad news is multiple reports are predicting a six to eight game suspension for the 2014 season. The silver lining news is that

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Semper Ubi Sub Ubi

OTAs continue this week, I think. And seven more weeks until Training Camp opens. So it’s probably as good a time as any for the annual farting column. Just kidding. We could do the annual mocking the Raiders column, but

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OTA Lift Off

The news out of camp from the year’s first OTA practices was mostly good. The best news was Michael Crabtree has not yet broken or maimed any part of his tootsies. In five years, he’s only started a season healthy

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Dead Air

The NFL has finally grunted out the 2014 schedule, giving starved football fans something tangible to munch on. (Ed note: not sure this image is suitable for children) The 49ers are an 11 to 13 win team, no matter who’s

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Plenty of Nothing

Four weeks into Free Agency and the 49ers have done just about nothing, except re-signing some of their own players and picking up some table scraps from other teams. The only FA starter signed was SS Antoine Bethea. He replaced

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Slow Weekend

Not much happening at 49er HQ this week. That is all. Just kidding. I have some more words to throw around here, if I can just find them. Not sure why the team is dribbling out the player activations. Tank

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Roster Massage

Six games into the season and nine teams are spinning their wheels at 3-3. That’s good enough for first place in the NFC East now and maybe even all season long. Two teams are a perfect 6-0, Denver and Kansas

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The Downward Spiral

The longest day of the year slipped through town last Friday and Saturday morning the earth began its long, slow journey into darkness. I mention this for the benefit of all you squirrel worshippers out there, as a reminder to

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For Their Eyes Only

We’re half way through the offseason. And less than a week away from the resumption of football related activity. Rookie minicamp begins this Friday, May 10th, and lasts three days. A week and a half later, on May 21, the

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April Love

Folklore maintains that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, as the last cold blasts of winter give way to the Pat Boone days of spring. Folklore is buttressed, astrologically speaking, by the constellation of

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Yawn If You Missed It

It’s been three weeks since the 49ers blew the Super Bowl and it’s still two weeks until the March 12th kickoff to free agency, the trading period, and the new league year. The team is primed to be a contender

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A Few Good Fat Guys

The 2013 Draft doesn’t have much buzz to it this year. Not only are there no superstar QBs in the draft, the top player might be an offensive guard! You can’t get much unsexier than that unless you attended a

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All Quiet On The Western Front

I’m having trouble deciding whether the current 49er team is a group of over-achievers or a group of under-achievers. If it’s the over, then we just need more good players and/or more maturity. But if it’s under, then we need

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The Coma Before the Storm

For the past eighteen years, the last two weeks in January have been reserved for denial, anger, depression, avoidance — all the classic pysche tricks to deal with another disappointing end to the 49ers’ season. I was still a young

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The Betting Window Is Open

Belated New Year’s greetings, Outsiders! I will reserve judgment for a few weeks as to whether it is a happy occasion or not. It’s always a bit sad to see the football season come to an end. At least nowadays.

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Blame and Fortune

The election is over, the World Series is over, the Bye Week is over. Time to return to those thrilling days of yesteryear. Hi yo, 49ers, away! I can kind of see Jim Harbaugh riding around the West in a

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Darkness at the Break of Noon

Okay, fellow blogpulsive disorders, it’s time once again for the annual NFL Reality Show predictions. Get out those chin scratchers and hmmm mullers and make a wild, hair-brained guess, gussied up as expertise. What will the 49ers’ record be for

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2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs. Carolina, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 17: at Seattle, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams, 5:25 p.m.
Oct. 1: at Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis, 10 a.m.
Oct. 15: at Washington, 10 a.m.
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
2016 Prognostications
Closest To The Pin
  Grumpy: 3-13
  Spitblood: 3-13
  Winder: 3-13
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10